Page 11 | Strip club

MJ14 · 2016-07-23T17:33:26+00:00

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going. AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

SarcasmMode · 27/07/2016 13:42

Sub I mean most blokes seem to go with pack mentality and it's the minority who will challenge the rest of the group.

ronjo · 27/07/2016 15:35

So when one former stripper says it was ok doing it she should be ignored but when another said it was horrible she should be listened too?

maddiesparks · 27/07/2016 15:51

Not all men would necessarily go along with it just because they were in a group - my DH was out with a stag night a few weeks back, he came back early because the others were all going to a strip club. He knows my feelings on them and respects that. He said that 3 others left with him and were relieved that DH said he wasn't up for it as they weren't keen on going either and it gave them a good excuse to bow out as well. They didn't make a big deal out of it just said they weren't up for it, none of the others were bothered that a few didn't go.

Loubymoo · 27/07/2016 16:41

YABU. He has been upfront about it. I'd more worried of he didn't tell you about it. It's all part and parcel of a stag do and don't think you can ask him to be the only one not to go in. If you trust him there shouldn't be an issue!!

PinkPearls20 · 27/07/2016 16:49

Absolutely YANBU.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 16:52

Ronjo, that very much depends on if you take an individualistic or a societal view

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 16:56

Brazen you have reminded me of one of my former chatline colleagues. She said similar to you. She was an ex prostitute and i remember her saying to me that working at the chatline she had much more shit and nasty crap said to her during a call than she did in person when working as a prostitute

In her words....."most of the punters wouldnt dare say this stuff to your face"

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/07/2016 17:23

It's all part and parcel of a stag do and don't think you can ask him to be the only one not to go in. If you trust him there shouldn't be an issue!!

It has nothing to do with "trusting him" . Why do so many of you think the only issue is a fear your man might cop off with/ grope the stripper?

It's about not wanting to be married to the sort of man who thinks strip clubs are acceptable.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/07/2016 17:27

So when one former stripper says it was ok doing it she should be ignored but when another said it was horrible she should be listened too?

As AF said it's the effect societally.

Pre smoking ban if you had 2 nonsmokers who worked in a smoky bar. 1 says it's fine the other doesn't. For the benefit of all bar workers the one who objects should carry more weight.

SarcasmMode · 27/07/2016 17:35

maddies that's good but a good portion of men wouldn't rock the boat.

Re: male strippers no thanks! In fact I told the girls at my hen is leave if they booked one.

Flamingflume · 27/07/2016 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 18:00

I wouldnt go to an event that involved male strippers either. Totally not my thing. And its also objectification.

Im not at all interested in looking at a mans naked body.

Intelligence and compassion in a man is a turn on for me not a naked stranger!

Subatomickitten · 27/07/2016 18:13

Does that not bother you Sarcasm? That most blokes would "go with the herd". There is outrage on here when Mners are treated like a hive mind, and rightly so. As this thread demonstrates, we all have different opinions and different boundaries so what makes men so unique that when in the company of other males they adopt the hive mind? Nah, not buying it. They want to go, it's just easier to tell 'er indoors that a bigger boy made me do it.

PinkPearls20 · 27/07/2016 18:14

Helena....I couldnt agree more.

Captainj1 · 27/07/2016 18:24

My DH has a mate who, when they go out, always insists on them going to a strip club or lap dancing bar at the end of the night. My DH says he doesn't enjoy it, but he goes along with it so that they can share a cab home. I know it happens, I trust him (if he's going to cheat, statistics show it's much more likely to be with someone from work that he sees every day fully clothed!), it's not illegal, so I really don't have a problem with it. The fact he talks to me about it reassures me that he has nothing to hide. I've been to strip clubs, as extensions of business meetings (sadly....) and it didn't bother me, was more envious of the pert boobs and supple bodies wrapped around poles (not to mention the tidy ladygardens)

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 18:35

So its not just porn where the expectation for women to shave their pubic hair has come from. Ive never done mine and never will.

But id be willing to bet that plenty of the men who attend these places take this expectation home to their wives/girlfriends.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 18:40

Captain, your husband has done a right number on you. He goes to strip clubs because he wants to, not so he can share a cab

You are married to a punter.

SarcasmMode · 27/07/2016 18:57

Sub it really does bother me. I know it's going back to the Neanderthal days but this is 2016 - we don't walk around naked nowadays like they did then, so clearly something should've sunk in.

I doubt my DH would do it but then he's VI, so wouldn't want to be abandoned either so would probably plonk himself in the corner and die of embarrassment. His brother would though but most of his friends wouldn't - I guess you are known by the company you keep in many respects.

