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AIBU?

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Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/07/2016 20:52

Not in my world. Maybe you need to reconsider your friendship group.

NeedACleverNN · 23/07/2016 20:59

I've been into a strip club. One with women strippers not men.

They were pole dancing and everything. They kept trying to encourage me to go and do it but I was happy to just sit down and admire their skills

Wouldn't bother me if dh wanted to go. They have strict touching policies

molyholy · 23/07/2016 21:03

Sorry, bit for the many posters who know various strippers saying that every single one of them think it is wonderful and not exploitative and are doing it for the money, all whilst having a wonderful time - sorry, but I don't buy it.

As a pp said, if you wouldn't be happy with your daughter getting her tits out and gyrating around leery, sexist men who think women are pieces of meat, then you shouldn't think it's okay for any woman to do it.

My husband has left a stag do early when others have gone to strip clubs. It's not hard. Luckily him and the majority of his friends respect women as equals, so this isn't something that happens on all stag do's he attends.

yanbu to be upset OP.

Porcupinetree · 23/07/2016 21:04

YANBU.

I wouldn't be waiting for my husband if I knew he was doing that whilst away.

wibblewobble8 · 23/07/2016 21:06

Different settings do make the difference. For lots of things. Its acceptable for me fart at home at my convenience. But this behavior would not be tolerated anywhere else. Likewise, stripping is deemed legal and acceptable in a strip club, but outwith the strip club it is not.

BeckyMcDonald · 23/07/2016 21:09

My husband can go to a strip club.

As long as he's happy that when he returns home there will be a naked man grinding his penis on my lap. I won't be touching him though, so that's ok.

My husband has been to a few stag dos and not been in a strip club. When he says he'll go for a drink elsewhere as he doesn't fancy it, there's always a good few who go with him. At the past two the groom has not gone into the strip club.

Chorister · 23/07/2016 21:17

My DH would not go into a strip club on a stag night. The last time he was at a stag do the guys he was with wanted to go, he refused, he went to another bar by himself and called me for a chat. He was genuinely shocked by the behaviour of the guys he was with. He was actually angry with them and was disgusted with what they were saying. After about 10 mins a couple of the other guys joined him as the reality of the strip club sunk in.

NashvilleQueen · 23/07/2016 21:19

The difference is the old 'boys will be boys' bullshit.

Genuinely how many of you on here, who have choices and means of financial support, would actively choose to leave your children each evening, go to some sleazy club full of leering men and take your clothes off. To have them rating your tits or arse and comparing you to the next girl on stage. It's demeaning, offensive and women who say it's harmless fun are deluded.

StrawberryMouse · 23/07/2016 21:26

My dh would be welcome to go if he wanted but shouldn't feel surprised if I fell very partially clothed into another man's lap while he was away. No harm right? Grin

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 21:27

I can say 100% that you know men (not necessarily your DH etc) who you consider to be decent men who are mad for lap dancing.

No, I don't.

And if it turns out I'm wrong then that just means I was wrong to think that man was decent.

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 21:31

Different settings do make the difference.

Explain the moral difference between a random woman in the pub taking a fancy to your DH and gyrating over him and visiting a strip club?

Why does the venue make any difference?

Its acceptable for me fart at home at my convenience. But this behaviour would not be tolerated anywhere else.

Poor example.

newname12345 · 23/07/2016 21:33

BeckyMcDonald and StrawberryMouse you seem to be assuming that lap dancing happens at all strip clubs. There's many clubs that do not allow any physical contact at all from either side.

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 21:33

My dh would be welcome to go if he wanted but shouldn't feel surprised if I fell very partially clothed into another man's lap while he was away. No harm right?

As long as you pay him and it's in a building with a bar it's absolutely fine ;)

WoahSlowDown · 23/07/2016 21:49

I would have a massive issue if my DH went to a strip club. Fortunately he wouldn't dream of it. Apart from the yuck factor there is the issue of supporting the sex industry.

Kangamum · 23/07/2016 21:54

I have a daughter and would I be happy if she decided to be a stripper? Nope. Would I hope she would talk to me about it. Yes. it's her choice, and while it's not a job choice I would make for her, I don't control the people I love with my expectations or disapprovements. Again, she'd be 18, therefore an adult. And completely free to make her own choices in life. As husbands are! I'm quite sure her dad would have something to say about it tho. Ironically.

