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AIBU?

to not help her?

376 replies

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 22:41

Last year a colleague covered some hours at work for me (just a couple) so I could see my son's assembly at school. She has now asked me to return the favour but I have said no because it would mean I couldn't pick ds up from school and would have to ask dh to take time off to collect ds. Ds had sn which is why I can't just ask a friend to collect him. My colleague seems a bit put out and I have apologised, but I was hoping she'd be more understanding? I would happily help if I could do it without it affecting ds.

OP posts:

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LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/09/2016 23:41

You aren't going to be persuaded that you are being unreasonable are you? Oh well, like I said, perhaps stop asking people to help out - save others thinking you are taking the piss.

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:41

As what I asked her was really not a very big deal I never expected her to ask me for something like this. If she asks me next summer to cover for her when my groups are on study leave and I'm in school anyway I'll be happy to do it more than once

OP posts:

MrsHam13 · 09/09/2016 23:41

yabu.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/09/2016 23:42

Like a PP said, your colleague will probably tell others anyway so you may find favours harder to come by

george1020 · 09/09/2016 23:42

OP you cannot decide what favour equals what! It's petty and obnoxious and you're only trying to justify it all because you know you're behaving in a shitty way.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/09/2016 23:42

Yabvu. Are you not familiar with the saying.
You scratch my back. I'll scratch yours
Put the boot on the other foot. Wouldn't you be pissed off

Minisoksmakehardwork · 09/09/2016 23:42

I do think yabu to have asked a favour with no intention of taking it back. Your circumstances aside, she gave you 2 hours to do something you wanted to do, and she is asking you to give her 2 hours to do something she wants to. It really is as basic as hay. It doesn't matter that hers is 'only' to be able to get off for a weekend away a little earlier. Yours was 'only' to attend an assembly. Presumably if she hadn't done you the favour, you would not have been able to go.

How much notice has she given in asking? A week and I think she could have given you longer. Any more than that and I do think you would have time to prepare your son for a one off chance to his routine. It might not be ideal but morally you do owe her a favour in return.

FrancisCrawford · 09/09/2016 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:43

No Boney on a Friday I leave at lunch, the afternoon is free and unpaid time for me. I would stay in school for her when I normally don't. It would be unpaid as well, when she was paid for the time she gave to me (though that's not the issue for me)

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LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/09/2016 23:44

Still minimising what she did and putting conditions in place. If someone did me a favour I would expect to return it with more than they had done, but maybe that's just me.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 09/09/2016 23:44

*that, not hay

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:45

Yes I am Francis

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DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:46

Mini, a week's notice

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queenofthepirates · 09/09/2016 23:46

Yikes, you are very self unaware aren't you? Most of the posters here are explaining that you are being unreasonable and yet you persist in your belief you are right.
What you fail to grasp is that she will feel aggrieved and most likely, forward your email round to a few friends who will support her feelings. That cuts down your pool of favour givers even further. It also makes you a bit of a social pariah. You'll get a reputation for selfish behaviour. I would rethink your approach and go back to her with an apology, she certainly deserves it. I am glad you're not my colleague.

george1020 · 09/09/2016 23:46

You can't just say 'well I will return the favour you did me but it must be x at y time and only for 2 hours and I will do it unpaid but it must not encroach on my life etc etc'
I don't understand why you can't see that?

Minisoksmakehardwork · 09/09/2016 23:47

If you're going to argue the point that you'd be working during unpaid time, you didn't work during paid time when she did you the favour. So actually you owe your employers the paid hours.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/09/2016 23:48

Ah the AIBU chestnut:

OP: AIBU

Everyone else: Yes!

OP: No I'm not

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/09/2016 23:48

DorothyL

Your last post is the game changer for me. In that you wouldn't normally be there.

But having covered classes for other teachers, it is rare that it is just go in, sit down and let them get on with it (maybe its just that I like to get involved) so I do think that you are minimising what she did for you.

ReginaBlitz · 09/09/2016 23:49

Not rtft.. But you are being fucking selfish. She helped you out and put herself out but now you can't be arsed and you're making petty excuses.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 09/09/2016 23:49

How much notice did you ask of her?

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:50

About a month's notice

OP posts:

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:52

Not everyone else Livia

OP posts:

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george1020 · 09/09/2016 23:52

Have you spoken to your DH? What does he think? Would he leave work early to pick up DS?

Bluebolt · 09/09/2016 23:54

The mistake you made was not making it clear at the time. I too have a child with special needs and other parents helped me out taking my other DCs to school when struggling with taxis for DS2. Whilst I made it clear that I would not be able to do like for like favours I found other ways to show appreciation. There was no expectations on either side.

DorothyL · 09/09/2016 23:57

Bluebolt you are right, I should have thought this through and communicated at the time

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