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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strip club

280 replies

MJ14 · 23/07/2016 18:33

My hubby is going on his mates stag weekend away, I know the groom plans to take the group in a strip club and I've told my DH that I'm not ok with this at all and he keeps telling me I'm being silly and he can't say no when everyone else is going.
AIBU to ask him not to? He doesn't drink much anyway so it's not unreasonable for him to leave the group to it.

OP posts:
Flashbangandgone · 25/07/2016 21:56

Anyfucker

You've made me chuckle... Can't you see the irony of your last post?!

As for belittling others, I expressed an opinion that I felt some people's responses were a bit extreme, that's all. I understand you may disagree...that's fine but I don't get why you get so wound up when people have a different viewpoint!

Flashbangandgone · 25/07/2016 22:02

Also, what's with 'address your opinions to the op'.... A quick look through the posts show you responded to other posters? Your hypocrisy and hair-trigger temper just makes you come across rather unhinged!

Br75 · 25/07/2016 22:22

Dh welcome to go put he would be leaving his key.

MaQueen · 25/07/2016 22:30

I can't get worked up about DH going to a strip club. I know he's been to a few while on various stag dos - he always moans about the extortionate cost of the beer Grin

Generally, they're pretty big, packed places with loads of blokes just drinking heavily often unable to even see the strippers because of the crowds.

I do the last time on a stag do, DH and a couple of others declined the strip club and went for a curry next door. Bless 'em, they're all getting middle aged nowadays.

RestlessTraveller · 25/07/2016 22:35

Oooh 'cool wives' and 'handmaiden' ...get your dabblers out for MN bingo.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 25/07/2016 22:52

*23/07/2016 23:48 HedgehogHedgehog

I sympathise with your attitude but in reality all you are going to do here is set up for your DP to lie to you. Because who on earth when they are on their mates stag do going to something he has arranged for his stag do, say 'sorry i cant join you i have to sit outside, my girlfriend wont like it'*

I have been on dozens of stag bashes and it is quite common for the group to split late doors when strip joints get discussed, even in Amsterdam! From my observations most blokes really can't be arsed with them, they are expensive and boring. There are always two or three guys who try and convince others that it is a great idea to go to a strip club and they might successfully use peer pressure to convince a few others to follow them but generally I would rather stay in the pub/bar or if it is late doors bugger off back to the hotel. Finally, as for cheating, all the infidelity I have witnessed on such weekends the men concerned all had previous form for it closer to home, the weekend away just made it easier for them, it was not a strip joint that convinced them to stray.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 25/07/2016 22:55

The only people who might need to be ashamed about being in a strip club are the audience. But visiting a strip club is not the the worst thing in the world. For example, it's not as sad and weird as being a train-spotter

I would rather be married to a train-spotter than to a man who goes to strip clubs.
And I am a person who finds train-spotters very, very weird and cannot understand at all how watching trains could be fun. Train-spotters are weird, but they are not morally and ethically reprehensible

Train spotter ? Or the sort of "sad wanker who pays women who would not otherwise give them the time of day to take their clothes off" (as my son described men who go strip clubs)

Not a difficult choice.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 25/07/2016 22:59

I couldn't care less to be honest if my DH went. I had three friends at uni that did it and loved it. We all went a few times before a night out (Edinburgh) and the girls were all happy and chatting away to us casually and not as punters, as obviously my friends worked with them.

A group of guys on my DH's stag went at the end of one night and him and his best man went and got a kebab and went back to the hotel. He said he just wasn't up for it and said he wouldn't waste his money.

The important thing op is what you find acceptable. I don't see why your DH couldn't respect your wishe's and go elsewhere at that stage of the evening. I'm sure someone else would be up for not going too.

Modalverb1 · 26/07/2016 06:21

So those of you who are ok with your DHs watching strippers would be happy for your daughters/nieces to strip? Bet you think it would be 'empowering' for the girls.

RestlessTraveller · 26/07/2016 06:42

I had a bloody good laugh and earned great money when I did it. As long as it was a good club and she was sensible I wouldn't have a problem with my daughter/niece doing the same.

Flashbangandgone · 26/07/2016 07:53

I think there's a big difference between strip clubs... There's the regulated and legal 'gentlemans clubs' ones that are just that, relatively tasteful stripping and nothing else, which on the 'sex industry' spectrum is akin to Page 3 girls... And then there are those that are a lot more sleazy, that are effectively fronts for prostitution where the women may not be there of their own volition... Completely different and more akin to exploitative hardcore porn.

