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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that sleeping around is perfectly fine?

379 replies

Kikibanana86 · 15/08/2016 20:16

Ok so I have had my fair share of one night stands, flings, relationships, oh and a marriage!

I've had quite a "good time" since my separation last year, and my close friends are very supportive and usually eager to hear the gossip!

I don't want a relationship as I have children, my house, career prospects etc and I love being single. I do however have a high sex drive and I do like male attention so I have quite a few friends with benefits and I still do all the tinder/pof stuff too.

An old friend I don't live near anymore made some quite judgemental comments about what I was getting up to and it surprised me, as none of my friends are like that and actually admit to living vicariously thorough me Grin

So I was thinking about it, and why do some people think it's wrong to have casual sex with as many people as you like as long as it's consensual, you use protection and you're not cheating on anyone?

I can't think of any reasons why? Where does it come from? Religion? Keeping women in their place?

OP posts:
DelicatePreciousThing1 · 17/08/2016 13:43

What planet? I wonder what planet people like the OP inhabits.
shudder

DelicatePreciousThing1 · 17/08/2016 13:44

...inhabit.

GraysAnalogy · 17/08/2016 13:44

'Aren't you worried your fanny will end up looking like a kebab?""What will the neighbours think?""Aren't you embarrassed to show your body to younger men when you've had kids?""Won't you get a reputation?"

If any of my friends said things like that they wouldn't be my friend.

IPityThePontipines · 17/08/2016 13:44

I would agree with Polly here about the online part.

Even if your post was about inviting a different stranger round your house every week to play chess, it's still very risky behaviour.

In general, I think the tide will turn with regards to STI's too. There are now antibiotic resistant strains of syphilis and gonorrhea, both of which can be spread via oral sex. I don't think there is enough awareness of this at all.

PollyPerky · 17/08/2016 14:06

I thought I'd lived a bit but I can't understand the connection between a kebab and a fanny. Chicken? Lamb? Pork? With peppers and onions? Nope, nothing's helping me.....

PollyPerky · 17/08/2016 14:07

Exactly IPity

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 17/08/2016 14:09

Me neither polly! Is it because kebabs come on skewers maybe? Even that doesn't make any sense! Anyway, it's not a very good insult analogy for the frenemy friend to use if nobody can work out what the hell it means!

maggiethemagpie · 17/08/2016 14:11

There's absolutely nothing wrong with it if you are ok with it. Personally, if i like em enough to sleep with em I will develop feelings for them and want a relationship, so pre hubby was never very good at one night stands.

The double standards thing clearly comes from the time when women didn't have access to contraception and, if unmarried, would be a big headache for society (I'm talking pre 1960s). They'd carry the evidence of the shag, so were the ones to get the blame.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing or something more hard wired/evolutionary that a lot of men would happily have a one night stand, but would feel shame if their wife/daughter was 'sleeping around' . It is certainly very hypocritical. I know not ALL men would sleep around particularly if attached but let's face it most young, free single men would probably not turn down a one nighter if offered to them on a plate.

GraysAnalogy · 17/08/2016 14:19

Oh dear haha

The kebab thing isn't to do with skewers, it's a donner kebab. Its sort of meant to tie in with the ridiculous notion that women who sleep around a lot have large labia ie apparently look like a donner kebab.

HuskyLover1 · 17/08/2016 14:22

I think it's fine.

However, in your shoes, I would ensure that a friend knows where you are, if you are at a guys house. I had a ONS and when I woke up the next day, he had an Axe hanging on his wall. He was fine, it was there for genuine reasons, but I can just remember thinking how risky I had been going back to a strangers flat.

Of the ONS that I had, they were all just a bit "Meh". Quite selfish in bed. I'm not sure that you can get really great sex, when that's all it is - just sex. I am married now, and DH surpasses any other sex I've had, I presume because there is an emotional connection as well.

Buy hey some sex is better than none, so bash on and just be careful.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 17/08/2016 14:28

Aaaaah haha thanks for clarifying grays! Confused what a disgusting thing for her to say! She does sound like a treat. I thought she might be concerned about the OP because she cares about her, but that's not the sort of comment I'd make to any of my friends in a million years, because it's terribly insulting and I don't want to insult my friends because I love them. That's what friendship is meant to mean in my book.

