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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A minor celeb came on to me inappropriately should I report?

382 replies

Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:40

Got a bit of a dilemma.

After watching the jammy Saville doc last week I remembered that earlier this year a current v minor TV presenter several times touched my leg at a charity dinner. It was in a busy room and I was too shocked/confused to ask him to stop! I had only just met him and was three months pregnant so wasn't flirting and I believe his behaviour was sleazy if not predatory.

This person has already been reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour at work in the past so I believe he has form.

My question is, should I tell his employer even though he wasn't attending in a work capacity? Or should I just email him and say that I am on to him?

I don't want a fuss by the way and it was possible that he was just being "friendly" Hmm but it occurred to me that Saville got away so long because of women minimising incidents like this one.

OP posts:
Maudlinmaud · 09/10/2016 15:09

I would just chalk it down to experience op.
Try not to be in his company alone and if thats unavoidable and he trys this again tell him how uncomfortable you feel.
Unfortunatley this shit happens.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:09

My instinct tells me that he is a predatory bastard who uses his fame to touch young women inappropriately and I am angry I suppose. I am not saying he is a paedophile but the Saville comparison is because he uses his fame and charity connections to get access to people when their guard is down.

OP posts:
FrancesHaHa · 09/10/2016 15:09

I don't think you're being ridiculous OP.

Being a minor celebrity might be relevant, in that sleazy men often use their status and power to get away with being sleazy . Just because we put up with it all the time doesn't make it ok.

Also, I didn't take it that you were comparing him to Savile, more that it had triggered a memory.
Not sure how well emailing him will work though - doesnt sound like the sort of bloke who would much care.

deathandtaxes123 · 09/10/2016 15:10

The reason I ask if you have any proof is that there is such as Moorov's law in Scotland which is basically a law of corroboration. I don't think you'd get far with the accusation you've levelled but it's something to bear in mind.

If you're in England, I'm not sure what the equivalent law is.

ChequeOff · 09/10/2016 15:11

he made a sexual advance but you didn't show him that it was unwanted. That's is absolutely NOT the same as a paedophile abusing vulnerable children.

If you feel strongly about it, report him to the police Hmm.

BakeOffBiscuits · 09/10/2016 15:12

Gosh I think you've had done very harsh replies op.

Of course this is nothing like JS but
I do think you should email him and state his attention was unwanted and he shouldn't be touching women, under the table. It might just make him think twice about doing it again.

FrancesHaHa · 09/10/2016 15:12

X posted.

Agree with educating children, nieces etc

SheldonsSpot · 09/10/2016 15:13

It's doubtful the police will do anything about a man touching your leg earlier this year.

If you contact his employers they will be like "WTF?Hmm", and rightly so.

I don't know what you hope to achieve by emailing him? Will he even have the foggiest idea who you are? He will probably save it into his "crank mail" folder.

Lweji · 09/10/2016 15:13

how ridiculous you sound

Actually dan (DS actually likes danTDM, I hope you're not him), you're being ridiculous. This is a woman who felt she was not treated properly and asking what she can or should do.
It's people like you that put off women from reporting sexual abuse.

As for there being too many instances to report, maybe if we reported them all, both the police and the twats would start taking it more seriously.

pregnantat50 · 09/10/2016 15:13

a loud, "get your hand off my leg"! in front of the other dinner guests would have been better

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour · 09/10/2016 15:13

I think this should have been addressed at the time. any hints as to whom we are talking about ? Wink

BakeOffBiscuits · 09/10/2016 15:14

And I think you're brave to suggest emailing him. He needs to be told he's a sexual pest and needs to stop it!

avocadosweet · 09/10/2016 15:14

How do you know his email address?

Lweji · 09/10/2016 15:15

a loud, "get your hand off my leg"! in front of the other dinner guests would have been better

nice one, making the OP responsible for responding appropriately.

Obsidian77 · 09/10/2016 15:17

Perhaps his celebrity status means he thinks he's a bit special and assumes ladies just love him, so he's more likely to be inappropriate in his behaviour unless it's addressed than Geoff from accounts at the work Christmas do.
Completely unrelated to op's case but a friend quit a job as station manager at a radio station because the "celeb" on their headline show was atrocious to work and behaved in a way that would have got anyone else fired with but got away with it because the station owners felt that ratings were more important.
In your case op I think if you'd complained at the time it would have been better, it would be too easy for him to deny it or question your motives now.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:17

Yes with 20 20 hindsight I would have called him there and then. But I was nervous about being at the event and I believe he sensed that. It was not normal flirting.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/10/2016 15:17

Well who else was supposed to tell him to get his hand off her leg? I'm baffled that OP or anyone else would want to somehow make this somebody else's responsible for dealing with that reprehensible behaviour.

Kidnapped · 09/10/2016 15:18

You've done nothing wrong, OP.

Seriously. This is exactly how sleazebags get away with their behaviour - society tells them they have fuck all responsibility and why didn't you tell him to stop? All the focus on you and none on him.

You need to change your behaviour (and put up with the ridicule on here) but he can carry on groping every woman he comes across.

What a lovely world this is for us all. Big sigh.

Lweji · 09/10/2016 15:21

Well who else was supposed to tell him to get his hand off her leg?

It's not a matter of who was supposed to tell him. HE wasn't supposed to do it to start with.

From his experience, women aren't likely to put him on the spot in front of everyone, which is why he did it under the table and in a formal event. How likely would it be that the OP, if visibly nervous, would challenge him for something nobody else was witnessing?

The OP's response is very common, and yours, sadly, is too, and one that puts responsibility of policing men's bad behaviour on the victims.

Longtalljosie · 09/10/2016 15:24

If you contact his employers they will be like "WTF?hmm", and rightly so.

Not in this climate, they won't. A presenter for a channel is an ambassador for that channel. Plus this sort of thing tends be taken more seriously if there are multiple reports.

There is a comparison with Savile, not that the offences compare, but it all comes back to some celebrities thinking they can use women /children at will.

If you want to report it I would. In your shoes I would say that you're not expecting any sudden action with relation to your report, but if the rumours you hear about him are true and this is typical behaviour, you hope your report will support any junior member of staff who complains in the future.

daisychain01 · 09/10/2016 15:24

I'd have said "did you put your hand on my leg on purpose just now??" In a loud voice. And look at him quizzically, waiting for his reply.

Either way, he's admitting to touching you leg, but nice to watch him squirming in front of witnesses.

pregnantat50 · 09/10/2016 15:24

whilst at the event she was in a safe environment to confront him, you never know he may have been touching other guests under the table inapproprately too :)

WeArePregnant11 · 09/10/2016 15:24

Don't complain to his employer and don't go to the police. You don't have witnesses and it was quite some time ago... he'll simply say you're lying or trying to destroy his "good name".

All I can do is give you advice for next time.
Next time you won't be confused or surprised. You'll grab his hand, look him in his face and tell him no.
I know it's difficult, I had experiences like that (experiences I personally would classify as much more violent and intrusiveness and I beat myself up after it for not reacting differently) and I didn't react like I should. But if you don't react whilst it happens or right after there isn't a whole lot you can do.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:25

Thanks to those who have been understanding. And we'll done to everyone who would've been confident enough to draw attention at the time. Bully for you.

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 09/10/2016 15:25

Do not email him and say you are on to him Hmm. If you are genuinely distressed by what he saw then ring 101 and report. If you're wanting something as he's a celeb, don't.