I don't think their is any excuse at all though. Their may be a hive mentality but they still need to own up to their behaviour most definitely.

If a friend offered me coke (the drug, not the drink) I would say no thanks. If they said go on don't be boring, I'd gladly tell them not taking drugs doesn't make me boring. It's up to her if she does it, but she has no right to tell me how I should live my life. If her and a few others ridicule me for that, I'd be able to hold my head up high and know I wasn't pressured into it.

For me it boils down to this.

It's not just the fact that the women may or may not be vulnerable.

It's not just the fact that a man may cheat on his partner or touch a woman inappropriately.

To me it's the fact that by it being so common, it changes how a man treats the woman around him. In general males who frequent these kind of places tend to begin to treat the women they are attracted to in the same way. So they will expect their wife to shave their pubic hair, expect their girlfriend to talk dirty etc. This is the same problem with porn, prostitution and any sex related industry, really.

It's not just women they are dating either. It's to do with a woman he may be attracted to. He sees a woman in a club, or meets one doing a mutual hobby and thinks she's probably up for it, because that's how women are portrayed. Therefore it adds to an entitlement issue.

I'm not saying he's going to be a rapist or a sexual harasser (though the latter is quite likely) but I am saying he may well have an unhealthy viewpoint on women.

Or I could be talking crap but I'm not

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/07/2016 19:07

You are not talking crap Sarcasm Very far from it.

It's not just the fact that a man may cheat on his partner or touch a woman inappropriately

To me it's the fact that by it being so common, it changes how a man treats the woman around him. In general males who frequent these kind of places tend to begin to treat the women they are attracted to in the same way. So they will expect their wife to shave their pubic hair, expect their girlfriend to talk dirty etc. This is the same problem with porn, prostitution and any sex related industry, really

It's not just women they are dating either. It's to do with a woman he may be attracted to. He sees a woman in a club, or meets one doing a mutual hobby and thinks she's probably up for it, because that's how women are portrayed. Therefore it adds to an entitlement issue.

I'm not saying he's going to be a rapist or a sexual harasser (though the latter is quite likely) but I am saying he may well have an unhealthy viewpoint on women

Subatomickitten · 27/07/2016 19:10

Absolutely Sarcasm , it seems such a shame that we can uphold our own values yet so many make excuses because it happened with "the lads". I regularly entertain clients and there does always seems to be one who chips in with "Are we off to the titty bar/Lappers etc" luckily, my boss knows me well and is more than happy for me to say "'not on my expenses sunshine" and quite a few times I've heard the exhales of relief from other men in the group that I've been the one to say no. I just want to shout "grow a pair of tits" because balls in this situation appear completely redundant.

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 19:16

Brilliant post Sarcasm.

I know that if i were ever to disrobe in front of a man again and he expressed shock or surprise that i have pubic hair or made a derogatory comment about it i would put my clothes back on and walk out.

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 19:21

I would NOT tolerate a man who made a derogatory comment about any part of my body.

Because it would be very likely he would be doing it because I dont "match up" to what hes seen elsewhere.

And even if he wasnt doing it for that reason he would still be a twunt.

witsender · 27/07/2016 19:34

I completely agree. A boyfriend in my twenties (who turned out to be emotionally abusive) hadn't had many girlfriends before me, but had watched a lot of porn. His expectations of me were in line with that...I was too fat at a 12, I should make more noise, be more enthusiastic, wear the latex dresses he brought back from travelling, shave the lady garden, swallow, use the sex toys and anal beads he thought were apparently an essential part of every day sex, loss weight to avoid his embarrasment. In a way, it almost wasn't his fault. His understanding of sex came from the porn industry. He believed it because the women had to be enjoying it...look how much noise they're making?

This stuff all has an effect.

HelenaDove · 27/07/2016 19:38

witsender thats horrifying. He was obviously getting it from porn but his behaviour towards you was abusive.

SarcasmMode · 27/07/2016 19:59

wits I agree. I've known a fair few blokes that seem to uphold these kind of beliefs.

I'd not go as far to say it's not their fault though just like I wouldn't say everyone who plays GTA thinks violence is OK. If he was exposed to it as a young teen I'd agree but as an adult you need to be objective.

The problem is that mainstream (page 3, underwear modelling etc) don't exactly debunk these myths.

I've shaved down there - for me.

I've tried some sexual things - out of my own curiosity.

If my partner demanded it his ass would be bruised by the door I'd slam on it.