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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
Princesspinkgirl · 23/07/2016 18:37

I agree with you I wouldn't want my dp doing it

Waltermittythesequel · 23/07/2016 18:40

It's not unreasonable to ask him but I'm not sure you can stop him!

I can't stand strip clubs for a variety of reasons so I'd be disgusted if dh even wanted to go to one but he's a grown man and will go if he wants to, I suppose.

HairySubject · 23/07/2016 18:40

I wouldnt mind a strip club (I went to watch dream boys last week) but I woukd be upset at a private dance. Can you sit at the bar in a strip club or is it all gathered around the dancer? Can he compromise to save face?

LondonStill83 · 23/07/2016 18:42

It's awkward but I wouldn't make a big deal about it. Usually you just go sit at tables like in a bar- the women are almost a back drop. I have been to a few and they aren't as horrible as we think...

A lap dance though would be too far- just make sure he looks only and doesn't touch, you'll be fine.

someonestolemynick · 23/07/2016 18:43

Well, he's a grown man and free to pursue any legal activity. You are free to react in whichever way you choose.
I really don't think a strip club is such a big deal but I expect a lot of mnetters will disagree with me. I have seen male and female strip acts (as has my dp) and as long as they go to a reputable club nobody will be exploited. It's really not a big deal.

Pinkheart5915 · 23/07/2016 18:43

You can ask him not to but he is an adult and is able to make his own choices.

Can't say it would bother me tbh as a one off, obviously if it was a regular thing I'd not be impressed.

QuiteLikely5 · 23/07/2016 18:45

Can I ask why you don't want him to go?

Ifailed · 23/07/2016 18:45

Silly? The vast majority of sex-workers are at best coerced into it, or at worse sex-slaves.

How about your DH tells the rest he won't support such a nasty trade?

LadyLayLay · 23/07/2016 18:46

YANBU!

someonestolemynick · 23/07/2016 18:46

Ifailed, have you actually ever spoken to a stripper?

Eatthecake · 23/07/2016 18:47

You can ask him not to go but he is a grown man and will ultimately decide for himself.

As a one off (with NO private dances) I'd have no problems with it, I've been to see male strippers and dh had no problem.

Ifailed · 23/07/2016 18:49

someonestolemynick
Yes. Behind her was a nasty, controlling man.

It's selling sex, even if it doesn't involve a physical act.

AntiHop · 23/07/2016 18:49

Yanbu. Strip clubs objectify women. It would be acceptable to me for my dp to go to one. Anyone he wouldn't want to.

Sparklesilverglitter · 23/07/2016 18:50

As long as you ask him not to go and don't tell a grown man what he can and can't do you are not being unreasonable.

My DH has been to one on a few stag nights over the years, He always tells me before the stag night and I always say As long as no privates dances It doesn't bother me.

Cashewnutts · 23/07/2016 18:55

ifailed as someone who used to work behind the bar at a student club that also operated as a strip club on weekdays, I'd like to point out that not all strippers are 'controlled' by someone. Some genuinely choose that as their job/career. Don't make success sweeping generalisations.

Cashewnutts · 23/07/2016 18:55
  • such, not success!
Ifailed · 23/07/2016 18:57

Some genuinely choose that as their job/career. Don't make success sweeping generalisations
Sure. Their culture and their upbringing has nothing to do with it. Success? I doubt it.

someonestolemynick · 23/07/2016 18:58

Ifailed, that's one woman not the whole industry.
I happen to know a few strippers through a part of my work, who are independent, happy women, a lot of them artists or students, who see this job as a better part mora fun alternative to waiting tables. I don't want to glamourise it - the industry is open to exploitation and the women rarely get support from the authorities. The solution would be not to ban stripping but to give the women involved more support and protection.

Look up the East London Stripper's Collective - they are trying to build a support network for strippers.

someonestolemynick · 23/07/2016 19:04

"Some genuinely choose that as their job/career. Don't make success sweeping generalisations
Sure. Their culture and their upbringing has nothing to do with it. Success? I doubt it."

What a horrible, judgemental thing to post. Just because you wouldn't want to choose to do a job, doesn't mean someone else can't choose to.
I wouldn't want to work as a cleaner, that doesn't mean someone who chooses to be one was coerced into it or didn't have the correct upbringing.

AnyFucker · 23/07/2016 19:08

My husband is free to visit strip clubs whenever he likes

As long as he is prepared for the ensuing divorce

You do not have to tolerate this

Ifailed · 23/07/2016 19:08

The solution would be not to ban stripping

Yes it would, and prosecute the men who watch, harshly.

I suspect we won't agree on this. BTW, I really cant see the difference between ethicalstripper.com/site/
and soft porn.

Buunychops · 23/07/2016 19:13

I'm with AF on this…

Kangamum · 23/07/2016 19:15

I never get this aversion to strip clubs? Unless it's an Amsterdam one! Ha do you not allow your other half to watch films with sex scenes or full frontal nudity?

Your oh is an adult, and can and should be able to decide for himself. And yes, he would get mercissly ripped on a stag if he said his wife 'didn't allow' him to go to a strip club. He's not your child. He's an adult. And I always feel like there is an element of 'trust issues' if you have an issue with strip clubs.

Have you ever been to one? I have once, on a night out with my sister and oh. We got really plastered and convinced him to take us. They are preeeeettttt uneventful. Sister even had a private dance that my other half bought her for a laugh. She ended up just sitting talking to the girl about her kids etc. Also it's not as glam as everyone would have you believe. I certainly didn't think many of the women were stunning!

AnyFucker · 23/07/2016 19:22

Nothing about "trust issues"

I object to the sex industry on moral grounds and could not be married to someone who is a consumer of it

Zuccarelli · 23/07/2016 19:23

My dp can go to any strip club he likes. He knows it would be the end of our relationship though. He has never been to one anyway but he wouldn't care if his mates took the piss because he respects me more than he is bothered about that.

However, I should say that my view is somewhat clouded by the fact that my ex cheated on me for a good few months with a stripper.

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