I've know a few ladies that also stripped when they were younger, and they have had diff experiences of it. But mostly the opinion seems to be its just a job and pays very well. If you are confident to get your kit off in a room full of strangers, not so strangely you are pretty ok with being looked at!

Again, I don't get the hoo ha about strippers, but should say I do think that if you really really hate them and would be upset by it and your hubby would go regardless, I think that's a different thing. That does come down to respecting your wishes.

And if there was a half naked lady (I'm assuming also drunk because otherwise why would she just do that) gyrating all over my hubby in a random place, he'd be mortified, and hide in the loo. So yes, the setting makes a massive difference.

wibblewobble8 · 23/07/2016 22:07

Explain the moral difference between a random woman in the pub taking a fancy to your DH and gyrating over him and visiting a strip club?

The woman in the pub wants to take things further. The key word in your example being 'fancy'. A stripper in a nightclub, she just wants to get her shift done and collect her pay. The stripper doesnt give two shiny shits about anyones DH, other than how much he is willing to stump up for another dance.

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 22:35

So it's morally better because she doesn't want to fuck him and he is paying her.

I don't think that is morally better. Not in my marriage anyway.

It's all a bit gross though isn't it? Paying to look at a woman's naked body like it's just a normal and acceptable night out.

Overrunwithlego · 23/07/2016 23:03

These threads never end well - generally on one side there are those of us who say it doesn't bother them and it's ridiculous to say that you "wouldn't allow" your dh to go to a strip club. On the other side there are those of us who think it's demeaning to women, something a decent man doesn't do.

But ultimately we all have different lines in our relationships. Some of us would be happy to have completley open relationships. Some of us wouldn't be happy with our partners going out for a drink with a work colleague.

None of us are right or wrong. But we have to be honest with our partners about what those lines are. If you are in a committed relationship and your partner is clear that you consider visiting a strip bar cheating and goes anyway, then he has cheated. He knows he has cheated. Saying that "all the other wives are cool with it" (whether that is right or not!) is irrelevant.

If he goes to a strip bar knowing you have no problem with it, then he hasn't cheated.

wibblewobble8 · 23/07/2016 23:10

If you are in a committed relationship and your partner is clear that you consider visiting a strip bar cheating and goes anyway, then he has cheated. He knows he has cheated. No he has just done something that his wife doesnt like/approve. Its no more cheating than if you consider your partner talking to another person cheating. Saying its cheating, doesn't make it so. But I agree with what you said earlier. Its finding the compromise, or the hard lines. Do you as a wife accept that your dp has a different morality, or do you force him to conform, or do you find someone else that is more compatible. Does the husband curb his behaviour for no other reason than to appease his wife, does he choose free will to do as he pleases within the law, or does he find someone more compatible. Therein lies the answer but its not always a happy one (Unless you both find someone who 100% agrees with all your views, then your probably onto a winner).

janethegirl2 · 23/07/2016 23:10

I wouldn't care if dh went to a strip club, why should I? He's only going to be looking. And we've both been to mixed strippers in the past so why would I think it's wrong?

I don't necessarily think it's right but I'm not too fussed either way.

Ok I know I'm going to get flamed for this view but it's not something I can really get uptight about!

janethegirl2 · 23/07/2016 23:11

Cheating, IMO, involves cocks in vaginas, and that's not too likely at a strip club.

Jghl1234 · 23/07/2016 23:12

Cheating isn't just sex

janethegirl2 · 23/07/2016 23:15

If it's all fantasy I can't get upset about it as it's all in their head. Sex is cheating IMO. Thinking about it isn't.

Waltermittythesequel · 23/07/2016 23:18

So if your husband's cock was in someone else's mouth, that wouldn't be cheating? How odd!

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 23:19

No he has just done something that his wife doesnt like/approve. Its no more cheating than if you consider your partner talking to another person cheating. Saying its cheating, doesn't make it so.

I disagree with you (again Grin)

I have certain boundaries in my marriage. Boundaries we discussed before we married and he married me knowing that if he crossed them it would be it for us. He actually agrees with them and feels the same way.

However, if he went to a strip club I would consider it cheating. It would mean that he broke a promise we had, overstepped a boundary that is important to me and that is a betrayal of our marriage.

Thankfully I married someone who I'm compatible with in all important issues but if we weren't then it would be his choice if he married me or not knowing that certain things would be a deal breaker to me.

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