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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not help her?

376 replies

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 22:41

Last year a colleague covered some hours at work for me (just a couple) so I could see my son's assembly at school. She has now asked me to return the favour but I have said no because it would mean I couldn't pick ds up from school and would have to ask dh to take time off to collect ds. Ds had sn which is why I can't just ask a friend to collect him. My colleague seems a bit put out and I have apologised, but I was hoping she'd be more understanding? I would happily help if I could do it without it affecting ds.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 09/09/2016 22:42

Is she asking as a one off?

Domino20 · 09/09/2016 22:43

I understand your rationale but she is never going to do you a favour again.

Original poster
DorothyL · 09/09/2016 22:44

Yes a one off. I know I can never ask her again, but I really can't do it.

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 09/09/2016 22:45

Depends why she's asking, and if you are able to accommodate it.
In your shoes, I'd give her some time / dates that would work for you. You did ask her a favour, after all.

cankles · 09/09/2016 22:45

YABU you shouldn't have asked for a favour if there was a strong likelihood you couldn't return it. Why didn't you just take some leave?

thebakerwithboobs · 09/09/2016 22:45

I'm afraid you're burning your bridges with her. It's hardly life or death if your husband has to pick him up once and it'll mean at his next assembly you'll find yourself short of options.

MakeMyWineADouble · 09/09/2016 22:46

It's hard I can see what you saying but she put herself out to help you if it was a one off I probably would do this for her. I too wouldn't expect any more favours from her or others to be honest but that's just what my workplace is like yours might be different

Thattimeofyearagain · 09/09/2016 22:46

Oh, ok then, crack on.

Stylingwax · 09/09/2016 22:46

I think if you ask for that kind of favour you need to be clear you'll never return it.

Ningnang2000 · 09/09/2016 22:47

Sorry if I appear ignorant but what is sn and why does that mean a friend can do the pick up?

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 22:47

You shouldn't have asked her to do you a favour.

why can't your DH leave work early?

neonrainbow · 09/09/2016 22:47

You could do it, youre just being selfish.

silverduck · 09/09/2016 22:47

Well, normally it's give and take isn't it? Is it impossible for your DH to take some leave? She won't help you out again, and she might tell others who won't then either.

PepsiPenguin · 09/09/2016 22:49

If I asked a colleague can you do me a favour to cover hours for XYZ reason and found out that they would not be able to pick up their child at all from school and in order for them to be able to cover me for a favour I did for them once however long ago meant their husband then had to take time off work, if feel bloody awful that they felt beholdent to me to that extent.

AtrociousCircumstance · 09/09/2016 22:51

Don't feel bad. She did you a favour but it doesn't mean you then have to comply with whatever she requests.

You don't owe her your immortal soul Grin

DropYourSword · 09/09/2016 22:52

There's a difference between really not being able to do something, and not wanting to do something. You're minimising the favour she did you (just a couple of hours) and not reciprocating. I don't think it's fair to ask a favour if you don't then return the courtesy.

Planty18 · 09/09/2016 22:52

I think it is natural for her to ask you to do this as she did you exactly the same favour. I'm not hugely surprised that she's a bit put out, as she probably would have expected you to be happy to return the favour but I also don't think you're being unreasonable if there is no one else who can pick up your child for the reasons you've mentioned. A difficult situation.

Original poster
DorothyL · 09/09/2016 22:53

I am a teacher so needed cover and couldn't just take leave.

She wants help so that she can leave early to go away for the weekend.

For her to cover me she didn't need to do anything "extra", she was in school anyway and just had to sit with my group.

(Sorry for dripfeeding!)

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 09/09/2016 22:53

You will have to take holiday next time,she won't be helping you out again.

Gardenbirds123 · 09/09/2016 22:54

What dropyoursword said

Meadows76 · 09/09/2016 22:59

Good god no YANBU. Just because she did you a favour a year ago doesn't mean you should be available ALWAYS just in case she decideds to call one in.

Original poster
DorothyL · 09/09/2016 22:59

I just feel it's not equivalent because she was in school anyway, she just spent her non-teaching time sitting with my group (that I had left work for) . I, however, would have to work on my son's emotions for days (he gets very stressed about change in routine, sn means special needs) and dh would have to take leave

OP posts:
user1473282350 · 09/09/2016 22:59

Hang on, so for a period of time your school thinks it's ok to double on on the child per teacher ratio???

Surely this should be covered by a substitute.

Original poster
DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:00

She was there but not teaching because her teaching group was on study leave

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 09/09/2016 23:01

Is it so bad for your DH to take leave?

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