To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

[RepentAtLeisure]

If they stay till they're 30 they will have to learn to drive!

You don't mention a partner. Is it just you and your sons? If so, perhaps you could take the tiny bedroom for a couple of years until the first one moves out?

[FinnFamilyMoomintroll]

No no no to house 1 if there's any flood risk. Even if that piece of land has never flooded, floods are only going to get worse over the next few years and you don't want to end up with something uninsurable and unsellable. I'd run a mile.

[DotForShort]

Buy the house you love. Your sons are at an age that means they will likely be flying the coop soon anyway. As the elder one is already working, he could presumably move into a flat share or similar if he finds the location of the new house too remote. The younger boy is off to university soon so will only be living in the house for a few months a year (if that). But it will be your home for years to come.

[PerspicaciaTick]

What are your friend's plans? How would you feel about house 2 if your friend was no longer local. How would you cope if you weren't able to drive for a while? If your sons leave home sooner rather than later, you'll be living on your own. Which can be lovely, but you have to be prepared to be self-reliant and it is better to go into it having considered the worst case than end up feeling isolated.

[Clankboing]

Buy house 1 but decorate it and fill the garden from scratch just the way you want.

[Whinyleonard]

I'm 40 and abroad but I still hate that my parents moved to a shitty squitty village 2 years ago!

[CatNip2]

Think I would look for a third house. Nice to live close to a good friend, but can you be too close? Kids do need to be able to access their social life. None of us are getting any younger and with mine a wee bit older than yours and having elderly parents I am very conscious of what a great public transport route we live on with easy access to those things that older people need all the time, doctors, hospitals and shops!

[Botanicbaby]

house 2 - without hesitation. given the ages of your children, it sounds like you will be spending a lot of time in the house without them.

please, please do what is best for you, your sons are old enough to understand that your life cannot revolve around them. divorce is difficult enough, its time to put yourself first.

PS I left home at 17 so perhaps I am biased but whatever choice my mum made I would have went along with it as long as she was happy.

[MissMoo22]

I'd be more worried about living next door to a good friend. You might end up being 'too close for comfort' or end up with one of you being too dependent on the other or feeling obliged to do things/invite everywhere.

[EarthboundMisfit]

I think you should suit yourself!

[HighwayDragon1]

My parents did this to me, they bought house 2. It was awful, no friends near by, no shop even. They did buy me a car, but couldn't have a drink or go out on a night though.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

House 2. Buy your eldest a car, get your youngest riving lessons and in the meantime get a good taxi company to give you a deal.

Presumably they will be spending some time with their dad and at friends' houses?

If you feel guilty you could take the single room until one moves out.

[Soon2bC]

House 2! If you are left living alone in a house you didnt LOVE then you will have to cover the expense of relocating and you may never find what you really want.

If the DC's are contributing to the purchase of the house then they have a say, but if you have fallen for the house and think it could be a forever home then you will work out the logistics of getting them around and it will also help them to become more independent. You will get a car for the driver so YANBU

[pleasemothermay1]

He is 19 he most likely will be gone in 3-4 years do what you want

[2nds]

Go for the house in the country and encourage him to start learning to drive.

Basically go for the house you will be happiest in.

I've lived on two building sites in a row, this one has only just finished last week and we have lived here 2.5 years. Sick of it and will go for an older house next time.

[2nds]

Forget the being too close to a good friend thing because neighbours can often become good friends so that whole too close thing is absolute rubbish. Some of my best friends are people who I've lived beside.

[diddl]

House 2.

Youngest is moving out in a year & oldest can get himself mobile!

Will they spend much time with their father?

What's he buying?

[MissMargie]

Double check that house 2 isn't being seen through rose tinted spectacles.

Could your friend move in the next few years so teh point of the move is lost.

I don't think the DSs know best.
When my DCs went to uni they came home the first summer then never again (for any length of time). Maybe you can take the small room initially. Now my DDs are working they love to visit but have very limited holiday time.

If you are sure about House 2 move there or let it for a year.

[2nds]

Highway dragon a teen not being able to buy a drink is no reason to pass up on a house. Houses are a long term investment and a teen of legal drinking age can go away for weekends with pals.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

I would get 1, but fund/support your son to get a driving license

or, get neither and get somewhere that's got the best of both , and something WILL come up I promise you

also bear in mind that in this current economy, they might come back and not leave for sometime! Its still a family home

[britnay]

House 2! Hourly bus route will be fine provided it goes where and when he needs to be for work.

[Madbengalmum]

If you are going to be living in it for the long term then go with 2. Your kids will be flying the nest soon,they then get their opportunity to live where they want to live and can pay for it.

[Schwabischeweihnachtskanne]

Is this the house you want to live in for ever?

What if your friend moves or you fall out?

What if you become unable to drive through ill health?

How will you feel if your young adult sons visit a lot less due to the inconvenience of the second house?

Think with your head as well as your heart, and remember there are not only 2 houses on the market...

[ineedwine99]

Buy the one YOU want. I moved out of my parents at 17 so your's may not be far off doing that and you'll probably regret not buying the place you love that has a friend nearby