To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

Your reaction to your dad's house purchase is a tad egocentric and dramatic katemiddletonsnudeheels !

I can see your reaction being justified if he up sticks and moved half way round the world, or got a 1 bed flat with a sofa bed for you... but as long as the house was in a reasonably close location to your friends.family and had a bedroom for you... wow.

You would deny your dad's long term happiness over you not liking a house you were only going to be a full time resident in for 1 more year? Not a great attitude.

My mum tells a story that one of her friends from uni went home at Christmas to find strangers in the house... her parents had moved and hadn't told her!!! The neighbors gave her their new address. Got there and they were like "well we thought you'd moved out and gone to uni". Now that would spoil a relationship somewhat.

I'm sorry but in this situation I would be thinking of you. Your boys are not going to be at home with you forever, one is an adult and the other almost. Unless it will affect their physical or mental health then you get to decide fully, you are the one paying the mortgage etc.

Thank you for your replies so far. 19 year old son can drive and I've offered to buy him a car. I love their company and want them with me as long as they want to be. There's an hourly bus service. One option is to buy it and rent it out for a year until the younger one is at uni and we stay in our house which hasn't sold yet. I am a cash buyer.
The problem is the bedrooms, the third one in the country house is a tiny single. The boys are huge men! The new build has large bedrooms and two en suites. So you can see why they want it!

Christ Katemy dad didn't talk to me for 10 years and changed the locks because I came home to use the washing machine without his permission so yeah I do find that quite funny tbh

DD 15 hated the house we moved into and had loved another one we saw (that sale fell through). She was so disappointed. However I don't want to move again and she, even at 15, gets the difference between our forever home and the hers for the next 5 years (or 10). The house is lovely and not remote but she needs 3 buses to get some places (more because of bus routes than actual distance).

We will get her a car when we can and until then I do play taxi. However I live in the house I love now, both dh and I are happier than we have ever been in a home and I would not change it.

OP, show your sons this thread, they can cope with it. It's honesty. Young people love that. Life is a learning curve. Best wishes.

Whois, it probably does sound dramatic if you consider the bones of it being 'he bought a house I didn't like and with that I refused to ever go in it again!' but it really wasn't like that.

However, it was within a wider context of him deciding I was surplus to his life at that time really. I didn't actually mind what he bought or where. The point was, I wasn't welcome in it! He made it very clear when he sold our family home that my childhood was over and I was expected to move on with my life now.

Now, I can understand OP thinking on the surface that her boys are nearly adults but my brother and I were 19 and 17 when my dad did the same thing and after you've been through a divorce as a child (or a death in our case) you want something familiar around you. Not necessarily the home but the feeling of being wanted, and it's that I'd worry about being compromised in OPs case. Not sure I've explained that very well.

I think that you should go for the new build. Having lived somewhere with terrible public transport, no local shops etc I wouldnt inflict that on someone who really didnt embrace it.

You want them to stay at home as long as possible, then you need to make them want to stay as long as possible. House 2 will pretty much guarantee them moving out asap.

Read more of the thread now - I wouldn't go for House 1. Find/wait for a 3rd option

House 2 if:

1. You drive
2. You're prepared to get them through their test and buy cheap moped/car for them

You have to move for YOU and not people who realistically won't be living with you in 2/5 years time.

as Backingvocals said, neither house seem right otherwise you would know the 'right home' for you. Both have negatives.

Also, how does your friend feel about you living next door? Personally I wouldn't like to live next to family or friends.

Keep looking and the right place for all of you will pop up!

Go with what works for your sons. They need a stable home that they can return to for at least 10 years - even if they are not living there full time. You need somewhere that makes you happy and will see them through all the major milestones of the next decade - exam highs and lows, bringing new partners home, job worries, finding out who they are going to be. I agree with pp that you haven't found the the right house yet

Whichever is your choice is the house you should go for.
It is your future, not your sons.

About five years ago I didn't buy a house because my DD didn't like it and in some ways I still regret it - high on a cliff overlooking the sea - DD left home soon afterwards anyway.

After buying another house and wanting to move after 3 years I found the house I'm in now - new build - that I absolutely love and although I would have loved living overlooking the sea I'm pleased I didn't buy the house on the cliff.

