To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

[awesomeness]

to be fair, they should be standing on their own two feet soon, if they don't like it tough they can get a job and move out to somewhere that suits them

I don't believe in supporting kids once their old enough to work, and don't think you should be paying for driving lessons etc

go with house two, it's your life and your money, and if it was me, I'd regret it because once they've gone you'll be there with a lovely new build but harder to sell, you clearly don't prefer it to number 2 and you need your life too, it's close to your friend and they need to learn they can't have everything their own way to suit them all the time

[Marysunshine]

New build homes today are so cost effective to run and have no maintenance - if that is a consideration. Would house 2 still be attractive if your friend moved away? What if boys get married and have children - will there be enough room to visit in house 2. I'd take house 1, then move again in a few years if necessary to keep my family content for the short time they will be with me - or I'd look for a house that can meet all needs at once.
However - if house 2 is your dream home, you might have to 'go for it'.

[hanbee]

My parents bought a rural house when I was 17, 4 buses a day (20 minute walk to the bus stop) and 1 hour drive to where I was doing my A levels. I couldn't drive as was still learning. It used to take about 2 hours to get to college each day.

Frankly it was a nightmare for me, particularly socially, and I still think they were very selfish. I went home as little as possible, didn't do as well as expected in my A levels and never went home if I could help it once I started Uni.

[Kittycatkin]

Much better investment to be closer to town. You will see more of your sons, teenagers rarely want to be in the countryside.

[amidawish]

i'd hold out in the house you are in for as long as possible
neither house is right for you life right now
just wait a little while longer...

ps i've never known a new build development not to have problems. Even my sister's £1.1m newbuild - garden drainage, minor (but still very annoying!) plumbing issues, i would avoid avoid avoid!!

[Lindsxxx]

Buy house two and rent it out for a couple of years and live somewhere accessible for your kids

OR

put your kids through their driving tests and encourage them to get jobs to run a car :-D

[Pritchyx]

I rent at the moment, and I now live in the country... Im from Birmingham originally and lived in very busy areas in Birmingham... However now live in Warwickshire in the countryside... I can give you pros and cons.
Pros - neighbours are usually friendly and the areas are very quiet.
Cons - secondary schools/colleges are miles away, little to no public transport meaning you have to drive, very little amenities (usually a little convenience shop and maybe a pub), friends/family will very rarely visit due to being "too far"...

My family live 12.5mile away... I visit them once a week - my mum has visited 3 times in 3 years, my dad about 5/6 in the same time.

If it was me, I'd look for something relatively closer to town and transport links for your children and maybe further down the line when they're a lot older and flown the nest, to then think about going more rural. I'm 22 and cannot afford to be moving, wish I hadn't moved in the first place!

[Boiing]

Doesn't it depend a lot if you have an affordable car? If you don't, house 2 is unworkable. If you do, buy house 2 but promise to pick up 17 yr old from station when going / coming to uni or friends, and come to some kind of deal with 19 yr old: if house 2 makes it physically impossible for him to get to work then you need to either give him lifts to nearest transport or help him find his feet some other way. Personally I would do house 2 (I loathe new builds) but as others have said village life is not for everyone. I'm in a village but do loads of driving every day, which I'm happy with.

[GhostBustersFavouriteMum]

YANBU to buy a house you like. However my DP's moved house when I was 18 to a house I hated. I moved out even though my Uni was commutable and have never lived at home since. So as I said YANBU, however be prepared for them to leave home for good immediately

[missm0use]

As a wedding planner I used always remind my brides that "those that pay get a say"!!
Same goes with houses!! If your sons are going to be contributing to house by paying some digs money then yes you should listen to their requests regarding which option you go for. If their not contributing then go for the option that suits you!!! Both your sons are soon to be heading off to start their own lives at uni so why should you settle for a house that suits them when they could both have moved out within a year!

[Birdsgottafly]

How would you manage if you couldn't drive, because of ill health?

I can't drive because of the meds I'm on, until November and I've had two friends go through Cancer treatment and unable to drive for at least a year.

As said, if there's resentment from your DSs, as you age and if you couldn't drive, would you cope with the isolation?