The first type, of which I'm presuming Restless performed at, I can't get too worked up about, and is equivalent to the Chippendales, and to be so incensed that your partner went to one on a stag do that you terminate your relationship with them seem a very extreme reaction.

The second type, I would definitely have an issue with....
To conflate the two is like saying 'page 3' is no different to 'gang bang porn' just because they come under the banner of the 'sex industry'.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/07/2016 08:58

"Gentlemen's clubs" - what a brilliant example of a rhetorical oxymoron.

witsender · 26/07/2016 09:01

What AF said.

*Nothing about "trust issues"

I object to the sex industry on moral grounds and could not be married to someone who is a consumer of it*

AnyFucker · 26/07/2016 09:02

Gosh. I didn't realise we had stepped back to the 1950's

"Gentleman's clubs" ?

Is that where the punters sip bourbon instead of necking pints and don't have any tattoos ?

Dizzybintess · 26/07/2016 09:06

My DH has been to them on various stags. Not his own stag though. He has told me each time it's planned and quite frankly he is a grown up so if he wants to take part in something like this on a trip I leave it up to him.
However whenever he has done it he has said he has been bored shitless and that the women look depressed and it's the least sexy thing he can imagine.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/07/2016 09:06

And euphemism

heron98 · 26/07/2016 09:07

It wouldn't be the first place I'd want my DP to go, but if it's on a stag do I'd probably let it go. A private dance would be a different matter.

TheStoic · 26/07/2016 09:19

This is not the kind of thing you can forbid another adult to do.

Either your partner is the kind of man who is Ok with going to strip clubs, or he's not. If his stance on this is different to yours - you have a big problem, whether he goes this time or not.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 26/07/2016 11:09

Anyfucker's back to her old tricks of yelling anyone down who disagrees.

As for "would I be happy for my kids to strip?" No I wouldn't.

But I eat in mcdonalds and I wouldn't be happy for them to work there either. I shop in Aldi and don't want them to work there. Get petrol from a petrol station, don't want them to work there.

Other things I'm ok with for other people but wouldn't want my kids to do

  • living on benefits
  • having children out of wedlock
  • working live long minimum wage jobs
  • not getting a degree
  • being a carer

I'd rather a university educated successful daughter happily married who stripped during uni, than all of the above but no stripping.

MaQueen · 26/07/2016 11:15

I think pangalactic has the truth of it. I'm willing to bet that the OP's DH will just lie, just for the sake of a quiet life.

On the stag dos DH has been on, there's always a few blokes who swear everyone else to secrecy about the fact they have all been to a strip club, because they don't want grief from their wives.

Like pan says, the blokes who end up misbehaving are the ones who also misbehave back home. The others will just choke at the price of the beer in the strip club, having a curious passing glance at the stripper (who is probably 50ft away) then go and grab a curry.

Flashbangandgone · 26/07/2016 12:16

I wonder if those so firmly against their DH attending any strip club on a stag do that they would LTB (even on the basis that the visit was like MaQueen suggests) are as puritanical when it comes to stuff like Game of Thrones or even Poldark! Are they similar red flags, and if not, why not?! Both use sexual imagery as part of their attraction.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/07/2016 13:41

But I eat in mcdonalds and I wouldn't be happy for them to work there either. I shop in Aldi and don't want them to work there. Get petrol from a petrol station, don't want them to work there

I am so fed up of this insulting and patronising comparison. Stripping is not a better job than any of those. If my child was working at any of those they might not be the best paid job in the world but they are useful jobs.

*Other things I'm ok with for other people but wouldn't want my kids to do
- living on benefits some people genuinely have no choice
- having children out of wedlock - how odd that you are so morally upright yet - you are happy to support the commercial sexual exploitation of women
- working live long minimum wage jobs again most of these jobs are of benefit to society - campaign for better wages
- not getting a degree- not the best all and end all
- being a carer. Why not?

HelenaDove · 26/07/2016 13:43

Wow SmallThings thats quite an extensive list. Hope your DC possess crystal balls so they can avoid everything on that list.

HelenaDove · 26/07/2016 13:46

YY Lass There is definately some misogyny there. Happy for a bloke to go to a strip club but not for her daughter to have a kid without being married.

Spottytop1 · 26/07/2016 14:00

I would not be concerned at all...

I know/ have known lots of women who worked at strip clubs most were very intelligent women funding further studies or lifestyles they wanted... Don't confuse strip clubs with prostitution....