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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
Kangamum · 23/07/2016 19:28

Any,

Bet your oh keeps his internet history sparkling.

TychosNose · 23/07/2016 19:28

YANBU
I couldn't respect a man who objectified women like that.

AnyFucker · 23/07/2016 19:33

I wouldn't know, kanga

Do you feel good for making that dig ?

QueenArseClangers · 23/07/2016 19:37

What's with all the cool wives and handmaidens that seem to have infiltrated MN recently.
FFs, it's the sex trade. It objectifies women and as a feminist and a decent person my DH wouldn't dream of going to one.

someonestolemynick · 23/07/2016 19:38

Failed, why should men (or women) watching strippers be punished? Sex isn't immoral. Paying for a service isn't immoral. So why is paying for a sexual service immoral as long as it is between consenting adults?
Be that stripping, soft to hard porn, or prostitution. I don't get it.

Togaparties · 23/07/2016 19:39

Why has he even told you this? Most of the shenanigans that happens on stag stays on stag. I know guys with wives with similar attitudes to some of you with respect to being a deal breaker etc. I've seen one of these guys drop a grand on lapdances in one evening. You wouldn't believe the shit that goes on. It all stays on tour though and is only ever mentioned between those that were there. The wives continue to believe that their DH would never go to a strip club when in fact their DHs are the ones having plenty of extras!

newname12345 · 23/07/2016 19:39

Ifailed

I hope you would want to prosecute anyone who watches the Chippendales or similar harshly as well.

AnyFucker · 23/07/2016 19:43

I feel the same about women using male strippers

MyBreadIsEggy · 23/07/2016 19:46

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with DH going to a strip club, as long as he was just in the general bar area, and no private dances.
I've been to strip clubs on quite a few occasions, and am friends with 2 women who work in one - one of them is married with two kids and works behind the bar as an extra job, the other is married to one of DH's work colleagues and is a dancer - both have chosen to work there purely for the money!

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 19:50

Well, my dh can go, but he won't be coming home here ever again.

His choice.

YANBU

kiki22 · 23/07/2016 19:52

I've known a few strippers over the years none have been forced into it they see it as easy money. I've modelled naked and been paid for it I wasn't forced no one took a cut it was easy money I didn't feel objectified I felt pretty damn sexy actually.

I really wouldn't have a problem with dp going to a strip club.

Jghl1234 · 23/07/2016 19:54

I just don't get the oh I don't care if my hobby watches a stripper or watches porn...I just don't..in a relationship you should only have eyes for one another if that's not the case I don't see the point...

Jghl1234 · 23/07/2016 19:57

Hubby**

wibblewobble8 · 23/07/2016 19:59

no problem with it here, dp is free to go to strip clubs (he doesn't and actually stands outside waiting for everyone to come back out i think he is mad). Wondered how long before cool wife line was trotted out. must have been by some dungaree wearing ugly hairy lesbian feminist not really but see what i did there

wibblewobble8 · 23/07/2016 20:03

meant to say tho that you have to consider whether this a deal breaker for you personally. And if it was, surely you'd just leave your dp over it, as the fact is morally he is happy to go along, regardless of your reasons. If he stopped going just to keep you happy, then imo this is more damaging as it rightly or wrongly portrays you as a controlling partner and possibly leaving him feeling resentful. Far better to find someone who thinks along the same lines as yourself. or live and let live

MilesHuntsWig · 23/07/2016 20:06

Of course your DH can not go. My DH has left the group when they went to a strip club on the Stag do of the friend he was best man for. No problem, wasn't his thing (and one or two others were relieved and didn't go either actually).

Your DH either needs to be honest about the fact that he wants to go or be a grown up and explain to his friends that he doesn't want to. You're certainly not being silly.

BolshierAryaStark · 23/07/2016 20:29

Fuck off with your 'trust issues' bullshit Hmm
I have a daughter, would I be happy for her to strip naked in a club for the sexual gratification of others? Hell no, I'd expect DH to have the same opinion if I'm honest & if you wouldn't be happy for your own daughter to to do it it's not ok for someone else's.

mum2Bomg · 23/07/2016 20:32

I'd let it go. It's not important. Plus I would be well annoyed if DH told me I couldn't go to a male strip show on a hen do. It would make him look really insecure and like he didn't trust me.

Just my opinion...

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 20:33

Too darn right that I wouldn't trust a man who went to strip clubs.

I don't find men who do that to be very decent men.

mum2Bomg · 23/07/2016 20:33

If he doesn't want to go then it's up to him to say so but you can't tell him what to do.

Happyon · 23/07/2016 20:36

Fine, but presumably that means you'd be happy for a naked woman to gyrate around your husbands in your kitchen, sitting room etc...? Being in a club shouldn't make it any more acceptable and this is leaving aside the objectification of women issue (deal breaker for me BTW)

mum2Bomg · 23/07/2016 20:37

I'd ask her to leave when it was time for tea Grin

Jghl1234 · 23/07/2016 20:41

Happyon - I completely agree it's exactly the same thing!!

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 20:46

presumably that means you'd be happy for a naked woman to gyrate around your husbands in your kitchen, sitting room etc...?

Oh but that is different apparently. Yet no one has ever explained why it is different.

If a woman in the office gyrated naked around their husbands no doubt they would class that as cheating, if not at least a serious crossing of boundaries. If it's in a strip club where money is exchanged it's ok.

It's nonsensical.

Togaparties · 23/07/2016 20:49

I don't find men who do that to be very decent men

I can say 100% that you know men (not necessarily your DH etc) who you consider to be decent men who are mad for lap dancing.