to not help her?

[DorothyL]

Last year a colleague covered some hours at work for me (just a couple) so I could see my son's assembly at school. She has now asked me to return the favour but I have said no because it would mean I couldn't pick ds up from school and would have to ask dh to take time off to collect ds. Ds had sn which is why I can't just ask a friend to collect him. My colleague seems a bit put out and I have apologised, but I was hoping she'd be more understanding? I would happily help if I could do it without it affecting ds.

[user1473282350]

She should have been doing other things than covering your class though.

[DorothyL]

User, she was expected to do things like write schemes of work which she could still do while sitting with my group

[silverduck]

So, would there have been any time ever that you could return the favour? I agree with the person that said you are minimising them helping you.

[Sellingyesterdaysnews]

You owe her the hours and need to pay her back. Is it possible to do this at a time convenient for you?
We do this in work quite a lot as it is difficult to get leave and we always repay the hours it's a given. Sometimes if someone owes me but I don't really need the hours back I will say no worries but it has to be that way round.

[Theimpossiblegirl]

I would try to reciprocate- you never know when you might need a favour again. If colleagues can't help each other out from time to time, it's not much of a team. I say this as a fellow teacher.

[Floralnomad]

I think YABU , and very selfish ,you will eventually want another favour and if I were your colleague I would make sure everyone else at school knew that you are a taker but not a giver .

[Amandahugandkisses]

She helped you. You can't be bothered to return the favour. It's pretty obvious.

[BombadierFritz]

did you make it clear you wouldnt be able to return the favour? tbh i'd have got dh to take time off if that was necessary, its hard to cover teaching hours, as you know, and keeping colleagues onside is important.

[user1473282350]

Dorothy - fair play.

I think you owe her one to be honest (even though, I think neither of you should have done this swapsie playing in the first place!).

[DorothyL]

Those who are saying I'm minimising her help - I do think what she did was nice but not a massive favour. It basically just involved doing the work she was doing anyway in a different room.

[Sara107]

Obviously it isn't an exact like for like situation, but thinking ahead, you needed this favour once - might you not need similar again? Was there any sort of conversation when she took your class about you returning the favour ( that would have made her think it was ok to ask you)? If it's really not possible then you can't do it, but I don't expect you can count on her help the next time you want to go to your son's assembly!

[BombadierFritz]

and do you think in future your colleagues will help you out again with this 'barely a favour at all' act? its a pain preparing stuff whilst watching a class, as you know!

[Ningnang2000]

Ah I see. I think you are not being unreasonable. It's not a like for like situation. Yes you still owe her a favour but what she did for you did not put her out much and what she is asking you to do is work extra, ask your dh to take time off and potentially upset your special needs son. It might be worth explaining how disrupture it would be and how you know you know yoi still owe her but unfortunately can't this time. There must be other teachers who can help.

[DorothyL]

We didn't play swapsies, we didn't discuss it being an exchange of favours.

You are probably right and I would not ask her again now, and I would do it if I saw a way.

[DorothyL]

Fritz, my group were four sixth formers, not an unruly bunch

[MakeMyWineADouble]

You see what she did as minimal, who she probably sees what she's asking you to do as less than it is, (i do understand it's not) but the point I'm making is people see things differently! End of the day if you can't do it you can't do it, nothing said here will or can change that! I just wouldn't be expecting people to be doing you favours for a while t

[MakeMyWineADouble]

Though

[DropYourSword]

Sorry Dorothy that was me who mentioned minimising her help, which was before you updated with subsequent posts explaining what she did.

[Headofthehive55]

You can't write schemes if work etc as easily whilst you are supervising the class. She might have had to do some extra work at home to make up for it.
You most likely will want to ask other favours in the future, sports days, plays, all sorts of things. You need to think about paying back. It's give and take.

[CafeCremeEtCroissant]

Yes, what you asked of her & what's she's asking of you aren't comparable, at all.

Does she know your DS has SN & the impact it would have on him & your DH? If she dies, she's being massively unreasonable asking. If she doesn't, you should tell her.

Personally, I'd be mortified if I'd done you that wee favour, if you felt obliged to upset your DS & make your DH take time off work to 'repay' me. But then, I don't do favours to 'bank' a favour - I do them because I want to & can.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

It's obviously tricky due to the SN but if you need someone to cover for you to have any working time off, then you need to think of the longer term.

Can you offer to cover for her at all? If so, I'd explain about your DC and tell her the days you can help, maybe she might choose to book an appointment then rather than a weekend or a day off. Sometimes you just can't do the favour asked, but you should return it.

If you can't ever return the favour I think you should have been upfront with that at the time you asked her to cover for you.

Lots of people do favours in order to gain a favour in return. She was still sat with your group, available to them if needed and not sat in the refuge of the staff room with tea and cake. She also did it to enable you to see your son's assembly (which was clearly a big deal to you) which you might not have been able to do without her help. I think you owe her quite a bit if you want to ask her again this year.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

You ARE minimising her time - it's clear that you have the attitude that she didn't have anything better to do, and now you won't help her out.

Just don't expect her to lift a finger to help in future - I have been in a similar position and now the person who took the piss doesn't get any help from me

[DorothyL]

I would be happy to help her in other ways, photocopying or other admin stuff... I did explain in the email about my son but she didn't reply

[LugsTheDog]

It doesn't affect DS, it affects DH. You need to pay her back sometime, or lose her goodwill. Might as well get it done. It is so worthwhile cultivating these things.

If you really really can't swing this one (and this depends on your DH's job) then you need to be at least actively seeking an opportunity to pay her back. Otherwise she will think you're just a user.

[Headofthehive55]

I can't concentrate to do that sort if work at all, in a class, even with the quiet sixth formers. I'd have ended up taking the work home, whilst saying it's no bother to the person who asked me.