To buy a house that teen sons hate?

[dewdrop68]

I'm post divorce and in the process of looking for somewhere to buy with my two sons, 17 and 19. The 19 year old works but doesn't have a car and relies on public transport. The 17 year old will go to uni next year. I'm stuck between buying two houses, house 1 is a new build, first phase, so we'll be living on a building site for two or three years, however, it's a good size, two ensuites, but has a tiny garden. Nice views onto the canal at the back though, close to train station, shops, short walk into town. House 2 is next door to my good friend, in the countryside, amazing views, lovely garden, sunny into the evening. However, it's quite small, away from transport, no shops. Sons hate it because it's too small amd they feel cut off. They will be leaving at home for the next few years and 17 year old will be back and forth from uni a lot. Should I listen to them or put myself first for once? Btw, house 2 houses rarely come up for sale .

[Jengnr]

Having helped with the clean up in Calderdale at Christmas I wouldn't touch anything anywhere near a flood plain.

I wouldn't live next door to my bezzer either.

I'd keep looking.

[maninawomansworld01]

Put yourself first. They will only be with you another year or two and to be honest even if they had a good long time left with you, a house purchase is far too big a thing to consult children on!

Buy the one you want

[MargaretCavendish]

Another 'neither' vote! Have you ever previously lived remotely? I grew up in the middle of nowhere, and I think a lot of people think they'll like isolation a lot more than they do! I have to say I hated it as a teenager, and my parents, looking back, were extraordinarily generous with lifts. They, incidentally, are currently trying to sell the house (and struggling to do so) because they've realised what an awful, isolated place to be old it will be.

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

It definitely isn't how some people imagine it.

I spend WAYY more time outdoors when living in urban settings because you can walk BETWEEN stuff, and to and from things.

In the countryside you walk when you go for a walk. The rest of the time it's house-car-house-car-house-car.

Both houses sound very hard to re-sell if they don't work out.

[whois]

I wouldn't live next door to my bezzer either.

I live a 5 min walk from my 'bestie' and I love it!

[Grausse]

Everything MargaretCavendish said.
Rural is over rated.
I have lived in a tiny village for 30 years. No shop, little public transport. Perfect wonderful house.
When DC were little it was perfect but from teenage years it's been difficult. We taxied them everywhere for years at all hours, as I think it's not their fault we chose to live here. Now they are now 18 and 20 and both drive I am looking ahead to when they have both left home and I want to live somewhere with amenities.
Friends can move on.

[amidawish]

anyway to do an extension on house2 ?

don't buy on a flood plain! is it insurable?

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

The other way that people come unstuck when they move outta town is they think everyone will visit their lovely garden for BBQs and stay in their lovely big spare rooms if they want to have a drink.

People don't. At least not enough to make up for all the "pop-ins" you get if you're in a handy location.

Some people like isolation and aren't very sociable, but the OP sounds like she likes company (likes having sons around and likes idea of moving near an existing friend).

[UnexpectedBaggage]

House 2 would be incredibly selfish.

[PurpleWithRed]

House 1 - you can sell up in 5 years and move wherever you want. If you MUST do house 2 invest some of your £ in cars/driving lessons for the kids.

FWIW I gave both my kids driving lessons at 17 and cars for their 18th with money saved from the house equity - fantastic investment, not just the general freedom and happiness for them but also the fact it reduced contact with XH for me.

[PurpleWithRed]

Oh, and giving the kids cars means they can ferry you round when you've been out for a drink!

[AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected]

house 1 might not sell easily either, it's still a building site, in 5 years she could be competing with brand new ones on same estate

and not all 17yr olds given driving lessons pass promptly (I didn't!)

[QueenArseClangers]

'Incredibly selfish' ??!!!!!

FFs, they're an adult and a soon to be one. They'll have a bedroom each (my teen lads have to share) and a car bought for them plus public transport and another home at their dad's (presumably).

OP's not telling them they have to shack up in a fucking Wendy House on Dartmoor!

Jesus Christ. Some of the replies on here are talking like the sons are helpless 4 year olds.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

We're all advising from our own perspective and experiences, so here's a list of thoughts and you can either consider them OP or strike them off your list. They just might help crystalize your thoughts.

You buy a house for the person who's paying and to suit the person or people who are there for the majority of the time. That said, if the two closest people in my life 'hated' my choice, I would look for a different option.

If I was going to be living there on my own, possibly, within say five years, I wouldn't want a house that was too big for one, or too time consuming and expensive to maintain. Stamp duty, legal and all moving costs are very expensive and so I would want to be sure that I was making the best possible choice and compromises were minor.

I wouldn't touch a house near land that flooded. I've been there before and so it's now a deal breaker.

Personally I do like life to be quiet and peaceful. I enjoy views and nature and don't mind being somewhat isolated or having to drive everywhere.
That said the downside of countryside life is poor services and amenities and can be dreadful broadband connections. It's very easy to see a rural idyll but the reality of poor transport links and so on, can give a very different experience.

New houses can rise well in value in a good market, but on the whole where there is a lot of building taking place they can suffer from the fact that there can be a lot of competition for sales at any one time in the future and it therefore becomes a buyers' market.

I have grown children who come back home to stay and I think the fact that they both have a comfortable and fairly equal sized bedroom and separate bathroom makes it more attractive to them. If it was possible, which obviously it isn't always, I wouldn't go for a two bed with a box room type house where one is in a double room and one in a small single.
There's the probability that it won't be long before they want to have a girlfriend staying over too, so I'd factor that in if you want them to always feel welcome to stay or to come and spend time with you going forward.

Mine also come more often because it's very easy to get back. As I said at the start, you'll be buying a home for you but you love your DSs and want them to be around, so you probably do need to think about the fact that the second house isn't appealing to them at all and their reasons seem fair enough.

There really should be somewhere with less compromises. I think you're feeling pressured because houses don't come up often in these locations.

[GeorgeTheThird]

I think you're ignoring a third house - their dad's. What if he buys some flash bachelor pad with good public transport (or keeps the family home?) You may see much less of your boys than you assume.

[YelloDraw]

OP's not telling them they have to shack up in a fucking Wendy House on Dartmoor!

Funny!

[plusthree]

House 2 for me.
This is a new chapter for you and the house should be your choice.
Your DSs will soon be having their own new chapters and then they can choose where they live.
Of course they should have a bedroom to come home to but if it were me I'd be resentful living in a new build in a town when in my heart I wanted a rural location.

[teraculum29]

If the house is near flood area, don,t buy it. You might not even get home insurance for it or very expensive one.

[Piemernator]

Friends can move, fall out, die, get new partners that you don't like or just end up all loved up and less available.

I would never choose to live somewhere with shit public transport, I don't use it but its there if I need it.

Wouldn't want a building site either, I say keep looking.

[icouldabeenacontender]

Some new builds near me are encountering problems with insurance as they are built on fllod plains.
Don't do it for that reason alone.