To ask what is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you - as I simply fancy hearing some funny tales / others may too ...

[ginorwine]

I can't say my actual funniest as it may out me to my rl friends but -
One was when I jumped over a wall after several wines - I thought I was going over into a field in my village
But I then dropped in a very relaxed wine induced manner about ten foot into a stream .
My friends heard a scream followed by a splosh sound and another scream .
My friend having been bought a drink by a dodgy man in a pub - didn't expect him to approach her - panicked when he looked away and poured it on the pub carpet ( the swirley wild kind of carpet which was dark red ) I didn't know where to look .
It's a dull rainy evening here and I'm trying to cheer it up somewhat .
😄

Many years ago, I worked as a teaching assistant in a secondary school. I was supporting in a lesson, I think Y7 or Y8. All going normally until a child needed to leave the room to go to the toilet or something. Child goes to the door, tries handle. It won't open. Teacher tries, still won't open. I try, nope. Whole class is locked in. No phone in the classroom, so teacher asks the students who has a mobile. Phones the school reception, explains the problem. A minute or two later, the caretaker arrives. He opens the door from the outside, walks in, closes it behind him. Says "What are you talking about, the door works fine?" Then goes to open it... Nope, handle only works from the outside. Cue another very red-faced call to reception on the student's phone. Whole class in fits of laughter.

My old boss asked me to guess how old I thought he was.

He was obviously about 45 so decided to err on the side of caution and be generous.

"43?" I said.

He had just taken a mouthful of coffee and instantly proceeded to turn a deep shade of puce and splutter-spray coffee all over the office.

"I'm THIRTY FOUR!" he said.

I love that, MrsCastle!

out walking with the family when a teen and we passed one of those huge grey and white dogs, you know the one off the paint?

well i excitedly shout out 'omg look, there's a durex dog'

I was in a playground with my little brother and boyfriend. They were playing spin the roundabout and jump on. I decided to try, couldn't hold on and got flung off and rolled across the floor. Apparently I looked like a power ranger. They laughed so hard they couldn't help me get up! We were all in our twenties when this happened

DH and I were at a Christening, which the Minister began with the immortal words, said with a wry chuckle:

"Last week, I got crabs from a local fisherman."

We utterly lost it, snorting, giggling. Nobody else blinked. I had to run outside.

I tend to tell my kids that I'll fart in their room if they don't hurry up and get ready for bed. Youngest ds was in no hurry and I let a particularly evil one rip while I was in his room (sage and onion stuffing does funny things to me!) He was in bed like a rocket after that, head hiding under the covers. The next day we were food shopping and as we are pushing the trolley through the main doors he turns to me and says "mum, you farted in my room last night. What do you have to say for yourself?!" I gave him a huge smile and said "it was really smelly, wasnt it!"

Years ago I used to do a lot of martial arts.

One of the guys who was fairly cocky and pretty overweight said airily 'Oh, I run 5 or six miles every day'

Someone quipped 'What, in the car?'

It was a combination of timing, wit and also the expression on the quipper's face that made it hilarious.

We are a very normal WC/MC family, not very well off at all. We had recently been reading 'The Giraffe, the Pelly and Me', an illustrated book in which a chauffeur has a small role.

The next day we were walking through a very quiet park, and an old man in a flat cap passed us, walking his dog. DS points at him and in very piercing, almost accusatory tones asks 'Is him a CHAUFFEUR?'

I was cracking up, imagining the bloke thought we must be terribly posh that our child thinks all men in hats are chauffeurs, wondering whether he thinks all women are maids etc.

Went to a funeral with ex boyfriend.

His dad's new girlfriend was there, she had just had a new haircut and was wearing large glasses. During the funeral he whispered to me 'She looks like bloody Elton John'

I literally couldn't stop laughing and had to sneak out.

One more: last year I suggested to my husband that we have a little Halloween party for our 3 yo and a couple of friends.

DH was all for it, and suggested one of the party activities be 'carving pumpkins'. At my horrified look, he hastily amended it to - 'Carving MINIATURE pumpkins'. Because that's what I was worried about, that the pumpkins would be too large - not that we'd be handing 3 year olds blades!

My friend dropped her dirty laundry including knickers on frount of her builders (crotch upward ) 😳
They said oops sunny side up . 😂😂😂

Toffee I had to leave a funeral once due to laughing as a child
I had a nervous reaction and the more I tried to not laugh the more I did
It was truly terrible and not really funny
It was terrible laughing when it's not actually funny

Actually I had to leave a funeral too!

We were just about to walk into the church when a friend said, in a thoughtful tone 'I just realised funeral is an anagram of real fun.'

Destroyed.

