To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

Her mum had just died, her dad regretted his decision later on. An apology is due.

Thanks, Pissed - just seen that.

Clan, I do know what you mean in fact and I explained this very badly on here and as I said to the above poster in a PM, it's still a bit of a touchy issue for me, and I was being unreasonable on this thread!

The problem wasn't the house as such, it was that my childhood vanished in the blink of an eye. To this day I have nothing from before the age of about 24/25 (when I bought my first house) - no beloved old toys, no old school tie, no baby clothes, no books or things I'd grown up with. Basically, my dad had established a new life for himself (and the message I received at the time was very much that it wasn't one he wanted me to be part of!) before I'd even quite got my head around the fact my mother had died.

Really, what I was expressing in that post was how abruptly and dramatically life changed. January 1997 I was a normal school kid worrying about GCSEs. By Easter that year my mother was dead, by the summer my dad had 'gone abroad' and was slowly around less and less around the two years I sat my A levels (he retired when I finished Year 12 and throughout Year 13 slowly disappeared!) and then sold the house. The house selling was really like the final rejection of the family he'd had with us, with my mum. Probably makes no sense.

It was a strange time as well as my friends parents were filled with love and pride and sentimentality and promises to visit and email and text and mine was more like 'don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out!'

My dad wasn't horrible, but he was so deep in his own grief I don't think he stopped for a moment to consider how things looked to me. So I do really feel for young adults in a similar situation. Your world is changing so rapidly that you do need something to hang onto. I accept however I'm massively projecting and I think I conceded to as much :)

I will never understand why some children believe that their parents owe them something even if the children have or will soon have a life of their own.

what? so once a child is nearing an age where they could move out, they no longer have the right to expect to have a home?
for serious?

what? so once a child is nearing an age where they could move out, they no longer have the right to expect to have a home?
for serious?

The Op hasn't made any mention of kicking them out. They just may not have the home of their choosing for a while.

What she should not do is buy a house that she knows is all wrong for her just because her teenage children prefer the bedroom sizes.

It's really harsh but the days of always having the family home to return to if it goes pear shaped I suspect are long gone. I'd have to help mine by paying their first month rent or something if they found themselves homeless after they've moved out because I won't be keeping spare bedrooms on the off chance

The Op hasn't made any mention of kicking them out. They just may not have the home of their choosing for a while

not being kicked out doesn't = being able to feel at home

seems from this thread that teens should be grateful to be temporarily accommodated and are spoilt if they are upset about being made to feel like they aren't a part of the household any more, just someone who sleeps there for now

Your house your deal. Go for the one that will last you forever. If you must compromise pay for their driving test and get them a car to share.

House 1. I would be living on my nerves with the constant moaning that would ensue with the other! Be warned however that new builds are a long term investment, and rarely hold their value particularly well. Our previous two homes were new builds (one down South, the other in Edinburgh) and in both cases we sold at a considerable loss (sad). Fine if you're going to be there 10 years + though.

Your boys will be moving out soon. Which house do you love?

I'd keep looking. House 1 sounds like a potential flood risk and House 2 may be difficult for you when you're older and cut off from facilities and shops etc.

Neither sound ideal, the compromises for you all are too great.

I'd go back to the drawing board and start the search again, having st down with your sons and discussed needs for them/long term needs for you.

I personally would hate to make my kids live somewhere they hated.

I would definitely choose the house you love. I wouldn't buy a newbuild full stop.

19 year old can drive and you have offered to buy him a car - I think that is more than reasonable. As he works, if he really doesn't want to live there he can maybe move in with his girlfriend - he obviously isn't going to live at home forever

Also, 17 year old may not be home as much as you think. Some of my friends DC at uni rarely come home because they have jobs in their uni towns and they just sofa surf in the holidays if they don't have halls available. There is a bus service anyway, and again, he could learn to drive. It's all very fixable.

As someone who grew up in the middle of nowhere and now has young DC in a small town, I'd still say buy House 2.
Frankly, an hourly bus service is pretty good for a rural area, and as you're going to help them with cars/driving lessons etc I'd say they'd be fine.
Tbh, I think they'll have the hardest time adjusting to a smaller home, and that would be the case anywhere. You may need to have a grown-up discussion with them about your (and so their) changed circumstances, and what you expect of them re their independence as they mature.

I'd say the eldest should have the single room, as they're going to be spending the least time there.
Your 17yo needs the most concessions as they're going to be most affected.

In years to come you'll appreciate having the home you wanted while they will have moved on and come back to visit a happy mother in a home she enjoys.
As long as you discuss it and all understand the reasons behind the choices it'll be ok.

Could you extend House 2? If you put in a double bed and another bathroom, suddenly it's a whole new proposition. Or at least plan to do it?