[WiddlinDiddlin]

Wouldn't touch house 1, new build on a flood plain - as others have said, that place has never flooded because it has never had a housing estate built on it - as soon as it has, it will and then you won't be able to sell it.

so in 5 years or 10 years time when the kids are long gone living their own lives, you are stuck with a house that floods yearly on an estate where maybe 50% of hte houses there flood yearly, can't be insured and everyone wants out and no one in their right mind will buy...

So no way to house 1.

House two - consider it, but I do agree with those saying that in 10 or 15 years time or however long.. will you want to be that isolated?

My dad is in his mid 70s and lives in a rural location, one shop, miles from anything if the shop or the pubs are closed, he has to drive to either the shop or the pub and if he wants company he has to go to the pub every night because his house isnt really on the way to anywhere.

He does still like it, the space, the not having near neighbours (well not since the nearest ones burnt their house down anyway)... but its not going to be long now before he can't live there I think.

Whatever you do - buy the house for YOU, not the kids - if its somewhere more remote then teach them to drive, help get a car or indeed, help them set up on their own, but don't buy a house for teenagers who will be leaving soon, that way, madness lies!

[KickAssAngel]

When DSis and I were those ages and for several years, our parents found that either it was just them at home, or we'd come back with boy/friend(s) as well. One time I came home from an evening at the pub and there was a note by the front door, "all the beds taken, there's a sleeping bag in the lounge."

Do you want your kids to be bringing their friends back, and your house being the hub of their social life, or do you want a series of late night texts (if you're lucky) saying that they're staying out overnight?

By the time I was growing out of that stage, DSis was getting married, so needed a double room to come and visit, then I got married, then kids happened ...

If you want your kids in your life and to share your house with them as they get into adulthood, you want to make them feel wanted and welcome.

[happybee1]

Buy the one YOU want. I moved a few years ago and let my teen choose the house. My own silly mistake but under extreme circumstances. I hate the house I am in and my DC will go to uni soon and I am stuck here. I still think about the houses that I could have bought, this house has been nothing but trouble. Please don't end up like me, good luck.

[SabineUndine]

I would go for house two. A bus an hour is perfectly workable- your sons will just have to be organised. Can they cycle until you get a car/driving lessons sorted?

[Italiangreyhound]

dewdrop68 sorry not read all the comments.

I'd say it really depends if you like having your sons living with you and how long you want them to do so. If you do like it and want it to continue for a while yet I would buy the house that they will most want to stay in.

If not, then go for house 2.

How about taking a big loan out and buying house 2 and house 1, rent out house 2 until your boys leave home! OK that was bit of a joke.

Do whatever is right for you but be aware your boys may move out sooner if the home is in a bad location for them.

(And as your best friend lives there you could visit the house 2 area and see her quite a bit!)

[Oliversmumsarmy]

I would say neither is the right house.

House 1 is close to water with a small garden which brings with it a whole host of problems when you come to sell. If it is a family home then people expect a family sized garden.

House 2 is too far out and too small. Friend and her dh bought their dream rural home 4 years ago. Ds has to be ferried everywhere and will continue to have to be ferried everywhere for at least another 2 years. Dh works long hours and leaves first thing in the morning to get to work and doesn't return until at least 8pm. Depending on the trains. Between her and her dh they are spending the equivalent of a huge mortgage each month on transportation. Don't get her started on when she forgets something from the supermarket. There is a shop about 4 miles away but it is a PITA having to get in the car and drive and park sometimes just as she is about to start
cooking.

Recently she has been ill so can't drive and so ds hasn't seen anyone since school broke up and she is reliant on the tesco delivery and dh to keep the house going. She loves the house but it just is not practical. Even when ds moves out the impracticality of the location means they are planning on moving when she gets better.

[cexuwaleozbu]

I think you need to wait for house 3.

I wouldn't buy a new build with flood risk.

Much as I love my best friend I wouldn't buy the house next door - it would put an unreasonable pressure on the relationship. I also wouldn't buy in the countryside (though an hourly bus is a lot better than some I suspect the last bus is 9 or 10pm making it not that useful for a teen or young adult. I wouldn't want to be pushing sons into being reliant on cars - the reason car insurance is over £2000 per year is because it is actually pretty probable that they will have an accident.

