To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

[longestlurkerever]

My aunt was in a similar position. She went with the kids'choice but now they've both moved out and she hates it and is moving again. Mind you one reason she hates it is the feeling of being cut off - they wanted closer to the city rather than in small seaside town but she'd have been happier with somewhere with places to stroll to, rather than an unreliable bus from a new build estate which has very little in the way of amenities but is technically closer to the city.

[panegyricS1]

I wouldn't buy something that my kids really didn't like.

[PNGirl]

New builds don't necessarily drop in value if you can negotiate a good deal (which they will for the first few of the first phase). We paid £18k less than our neighbour, who bought the house they'd used as the site office a year after we did. It's now worth 30k more than we paid in 2014 (South West) and you get the 10 year guarantee.

I'd always go for size and location being near to things over views/garden (needs maintenance). If your son goes to uni he will be back for nearly 6 months of the year due to holidays and you will end up as a taxi.

[dewdrop68]

Thanks for all your comments so far. I really want the boys to live with me as long as they want, i love their company. But I know they're not going to be around forever. I could buy the new house, but it is near a flood area. But it's so close to everything that our

[Backingvocals]

Neither is right for you. I'd rent until a better option comes up.

[OTheHugeManatee]

Buy house 2. They're near leaving home anyway, and you need to think of your future. They will grumble but it will also motivate them to think about their future and where they want to live

[squoosh]

House 1 is near a flood area?

Strike it off the list immediately in that case!

[OTheHugeManatee]

And as a PP has said, they can get mopeds to get about.

[Pisssssedofff]

Don't kids stay until they are about 30 these days ? My uncle certainly did, brothers too actually

[dewdrop68]

Oops. The new house is being built on has never flooded though. The country house is on an hourly bus route. Older son can drive and I've offered to buy him a car. The bedrooms are tiny, third bedroom is a single....we're leaving s huge house with three bathrooms and an ensuite.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

They'll be living at home for the next few years, inbetween uni for DS2 obviously, so I wouldn't buy anywhere away from public transport links.

Keep looking?

[harderandharder2breathe]

If you pick house 2 you need to be prepared to drive your sons around. And support them learning to drive and buying a car.

[squoosh]

Don't kids stay until they are about 30 these days ?

Even more reason to buy the house they're not keen on.

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

I think yabu sorry.

I'm still upset by my dad buying a horrible house and insisting it didn't matter as I was off to university. The message I got was that he didn't want me in it.

[longestlurkerever]

That's plenty big enough. I'd only take on board their location gripes, not size of bedroom gripes, unless they're contributing funds. On the one hand if you want them to live with you, factoring in their wishes is wise. On the other hand I think my aunt resents the fact she chose the house for her boys and then they lived there for barely any time - but equally her sons would have resented any guilt tripping about spreading their wings and establishing their own lives.

I think you need to buy the house for you, and make it clear that they can stay or leave, but if deep down one of the criteria in a house "for you" is that the boys are happy to call it home and to visit regularly at the very least then perhaps the country one is not your perfect home either?

It does seem odd to buy an "investment home" (ie the new build where you'll have to live on a building site until it comes into its own) in your circs though as your needs will all have changed by the time it reaches fruition

[Pisssssedofff]

Well he didn't Kate lol

[OhNoNotMyBaby]

House 1 - I nearly bought a house that my children didn't really like but then I found one centrally situated that meant I didn't have to drive them around. It wasn't nearly as nice but actually I love it now because it's perfect for all of us. (even though it's really ugly..)

[defineme]

You are compromising with the car and there is a bus.i imagine you will give them the odd lift. I would live next to my friend.

[babyiwantabump]

I'd go with house 2 . They are not going to be there much longer and house moves are not cheap! So buying to suit them when they are not even going to be there would be silly in my eyes .
Buy for you .
It's not selfish .
It will be your forever home and you need to buy where you will love as you will be spending so much time on your own there without them .

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

Yep, and it wrecked our relationship for the next decade but glad you find it funny :)

[RNBrie]

I think you should buy the house that suits you. Especially if you're willing to buy the 19 year old a car and thrown in some lessons for 17 year old?

Sit them down and explain how you feel, tell them you want them to live with you as long as they like but even they have to realise that they'll want their own places eventually.

My parents up and relocated 250 miles away at the same time I left for uni. I never took it that they didn't want me to live with them and I'm glad they did what was best for them, parents have lives too!!

[2largeglasses]

House 2. Or a third option. Not a new build with flood potential.

[DerelictMyBalls]

One bus an hour sounds utterly miserable. There must be a third option.

[NotJanine]

I'm in a similar position, trying to decide on a location for me and 2 DS (bit younger than yours). I would like rural, but town would be more convenient for them.
I haven't made a final decision yet, but town is looking more likely - otherwise I will spend too much time ferrying them about. But I want a house with a nice outlook so it doesn't feel too 'towny'

[Socksey]

If they were little boys then I might be more inclined to consider their needs, however within a year or two they will both be out of the house and you'll likely be on your own most of the time so your needs trump theirs. ... if they don't like it they have he solution of getting jobs and living where they want.