To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

You've offered to buy son a car but who will pay for the insurance? Both sons will become dependent on driving to see OP.

I'm a townie so wouldn't even want the country house, but I'm trying to pretend it was reverse, if my kids wanted country house which I was meh about... yeah, for sure I'd buy what I liked best for me. And suck up all the hassle that choice would bring to my life for next 4-6 yrs (in OP's case, having to be chaffeur, wondering where they are, how they will pay for insurance, etc).

An hourly bus sounds like luxury compared to many rural areas.
Go for the house you want.
Can they take turns with the tiny room?

As much as id love the house in the countryside near a good friend, I think id still go with the more amenities option.

Even though ds2 only needs a small room for when/if he comes home from uni on breaks, the house sounds quite a bit smaller over all. You can't underestimate the value of more than one bathroom with three adults in the house.

Also for me maintenance would be an issue, on my own, unless I was very practical I'd hate to be reliant on tradespeople to come out and carry out repairs and essential maintenance, a new house once the teething issues sorted will be much lower maintenance.

Definately the second house, you have one adult son and one will be an adult in a few months. If they were 14 and 16 then house one.

House 2 without a doubt , I had similar when divorcing and my DC moved to considerably smaller house although same area. It's not easy but as they are both of driving age and there is a bus service they will manage.

Good luck it's a hard time

House 1 - the area it is on has never flooded before because up to now, the land has acted like a sponge/soakaway and the water has had plenty of room to disperse. If that area is now being built on then the run-off from roads, paths, driveways and patios won't be able to soak into the ground any more and flash flooding will be much more likely. I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole (and frankly if the area does flood you will literally be able to do that!).

House 2 - how long would it take to walk to the nearest shop?

Both sons will become dependent on driving to see OP
And if they move somewhere else for work and she goes to house 1, they'll still have to drive to see her.
Someone mentioned them still living there aged 30 or her taking the smallest room in house 2.... seriously. ... if they are that old, they're old enough to have their own places and pay their own bills etc and if they don't want to then they live where suits the OP.
As parents we give up enough for our kids when they are little but there comes a time when their needs must take a slightly secondary importance. ...
There's a really good bus route.... where I grew up there was one a day, Monday to Friday. ... I managed at 17.... I also got a bike which I used for the 10miles into the closest town. Unless one of them has additional needs not mentioned by the OP then her needs need to take priority as this is a long term move and they will have left.

Hourly bus is fine. Tell them to buy a watch.

Don't touch that new build. As the estate grows the flood risk will rocket. Developers don't care and planning policy doesn't stop this. One flood and you are uninsurable and unsellable.

Would you be happy in house 1? House 2 sounds good on paper, but would it really suit your post divorce life, or would it be quite isolating for you?

Have you checked the cost of car insurance for your son? It may be prohibitively expensive. Can he get to work without a car?

Where we live is closer to your House 2 scenario. We spend quite a bit of time ferrying 18 & 15 year old DSs about at the moment.

With that in mind, I'd feel drawn to House 1.

An hourly bus is only fine if it takes a fairly direct route to a nearby town. We have a bus which takes a rural route from our stop to the local town. It turns a 15 minute drive into an 1.5 hour meander. Which is fine, until you need to be in town for 8:30am and have to catch the first (6:15am) bus to get there on time --and there is no bus home as the last one leaves at 4:45pm.

How would house 2 work from a practical point of view?

What times do the buses stop, what if the kids want to take a job that starts before the busses start in the morning? what happens if the kids want to work or socialise or do a hobby in the evening? how much are taxis back from civilisation? would you be willing to collect from train station? would you be willing to help them get driving?

When I was a teen I lived somewhere with hourly buses, I couldn't take most jobs in town because they didn't get me to town in time in the morning, and stopped at 6 so no evening jobs. I took driving lessons but didn't manage to pass when still at home. managed to find a job near the house but it was awful.

I also think that it is very important that teens feel that their home is their home

and not somewhere that they are allowed to be for now with a countdown to them leaving IYKWIM. You said that you like them being around, but will they really feel that way if your house choice is only really suitable for you?

I would absolutely never buy a house near a flood plain/at risk of flooding.

I would totally buy house 2, because it sounds wonderful, it's the one that I wanted, and because I'd be prepared to be a lift service to the 2 boys.

Maybe time to put you first.

Buy the house you prefer.

We have great transport links here but all the parents of teens I know are still bloody chauffeurs anyway
Despite this. 'Can I have a lift and can I have some money' stock teenage phrases.

Would it be putting the OP first though?

If she commits to doing drop offs and pick ups for the DS who works?
Hourly bus routes don't tend to run early or late enough for real workers in my experience.

People don't realise just how much time you spend in your CAR when go live rurally. There's no toddles up to the shop etc, every little thing involves a drive. And if the OP commits to helping out the DSs get from A-B she might not be enjoying her new garden and views quite as much as she's staring through her windscreen!

That said I wouldn't touch the flood plane one with a bargepoll either. Is the house market very static where you are OP? Can you hang about and see what else there is?

Well based on your update, it's a no-brainer. I hope you're off putting an offer in on house 2. Your sons will manage fine with small rroms. They can have bigger rooms when they buy their own houses.

We have great transport links here but all the parents of teens I know are still bloody chauffeurs anyway

Thats true but if you're central-ish then sometimes the teens friends parents will drop them back or pick them up. If you're way out though it'll always be you!

She's offered to buy the working son a car.

Whatever, she shouldn't buy a new build next to a flood plain. Well I wouldn't, anyway. But if I was her I would be buying house 2 - it sounds lovely.

We live in a village with no bus service at all - DS walks (10-15 mins) to the main Rd by the next village to catch his school bus. It's good for him So one per hour isn't that much of a hardship.

Buy the house you want. If 19 year old wants to live near public transport then he knows what to do. 17 year old will be away for most of the year and he may stop coming home in the holidays anyway- many people I know worked at uni so stayed there most of the time

Number 2, especially if you can stay in your current home a little longer

What's the situation with their dad like? I only ask as my friends ex has done similar. Always wanted a house at a remote place a good 150 miles from where they were. She purchased it based on her two children being at uni and they wouldn't mind the holidays there. In reality they spend very little time with their mum now and stay at their dads most of summer and Christmas in a two bed house with one of them sleeping on a sofa as they dislike being so remote.
Mums now really upset about it and thinks their dad should encourage them to go "home" which he says is up to them.

I used to live in the country. An hourly bus route can soon turn into just two buses a day or two a week depending on the amount of passengers long term. I don't think either house is ideal and what if your friend moves?

House two and a shared car.
They will be gone in only a few years, you can live near your friend forever.