I wouldn't like to do what the OP does sex-wise. Though, of course I accept we are all different, so if that's what she enjoys and it's all open and honest between her and her partners then of course it's fine. I do think she should take some of the sensible advice on here re personal safety and stds on board. Aside from that though, I'd consider looking for some new friends!

PollyPerky · 17/08/2016 14:33

A donner kebab looks like a huge sausage. Labia? Hmmm......

I'm a bit worried that men travel all the way from London to the south coast to have sex with the OP- because that suggests they can't find anyone closer to home if all they want is a ONS.

I feel very worried that you are letting almost strangers into your house for sex, and they stay over, when they have travelled so far for it. Kind of smacks of desperation on their part.

GarlicMistake · 17/08/2016 14:34

You have certain types and none of those is available...? You do realise how this sounds, no?

I don't Confused Can you explain, please?

I, too, live in the arse end of nowhere. I've only met 2 men I would sleep with since moving here 9 years ago. Both are married, so I don't sleep with anyone. I wouldn't be able to get anyone to travel a long way for the honour of sex with me! OP, evidently, can. Good for her.

RestlessTraveller · 17/08/2016 14:35

Maybe they're just choosy.

RestlessTraveller · 17/08/2016 14:36

And maybe the OP is worth travelling for?

VestalVirgin · 17/08/2016 14:40

Its sort of meant to tie in with the ridiculous notion that women who sleep around a lot have large labia ie apparently look like a donner kebab.

Oo. Why would sleeping around affect the look of the labia? I mean, even if intercourse had any effect on them, sleeping three times a week with the same man would be worse than once a week with a stranger. Weird.

Of the ONS that I had, they were all just a bit "Meh". Quite selfish in bed. I'm not sure that you can get really great sex, when that's all it is - just sex.

I would be worried about that, too. So far, even trying to meet people I would like to play boardgames with has resulted in meeting lots more misogynistic assholes than I would like.

On the other hand, those men I had those problems with tend to socialize with other men, who probably never call them out on their misogyny.

Men who actively look for casual sex might have learnt after some trial and error that being a selfish asshole in bed leads to having less sex. So perhaps there is some kind of evolution at work.

MindSweeper · 17/08/2016 14:40

think you can sort of get the picture polly. They only look like sausages if you eat them wrapped up which not a lot of people do ha

horrible saying anyway.

To think that sleeping around is perfectly fine?
brambly · 17/08/2016 14:43

Kebab fannies?! Surely, surely there aren't WOMEN that actually believe that having lots of sex alters the appearance of the vulva. That there are men this dumb is bad enough.

By that token a married woman who's had no other partners would have a far more "kebab like" fanny than a perennially single party woman, since the latter probably has far less sex total.

The hyper-promiscuous woman I mentioned in my previous comment once slept with a pretty horrendous bloke who was just back from navy service. He proceeded to inform anther close friend of mine that "you can always tell when they're good girls like [name of hyper promiscuous friend he'd slept with] because they're so snug downstairs". He said she had the "grippiest" and prettiest vagina he'd ever encountered. He was clearly being entirely serious, and apparently banged on about it for ages even though they never saw one another again.

Normally I'd be inclined to vomit, but I roared. Roared. She'd not only had a baby vaginally, but she'd had over 400 sexual partners.

cantshakeitoff · 17/08/2016 14:44

Surely you're more at risk of having a floppy, kebab like vagina if you don't use it?

If you give it lots of excercise it'll tighten up and look fab.

I'm with you OP, enjoy it while you're single. Nothing wrong with it at all.

MindSweeper · 17/08/2016 14:47

Some women believe this.

I know it was a thing when I was at school, people believed it then. Adults still believe it after things I've heard in RL and read on social media.

brambly · 17/08/2016 14:50

How thick would you have to be though? How on earth could a vagina tell the difference between Tom's cock and James's and then loosen or change appearance accordingly? It's a muscular structure designed to be penetrated by penises plural.

PollyPerky · 17/08/2016 14:53

Well, you learn something new every day. Or rather you don't because it's all a load of nonsense.

'fraid the biggest 'insults' we used to trade at school was 'she's as floppy as a welly top' or 'she's had more traffic through her than the Mersey tunnel.' Quaint in comparison.

PollyPerky · 17/08/2016 14:54

It's a muscular structure designed to be penetrated by penises plural.

But only one at a time - surely?

itsmine · 17/08/2016 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GarlicMistake · 17/08/2016 15:08

Is there no end to the magic power of the mighty penis Grin It can even change other people's anatomy.