Look around the area where the bus from house 2 arrives at the edge of town and starts intersecting with other public transport options/other bus routes/good cycling routes. It will be nice, in 20 years time when your boys have their own families and maybe for health or eyesight reasons you may not want to drive so much, to have an easy bus ride between your house and your best friend.

[Clandestino]

I think yabu sorry .I'm still upset by my dad buying a horrible house and insisting it didn't matter as I was off to university. The message I got was that he didn't want me in it.

Seriously? You sound like a spoilt brat. I wouldn't mind if my mother bought herself an igloo if she wanted to. It's her choice, her house, I'm grown-up and have my own house which I bought because I like it not because my family does.
I will never understand why some children believe that their parents owe them something even if the children have or will soon have a life of their own.
Of course it didn't matter . You're off to the university, your parents won't see you that often, you'll move out so why should they buy a house which suits YOU if it's them who will be living in it. I don't get the logic, sorry.

[Janecc]

Would you love the house if your bestie didn't live so close?

If so, and it is your dream home, buy it.

With the proceeds of the sale of your marital home, buy them both cars and consider building a summer house with an ensuite bathroom. The son, who lives permanently with you has the choice of bed 2 or summer house and the box room becomes the office or you could make that room into a compact ensuite and dressing room/office. Much cheaper than a 2 storey extension. Or convert part of the garage if there is one.

[Marysunshine]

Just for balance - I was born and brought up in a large city, have worked and lived in a large town and have lived in 3 different rural villages in different counties. The town/country thing really depends what stage you are at in life.
I've lived in a 17th century cottage, a 1930's house, a 70's semi, several flats and two different new builds. Same thing applies - what suits you at one time in life, won't necessarily suit you in another.
Currently I live in a new-build on a small development that has some style - absolutely love it. Problem free, large garden, lots of windows, all mod cons, no maintenance costs, no damp and exceptionally warm. It may not double in value in the short term but not all old properties do either. Some old properties can turn out to be money pits.
So it really does depend on your needs at the moment - and what is in the best interests of your family as you see it.
Hope you make the right choice for you and yours.

[LyndaNotLinda]

House 1. You are stating a newly single life and will, I imagine, want to establish new friendships and a social life. Living in the middle of nowhere is not going to help that.

Also, while your sons are nearly grown, they must be affected by your divorce. Moving to a house where there isn't room for them and which is difficult to get to and from seems unkind in those circumstances.

[newname99]

How old are you? The move post divorce is important and you need to factor how you will feel on 3years.

Our neighbour recently couldn't drive and despite not living in the countryside she soon realised the impact of poor public transport.

Maintenance and running costs are also a factor.Not sure either house is right as you don't love them.

[GreaseIsNotTheWord]

Mine are still small so maybe i'd change my mind in future. But when I picture the future and the dc grown up - in Uni or living on their own - I think of us living in a house that they still count as 'home'. That they feel comfortable and happy returning to, whether it's to stay for weeks or just for Sunday lunch.

I wouldn't give nearly adult children a huge input into a new house - but I wouldn't buy one they hated.

[GreaseIsNotTheWord]

I think yabu sorry .I'm still upset by my dad buying a horrible house and insisting it didn't matter as I was off to university. The message I got was that he didn't want me in it

Seriously? You sound like a spoilt brat

Yes, she does. But I know what she means. I moved out of home at 18, when dh and I got our first flat together. Eleven years ago now.

My mums house is three bed and I have two younger sisters - they used to share a room, I had my own. I moved all my stuff out on the Saturday morning. By the Sunday night, my mum had stripped and painted my room and my middle sister was already moved in - no trace of me.

It hurt at the time and if I think about it, still does now (I don't dwell on this, i'm 'over' it, but when I pull the memory up). Rationally, yes, i'd moved out and I didn't expect it to be kept as a shrine to me. But my room was gone and in use within 2 days - which sent me a pretty clear message that I was 'out' permanently, which did hurt. She could have given it a few weeks at least.