Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

A minor celeb came on to me inappropriately should I report?

382 replies

Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:40

Got a bit of a dilemma.

After watching the jammy Saville doc last week I remembered that earlier this year a current v minor TV presenter several times touched my leg at a charity dinner. It was in a busy room and I was too shocked/confused to ask him to stop! I had only just met him and was three months pregnant so wasn't flirting and I believe his behaviour was sleazy if not predatory.

This person has already been reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour at work in the past so I believe he has form.

My question is, should I tell his employer even though he wasn't attending in a work capacity? Or should I just email him and say that I am on to him?

I don't want a fuss by the way and it was possible that he was just being "friendly" Hmm but it occurred to me that Saville got away so long because of women minimising incidents like this one.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/10/2016 15:25

I think if you were going to make a complaint and didn't feel you could assert yourself at the time you should have done so immediately after the dinner.

WeArePregnant11 · 09/10/2016 15:26

*intrusive

pregnantat50 · 09/10/2016 15:26

was it this person,, they have form :)

BakeOffBiscuits · 09/10/2016 15:27

It's well documented that women often don't tell men to fuck off when that men is doing something the woman really doesn't like. It's a very common thing. So will people STOP telling the OP what she should have done. Angry

As Lweji says, this is about HIS behaviour, not the Ops.

HanYOLO · 09/10/2016 15:29

Emailing him opens you up to being massively misconstrued, shares your contact details and will serve no purpose other than to make you potentially vulnerable. Please don't do it.

This guy may be a major creep but I doubt very much that your experience, unpleasant and inappropriate as it was, would add weight to any action being taken against him.

It's really saddening that we are conditioned to be embarrassed and keep quiet in the moment. I don't blame you at all for that OP.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:29

Goingtobeawesome are you implying that I am looking for financial gain??? SERIOUSLY??

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 09/10/2016 15:30

But they don't often express their displeasure by email several months later either, BakeOff, to be fair.

Squeegle · 09/10/2016 15:31

Having seen the video of Donald Trump today "if you're a star they let you!", i quite understand where OP is comin from. If he wasn't s minor celebrity he wouldn't get away with it. I actually think that it would not be wrong to write to the employer in this case. Not a complaint but just so they are in the know in case anyone else reports him. If he has that much nous to try it on 3 times in a crowded place, who knows what he might try with a younger, less savvy female in a quieter situation.

NeedABanner · 09/10/2016 15:33

He touched your leg. I think you'll survive the trauma Hmm. FGS. Molehill > Mountain at the time, let alone 'suddenly remembering' many months later. IF you GENUINELY felt he was a threat to 'junior colleagues' (bloody patronising for starters) then the time to deal with that was months ago.

BowieFan · 09/10/2016 15:35

I probably wouldn't. I don't think someone touching your leg, both of you over the age of consent and nobody in a position of authority isn't exactly in the same leagues as Savile.

Dave Lee Travis has been bankrupted simply because a woman said she was touched by him when she was in her 30s. It was all based on individual accounts and never should have gone to court.

In my opinion, you were old enough and were quite able to just push him back and rebuke his advances, which should've been the end of it. Yes, he shouldn't have done it, but I get the feeling if it was a normal bloke you wouldn't dream of reporting it.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 09/10/2016 15:35

Is his email address in the public domain or do you have access to it due to work? Is he minor enough not to have someone else (a PA for example) screening his mail?

Just because it was outside his working role it doesn't mean his employers would dismiss you especially if he has form. I agree that letting him get away with it will simply encourage him to continue this behaviour.

Quite a few women would be the same as you and not say anything at the time. It's easy to claim "I would have done XYZ" when you aren't actually in the situation at the time.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:36

Okay then...

OP posts:
supermoon100 · 09/10/2016 15:38

Baldbaby1970, I'd love to know who that is! Mr bloom? Mr tumble?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/10/2016 15:38

Lweji... OF COURSE he shouldn't have done it. Did that really need saying? But who else would have known about it but the OP?

