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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that sleeping around is perfectly fine?

379 replies

Kikibanana86 · 15/08/2016 20:16

Ok so I have had my fair share of one night stands, flings, relationships, oh and a marriage!

I've had quite a "good time" since my separation last year, and my close friends are very supportive and usually eager to hear the gossip!

I don't want a relationship as I have children, my house, career prospects etc and I love being single. I do however have a high sex drive and I do like male attention so I have quite a few friends with benefits and I still do all the tinder/pof stuff too.

An old friend I don't live near anymore made some quite judgemental comments about what I was getting up to and it surprised me, as none of my friends are like that and actually admit to living vicariously thorough me Grin

So I was thinking about it, and why do some people think it's wrong to have casual sex with as many people as you like as long as it's consensual, you use protection and you're not cheating on anyone?

I can't think of any reasons why? Where does it come from? Religion? Keeping women in their place?

OP posts:
notamummy10 · 16/08/2016 13:21

It's your life so it's up to you but as long as you are safe, happy and using contraception, I don't see why not!!

RestlessTraveller · 16/08/2016 13:22

Lying I think the issue here is lumping all men into one box and all women into another. I appreciate you don't think it's genderless but it should be!

Bogeyface · 16/08/2016 13:22

I think its fine, far healthier than being completely unfulfilled and frustrated.

I couldnt do it because I have a tendency to get emotionally involved, but my only judgement on you would be based on jealousy that you can do it successfully and I cant :o

itsmine · 16/08/2016 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kikibanana86 · 16/08/2016 13:22

I don't want a bun fight or to change people's opinions, I just want to know why some people look down on it? No ones given me any in depth explanation so far. A couple have said it's cheap or dirty, but why???

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 16/08/2016 13:24

That's a great point OP I have no other reference for the word 'cheap' other then it doesn't cost very much.

Original poster
Kikibanana86 · 16/08/2016 13:24

Itsmine I'm not desperate and I don't know where you get that from tbh.
I like sex a lot, and I don't want to do it with the same person, therefore having a few on the go at the same time satisfies me and they know we're not in a relationship so why not?

OP posts:
squoosh · 16/08/2016 13:25

I couldnt do it because I have a tendency to get emotionally involved

My problem is is that the people I actually fancy are far and few between!

Bogeyface · 16/08/2016 13:26

Well there is also that Squoosh This thread has made me think about it and the number of men I know who are a) available and b) I would actually consider sleeping with is vanishingly small :o

All the ones I fancy are taken!

Original poster
Kikibanana86 · 16/08/2016 13:26

And j really agree with what squoosh said about men's opinions being the be all and end all, I don't really care if they secretly think I'm a slut, it's not their opinions I'm interested in tbh!

OP posts:
RestlessTraveller · 16/08/2016 13:27

'itsmine I think for you being promiscuous is not good mentally or physically, and that's fine. Making the decision that it's not good for anyone else, not so fine.

Bogeyface · 16/08/2016 13:32

Why do people look down on you?

Because of centuries of conditioning.

Women who enjoyed sex "too much" (ie. at all) could be institutionalised during Victorian times and after. Sex is the marriage debt, theoretically it is owed on both sides but in reality it was a woman who was expected to surrended it whenever it was demanded. A woman who wanted sex on her own terms just for the sheer hell of it, and not for procreation, was viewed with great suspiscion. Proper God fearing men would only want sex to make babies, and proper God fearing women wouldnt want sex at all but would submit to it in order to please their husbands by having babies. Any other kind of woman was fallen, usually a prostitute, and therefore looked down on by the rest of society.

Its only in the last 60 years or so, since we have had access to reliable contraception, that women could have sex for fun. Sadly 60 years hasnt been long enough to get rid of 2000 years of misogyny and subjugation, so anyone who does is judged to be a slut or a nymphomaniac.

The idea that a man "Wont buy the cow if he can get the milk for free" assumes that the "cow" wants to be bought!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 16/08/2016 13:33

My first marriage was an open relationship and we both had sex with other people - it was the best part of our relationship! Xdh understood I didn't want to be tied down and sex wasn't an emotional thing for me, or rather it didn't have to be. Sex with a loving partner is different to fucking a relative stranger or fuck buddy. He agreed to it, at first he wasn't too keen on the idea but quickly enjoyed the rewards.

DH2 could not cope with the idea at all, for him sex is always emotional so that was the end of it, we are monogamous. I do miss my old sex life sometimes and see nothing wrong with fucking who you like.

If you are having sex with willing individuals and using protection its free and fun - what's not to like?

iloveeverykindofcat · 16/08/2016 13:36

Ditto what restless traveller said. You can make that decision for yourself. Not other adults.

Whatsshe0naboutnow · 16/08/2016 13:44

OP -in answer to your question, what "cheap" means is that something has less value.

This is the judgement many people will make. The fact that you're fine with that is up to you, of course.

LyinWitch put it better than I can. Sex is so intrinsically bound to gender psychology that to pretend otherwise is to miss the point altogether.

I think LyinWitch said it better than I can tbh.

Whatsshe0naboutnow · 16/08/2016 13:45

Sorry to repeat myself there - forgot to delete last sentence.

squoosh · 16/08/2016 13:46

This thread..........

RestlessTraveller · 16/08/2016 13:47

Whats but is it right that that's the case, and is it right that it should go unchallenged?

squoosh · 16/08/2016 13:48

And yet more of this 'but men will think you're cheap'. Because it's all about what the men think.

Zzzzzzz.

Lweji · 16/08/2016 13:49

Sex is so intrinsically bound to gender psychology

Can of worms there.
Can you explain?

RestlessTraveller · 16/08/2016 13:49

Also my sexual life is in no way bound to my gender so then it's not the case for everyone.

TheRealAdaLovelace · 16/08/2016 13:50

'men will think you are cheap' - I hate that, it reduces us all down to whores.

carefreeeee · 16/08/2016 14:01

It has the potential to cause problems (upset, affairs, secrets, STDs), that's undeniable.

And I wouldn't judge someone for sleeping with lots of people but I don't think it's nice to talk about it in public. Maybe with one or two carefully chosen close friends, but how would you like it if your male partner was regaling his work mates with stories of what you were like in bed?

Especially why bring it up with someone you already know doesn't approve? Are you trying to make them jealous? Just talk about something else!

Original poster
Kikibanana86 · 16/08/2016 14:13

I only bring it up because she asks! I'm not going to lie about it. I just tell her the truth, she asks me what I was doing at the weekend and the answer is usually done some painting,saw my friends, and had sex with a body builder from Bognor Regis 😂😂😂

OP posts:
singleandfabulous · 16/08/2016 14:25

the answer is usually done some painting,saw my friends, and had sex with a body builder from Bognor Regis 😂😂😂

Grin Good for you OP.

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