Perhaps neither house is right for you and you DS.

Do new builds lose their value? Never heard that. I own one (let out) that I bought thirteen years ago and its value has increased enormously, in fact ridiculously.

Where I live now - been here just over a year - there are plenty of houses selling for far more than the owners paid.

Kate that puts a different slant on it. Bereavement, feeling surplus to requirements - not nice.

The repercussions similar actions can be very different depending on context.

Hopefully the OP is doing all she can to make her DS feel happy and welcome, whilst trying to get them to understand that they probably won't be with her forever

Do new builds lose their value? Never heard that. I own one (let out) that I bought thirteen years ago and its value has increased enormously, in fact ridiculously.

They have an immediate drop as they are no longer 'new'.

But when house prices are rising, obviously the price will rise over time. Not sure we can be so sure of ongoing price rises for ever now tho.

At their ages I would buy a home for you not your sons when I was 13 my parents moved to a old farmhouse in the middle of nowhere it's a mile walk along an unlit country road to the nearest main road and little corner shop a 3 1/2 mile walk to and from school everyday at 13 I hated it because I felt very isolated mum couldn't drive at the time and dad worked very long hours I spent most of my teen years in my bedroom because my friends didn't visit after school and I had to be in before dark. Almost 30 years later they still live there and love their house I don't begrudge them buying their dream home although it had a huge negative impact on my childhood.
Are you in a position to help your eldest to buy a car so he can get around and help your youngest learn to drive?

House 2. There's a bus route there, its not like theyre having to walk miles and miles! As far as space goes I'd have the child who's.likely to be leaving/not there as much in the small room and the other gets the big room.....but have a storage area in the bigger Roo. For whoever gets the small room. You could have a small wardrobe/chest of drawers in their room so they they don't have to go in the other room all the time.but keep the bulk in the big room. At their ages there's no way I'd choose.the other house. I'm biased though as I'm not a fan of new builds and have friends who've had issue after issue with them x

Go with what YOU want.
Ds will be off to university in a year and I'm buying a house in a city he doesn't want to live in.
Tough.
I do.

House 2 without doubt. Sounds like you love it.

I totally understand that whois

However, in my case, it isn't exactly the same but there are parallels.

Our mother had died and I now understand my dad was in a daze of grief and sold our family home. It was a very unique house, built in 1701 and completely surrounded by woods and fields. There were so many memories there, good and bad, and honestly losing it felt a bit like a bereavement all over again. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but even now I occasionally drive by where it is (some of my friends still live nearby) and I get washed away with memories.

But anyway, I totally understand why my dad felt he had to move. But the house he chose was tiny - really more of a 'bachelor pad' and in no way suited to two teenagers living in it but he just kept saying 'but you won't be here!'

Now, with hindsight, I understand he was trying to encourage us to move on and move forwards, but it felt like a rejection, and unfortunately it was as it soon transpired he'd met another woman and didn't really intend to live in the house at all! Then he sold it anyway. I still remember getting stopped by the police on a random spot check when I was driving and they wanted my address and I didn't have one to give them as that house was sold and I was sofa surfing. Pretty shit!

The thing with OP is that I completely understand all her reasons but I think her sons may well assume that as she's chosen a house that inconveniences them, she doesn't want them there, especially if subsequently she gets a new partner. But I accept I'm projecting.

a bus an hour is fine. I lived in a village with a train an hour and about 2 buses a day. I survived and I actually loved it.

I still miss it now.

I think you have to do what is best for YOU, personally I would avoid a newbuild for the reasons others have mentioned, prices always drop, nearly always problems with construction somewhere etc. Also flood area? well even if that bit hasn't flooded before, putting a load of houses on it and removing natural drainage will probably mean it will do soon.

just to add - someone pointed out to me that being on my own I may be better suited to being in town as easier access to things to do for me too, not just the kids.

I think as long as everyone loves there, you need to go with the compromise. If they were both out of the home and back once a month or so for a visit that's different but I think house 2 sounds really unpractical for a young person. Also, in a few years time they might want to visit with their partners and own families - would it be large enough if it's got a tiny third bedroom? We've always gone for the less picturesque but 'all are welcome' houses.

Are you in a rush? Maybe there is a house 3 that is a better compromise for you?