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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 25/07/2016 15:27

I think there's no right or wrong here. If the OP isn't comfortable, that's all there is to it. Each to their own I suppose. I'd be more annoyed about the wasted money to be honest

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/07/2016 16:03

I know an ex stripper, she's 20 now and a friend of my DD. Her mother has mental health problems and kicked her out when she was 17. She tried to support herself, rent a room, buy food etc and carry on at sixth form college while working a full time job, but it was all quite difficult and she didn't do well in her A levels.

She worked lots of jobs; care work, waitressing and bar work. She got a job in a bar, then ended up pole dancing, then stripping, which was much better paid and meant she could rent somewhere nicer and safer. She quit because she didn't like doing private dances and being pestered for extras.

No one made her strip, no one coerced her. But she still didn't have many choices. I think she was exploited.

Anyway, happy endings. She got a job in retail, and a cheaper more horrid flat. She's done an access course and gone to uni.

whattodowiththepoo · 25/07/2016 16:10

These threads are always so full of sensible discussion and never have anyone polarising the issues or condemning people they don't know.

GinIsForWinners · 25/07/2016 16:28

Whilst personally I wouldn't have a problem with dh going into a strip club on a stag do, (as long as he doesn't get a private dance) yanbu.
You are not comfortable with him going and I think he should respect that. As pp have said, it's not difficult to say 'no thanks lads, I'll meet you in the next bar'.
However, he may just go anyway.
Fwiw, men don't get 'gyrated' on by naked women as soon as they enter the establishment, they have to pay for a private dance.

PersianCatLady · 25/07/2016 16:45

It seems like he will probably go no matter what you say.

However would you prefer to know that he went or that he lied to you and told you he didn't?

Original poster
MJ14 · 25/07/2016 16:53

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who's replied, you've actually given me some really useful things to think about.
I've spoken to my DH, told him how uncomfortable it makes me and so we will see.

My main worry is there is a bloke going who is a seriously prick and has been known to spike people's drinks (not only with alcohol) and do many other awful things so I wouldn't put it past him to spike drinks to loosen people up and we have all done stupid things when we're drunk, it's why DH and I don't get drunk any more, no good comes from it, it's been many many many years since either of us was.

OP posts:
Purplebluebird · 25/07/2016 17:03

I wouldn't make a big deal of it. No I'm not 100% comfortable with the idea, but it's not something I would make a fuss about personally. There are worse things! If they were going to a brothel I would certainly speak up :p

user1468774130 · 25/07/2016 17:10

Can't believe the number of you on your 'high' horses. Get a grip!

It's fun, and anyway if people want to earn money using their bodies, what gives you the right to "butt in". It's none of your business.
Thankfully, we live in a free democratic society in Western Europe.

Sounds to me like either the OP has trust issues, or personal body jealousy issues - Just because your DH sees an attractive woman without clothes does not mean that he will be unfaithful to the OP!

gillybeanz · 25/07/2016 17:11

I don't think you can stop him if he wants to go.
He has the excuses straight away, such as everyone else is doing it.
The thing is some men will tell you they won't do it because it makes you unhappy and do it anyway and lie.
I suppose it depends on whether he is the type to give in to peer pressure or if he'll stand up for what you believe.
He doesn't sound as though he agrees with you so the ball is in your court.

harshbuttrue1980 · 25/07/2016 17:22

I agree with most people on here - let him go, but no private dances. At the end of the day, he's part of a stag group and the expectation there is that the group go with the flow.
Some people in the sex industry are trafficked and exploited, but some aren't. I doubt that any of the girls in a Peter Stringfellow bar are there against their will, its more likely to be in the seedier bars. For many, stripping is a choice and pays more than the other choices. I'd rather be a stripper than a cleaner or checkout assistant for example. Better paid and less mundane. Everyone is different, so don't assume.

PersianCatLady · 25/07/2016 17:46

My main worry is there is a bloke going who is a seriously prick and has been known to spike people's drinks
He sounds like one to be avoided.

Subatomickitten · 25/07/2016 18:04

OP strip clubs and spiked drinks? Fine set of mates your fella has......

AnyFucker · 25/07/2016 18:19

I judge a person by the company they keep

Just sayin'

HelenaDove · 25/07/2016 19:34

"She got a job in retail, and a cheaper more horrid flat. She's done an access course and gone to uni"

Thats great news about the access course and uni but in the meantime shes had to live in a shittier place quite possibly with a dodgy landlord who cuts corners putting lives at risk. Those places are cheap for a reason.

The problem is "normal" jobs not paying enough and lack of economic choice for women and/or young people. If this was tackled and more people lifted out of poverty there would be more and better choices for women.

THIS is the problem.

allyjay · 25/07/2016 20:31

YANBU. My DP has elected not to go to a strip club once or twice on stag dos and other men have joined him in the pub down the road.

Even if many or most of the strippers are happy to be there, think it's fun etc. It is still objectifying and I would not be happy for my daughter to do it. The problem I have with it

is that it's just another instance of women being de-humanised and seen as lesser than men, the 'sex class' (along with porn and prostitution), which means that the lives of

ALL women will be that little bit shitter as a consequence. In my humble opinion objectifying, de-humanising and 'othering' women is what leads to ourselves and our

daughters being wolf whistled at, groped inappropriately and in some cases sexually assaulted. So it's not really a case of a bit of legal fun, and no problem with it, when it

has such far reaching and negative consequences for all of us.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 25/07/2016 20:41

Is stripping even that dramatic? It's hardly prostitution or porn.

I mean Channing Tatum was actually a stripper before he became an actor and Magic Mike was based on his life. I loved it (and Magic Mike XXL). YUM!

There's a live Magic Mike show in Las Vegas starting in March. I... really wanna go!

announcement:

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 25/07/2016 20:43

the announcement is HILARIOUS by the way. you should watch it.

AnyFucker · 25/07/2016 20:48

Nah, I'll skip it thanks

Subatomickitten · 25/07/2016 20:59

Dramatic? No. Objectifying? Sleazy? Disrespectful? A waste of hard earned cash? IMO, a million times yes. But then again I've never been one for the LOLZ and the Bantz.

Flashbangandgone · 25/07/2016 21:22

Yanbu... I understand why you might object to stripping, but I'm a bit aghast at those who feel that visiting a strip club on a stag is so big a deal it's an actual LTB issue!

Heidi42 · 25/07/2016 21:23

yanbu this is very upsetting and I would have probably kicked up such a fuss my dh would not have gone

AnyFucker · 25/07/2016 21:24

Who cares what you think ?

You have your opinion, I have mine.

AnyFucker · 25/07/2016 21:24

Last post to flash

Flashbangandgone · 25/07/2016 21:31

Who cares what you think ? You have your opinion, I have mine.

So you have the right to spout forth your opinions freely.... But if someone takes a different view it's 'who cares what you think'.....Hmm

AnyFucker · 25/07/2016 21:34

Address your opinions to the op, flash

It's just fucking rude to try to belittle others to get your point across