I really don't agree with you on the victim-blaming here because OP was the only one who could - either then or at some point soon after - or not at all - but a year later? Report it to whom and for what exactly? To what end?

Yes it's bloody hard to speak up, really difficult. I wasn't even rude and I still felt chills at the potential consequences (losing a contract) but nobody is allowed to touch me without my consent and pushing his hand off was what I did. If he'd done it again I would have got up and walked away. I don't know that I would have drawn attention to it. I think women don't do that.

Kidnapped · 09/10/2016 15:39

This bloke has probably done it hundreds if not thousands of times to different women.

It's the illicit thrill of it, the exertion of power, the taboo nature of touching a stranger in public.

And his behaviour will not be scrutinised a fraction of how the behaviour of his many victims are scrutinised. The whole "Why didn't she... Well, I would have... I would never..." stuff.

And yep, Donald Trump rather embodies this particular type of sleazebag. Grin

BowieFan · 09/10/2016 15:40

Having said that, if it is something which is affecting you, by all means report it. But please don't do it just because he's famous.

I've had drunken snogs and advances that didn't go anywhere when I was at uni and it would shock me if any of them came to light in a court case. Some people just misread signals.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:41

He was investigated for sexual harassment at work previously but is back working. I don't think his current employers would be delighted but do they have a right to know? I am not traumatised (and thank God given the reception on here) but that is not the point.

His behaviour is the problem.

OP posts:
southeastdweller · 09/10/2016 15:41

Don't bother reporting it - you should have done it immediately after the dinner. Would his employers take any action about it with no witnesses? I doubt it.

If you don't want a fuss, then why are you asking us whether to report him to his employers or email him?

hackmum · 09/10/2016 15:41

People who are saying it's "very" different - well, it's really not. We've all seen that footage of Savile groping a young woman, haven't we? At the time, without knowing what we now know, we might have dismissed it as trivial, not worth making a fuss about. But for Savile groping was just part of a continuum of behaviour that included rape. It's all part of the same attitude that sees women as fair game.

See also: Donald Trump.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 09/10/2016 15:42

iggy I've been where you have and didn't say anything either and he wasn't a celeb just an arsehole husband of my cousin.

I think it was a mixture of embarrassment/shame/shock/confusion, he actually did something in plan view also and then tried to kiss me when we were on our own later on - which I blamed myself for because I didn't punch him earlier on in the evening. I also got blamed of a family member too that I confided in.

It's completly normal to freeze and not do anything. Most folk always say I'd do X,Y,Z but untill your in that position you don't really know. It's also normal to be be triggered of feeling like your feeling now after watching or hearing something on the media.

JS wasn't just a pedophile he was a sexual predator all round - even reportedly having sex with corpses.

This guy that was touching your leg was being a sexual predator too.

op do what's best for you. If you want to email his employer - do it. Although with out any proof/witnesses I think you might have trouble reporting it to the police. When I told my cousin what he had done - she didn't believe Me but at least I had got it off my chest. He was later caught kissing done one else and she kicked him out.

Hope your ok and I genuinly know how you feel Flowers

BerylStreep · 09/10/2016 15:42

I think if you were going to do anything, it should have been at the time, or very soon after.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:43

This all happened a few months ago not a year.

OP posts:
BowieFan · 09/10/2016 15:43

Kidnapped

Of course you have no evidence of this. It's very possible he genuinely misread signals (despite OP claiming she wasn't flirting, it's possible he misinterpreted what she was doing). I agree she should get in contact with him and tell him what he did was wrong, but to report it seems a bit silly.

I'm fairly certain I know who the minor celeb is anyway.

cansu · 09/10/2016 15:44

Surely this is no different to any wanker trying it on and being told to sod off. If some random started stroking your leg, you would either tell him to stop or move away. Not really sure what his minor celebrity status has to do with it.

ToastDemon · 09/10/2016 15:44

Iggy I'm sorry you're getting these responses. We have a long way to go yet unfortunately, and clearly Saville and now Trump haven't occurred in a vacuum.