Not me but Ds who is 15. First thing was in gatwick airport there was a young lady about 17/18 doing promotional work for liquorice all sorts dress as a liquorice all sort she took a liking to Ds and she decided she was going to chase him round the departure lounge. Ds lost her a few times but as soon as he come and sat down with us she chased him again. I was actually crying with laughter this must have gone on for a 45 minutes. Everyone was laughing at the end lucky my Ds can take a joke. Second thing in America Grand Canyon and Ds is standing with Dd. Dd decided she wanted to look at something else and Ds also walked off Ds was first back and decided that he was gonna jump on Dd's back and annoyed her. He done a big run and jumped on her back only to find Dd had moved and he had just jumped on some random persons back. He has some funny things in his time.

As a teenager in full school uniform.

Tried to walk down the steps from the top deck of the bus as it took a sharp turn. I fell and spectacularly landed on the lap of a nice handsome man. With my skirt floating free.

Managed to casually get up and walk off the bus like nothing had happened.

This will out me, but fuck it - it still makes me giggle 15 years later.... Long story, but worth reading....

When we were in 1st year at uni we lived in halls that were split into flats of 12 people. One of the girls in our flat had a boyfriend from home who was at the same uni, in a different halls. Nice bloke, but he had a voice like the love child of Joe Pasquale and Mickey Mouse on helium. 3-4 of us were piled into the room next door to hers one night watching a film, and the layout was such that the bed in the room we were in, which we were all sat on, was up against the wall, and then her bed was against the same wall on the other side.

We became aware that the wall appeared to be rocking.... this was then accompanied by a loud, rhythmic banging, an awful lot of high pitched squealing and then mercifully an ending was reached..... EXCEPT we could then hear that he got out one of those tiny children's keyboards, and proceeded to SING HER A POST COITAL NURSERY RHYME IN HIS OLIVE OYLE VOICE. I have never laughed so hard in my life. It was made worse by the fact that we didn't want them to hear us all dying laughing. I can't hear 'Rock a bye baby' now without getting hysterical.....

DH trying to put £1 in the meter in a holiday cottage. It was in a cupboard. He dropped the £1, scrabbled for it, got his hand caught in a mousetrap, yelled and emerged from cupboard, hitting his head on the telephone table and knocking it off the wall.

I swear I almost died laughing.

I was messaging a colleague about my DD who was in A&E with suspected appendicitis. I told her she was nil by mouth. She was telling another colleague who exclaimed "OMG can she not talk?" Still makes me chuckle!
(DD was fine btw)

Bavmorda - a similar thing happen to my step mother, although she was the one whose age was guessed wrong!

(background info: my step mum is 13 years younger than my dad and is/was very accomplished in her career for her age working generally alongside people in their late 40s/50s)

She announced to the office in general conversation that her "son's" (actually step son) wife was pregnant so she was going to be such a young grandma and someone exclaimed "Ooh no, it's lovely for you to be a grandparent in your 40s"

She was 32.

She always tells the story as her most embarrassing moment. It's not mine but it's absolutely my favourite embarrassing story.

These are amazing btw anyone interested in more of the funny funeral stories, there's a whole thread of them in classics!

DF played golf. When using something similar shape to a golf club he'd take a few swings at an imaginary ball, and follow the imaginary ball, shading his eyes against the sun, down the fairway.
One tine he'd been brushing leaves outside and was doing this. He shaded his eyes... And watched as the brush head sailed over the 12foot hedge into next door.
That was funny enough, but his expression as his eyes travelled down to the end of the empty brush handle totally finished me off

I attended a wedding - the minister (it was in a Methodist church) looked like a gameshow host with his shiny suit and sparkling white teeth.
Throughout the service he referred to 'Darren, (dramatic pause) and Karen', the bride and groom. The first few times, we didn't appreciate the rhyme, but the way he was saying it, with the pause, accentuated it to the point where a good proportion of the congregation were giggling despite his solemnity.
It was actually embarrassing but also funny at the same time. (Especially as the bride's father continued the Darren and Karen rhyme during his speech which was inexplicably about bananas - I still don't get it)!

This evening I went to Sainsburys to buy some tampons amongst other things and went to pay at self scan. At the point I picked the Lilets super plus value pack of 32 tampons out of my trolley the box exploded all over the floor. There were tampons rolling all over the place ...and then the nice young twenty something male shop assistant helped me retrieve them all and slot them back in the packet.

I was in ikea last year, and I was in a particularly good mood. While DP sorted out DD, I went to grab the trolley. You know that thing you do when you're a kid where you run with the trolley, push yourself up on to the handle and glide for a bit? It doesn't work as well when you're an adult. The entire read end of the trolley goes up, I fall to the floor with the most tremendous crash ever. The contents of my handbag go flying. I'm on the concrete floor of the car park on my hands and knees, pissing myself laughing. DP turns around to see me on the floor, surrounded by handbag detritus. Then the lift doors begin to open, and a packed lift get to see me, my millions of receipts/soft mints/lipsticks/nappies, and an upturned trolley.