To start a TWELFTH thread that nobody responds to?

[AverageGayLad]

See that? A Twelfth. Not the.

Welcome to the twelfth (it DOES look a weird word ) thread that nobody responds to! We're a fun bunch, the most fun on mumsnet!! I cba to list everyone and who they are, but I'm sure newbies will get to know us through our posts A couple of quotes from posters, which will have to do as opposed to me writing a description of everyone:

I'd like the words mysterious, mystical and endowed with supetnatural powers after my name please, AGL. says Bettercallsaul1

MyDressIsInferiorBlue adds:
Get a battery operated rabbit they are less trouble than a man but can still thrust (and always on demand too, unlike a man)

AGL I'd like the words 'hot', 'intellectual' and 'witty' after my name, please. No 'flouncing', 'dunno' or 'Co-Op Boy' (the latter is well and truly over). says ItShouldHaveBeenJess, as well as being quoted telling us:
I'd be happy with a thrust. Just one.

Let the insane posts, photos and pouting begin!

cc, yes I have that. I get incredibly worried for a few minutes. It usually happens in the bath so I stare at my stomach suspiciously waiting to see a foot kicking.

Photo! Photo! Photo!!!!

red I clearly missed something in a previous thread, could you be up la duff?

And glad it's not just me!!!

Completely freaked out for at least 4 minutes

It's the (altruistic) thought that counts, Portia!

I seriously bloody hope I'm not pregnant. Now would not be convenient.

You might be being??!! How have I missed all this

Lifeguard requirements for the purpose of those wondering why I don't qualify anymore

rnli.org/aboutus/training/Pages/Lifeguard-training.aspx

I saved a woman's life in Cuba. She was on an air bed in the sea, gone out of her depth and couldn't swim. Fell off the air bed and was going under the water panicking and splashing. I did the lifesaving thing where you hold their chin and swim that I was taught years ago in school and brought her back and walked her to her husband. She was Argentinian and could only say thank you thank you through her tears. I sat with her a while until she stopped shaking, then I went back to DH and I started shaking then. DS1 was with me at the time too. I had that split second decision where I had to decide to leave DS1 treading water and swim out to the woman. DS1 pretty much followed me to her instead of staying put.

Shook me up a bit afterwards.

Saved a man from choking on my last holiday. They wait for be to be around before they try dying I swear!!!!

Well, this thread is hurtling to a conclusion! Ready for your coven thread, Jess?

I saved 2 young girls last year in Spain. Life guarded pool. Makes my heart pound just thinking about it.

The second girls parents weren't even poolside.

Lifeguards must be able to:

• swim 200m in under 3½ minutes,
• run 200m on sand in under 40 seconds.

That's faster than i could ever dream of being pretty quick

Red after all the deaths here last week. Everyone should have your skills.
The shorething I linked to is great for dc

CC I'm on the mini pill, but it's not 100% effective is it. And I've been exhausted lately and had that weird fluttery kicking feeling.

That is wonderful, Red! Those are fantastic skills to have. And to be able to use them without hesitating or panicking is a tremendous achievement in itself. What a difference you made to those people's lives!

Oh my goodness, for CC as well! We have some heroes on this thread!

Well done Red and CC

I still do beach patrols if needed but it's mostly lost children
Did save a child years ago who had got caught in a rip .....parents nowhere near!!!!

No photos, too busy perving.

Could yell you an 'amusing' story about Poundland pregnancy tests' but would involve giving certain individuals who don't deserve it 'airtime'.

red. Love you more each day.

So you might actually be pregnant, Being? . Last time the subject was mentioned - erm yesterday - you gave several cast-iron reasons why it was completely impossible for you to get pregnant at this point!

The best laid plans of mice and men...

I'm definitely the sort of person to jump in and do something first and think about it later. I've no idea how I manage to be so calm but once it's over I start to shake.

The man on this last holiday swallowed a mushroom at breakfast and it got lodged, he was turning blue, everyone was just watching with their hands at their mouths as I was walloping his back. I was about to get DH to do the heimlich cos he was quite a big chap and my arms would never have got around him, but massive blow to his back and it popped out with a load of vomit. I had strangers coming up to me saying how well I did. I didn't know how to respond! Was a bit embarrassing afterwards because everyone was looking at me and I don't like to be the centre of attention. It was in the huge, packed buffet restaurant on a cruise.

Saved two young boys a few years back. They couldn't swim and their parents had left them at a huge and deep pool where no one spoke their language. I mean why wouldn't you?. They had to be collected from somewhere else in the Hotel and advised their children had almost drowned. Utter fuckwits.

Oo people's maybe with buns in oven's - how exciting!.

Has anyone else read the William thread?.God I nearly died laughing - thread gold!

Hang on. Have I missed that both Red and being actually thinking they are pregnant?!?

It's scary when you think back.