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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite 1 identical twin & not the other

216 replies

IceBoleyn · 12/07/2016 16:53

I have identical twin boys, 9 years old and at pick up today, a Mum I don't really know was handing out party invites to parents, she handed me one invite & I don't know why but I just assumed that it would be for both boys.

I got home and the invite was addressed to only one child, I thought perhaps it was an error and texted the number to ask if the invite was just for DS1 and the unexpected reply was yes. Confused

My DTs are in the same class and from their replies barely know the child, so I'm not even sure why one received an invite at all. The party is at a swimming pool with a float etc but their's no way that I'm letting one go & not the other. Am I the only one that finds it really odd and slightly rude that she'd only invite the one .

In my honest opinion DS2 would have been the clever choice Wink

OP posts:
Cutecat78 · 12/07/2016 16:55

They are individual people - not a set of people.

summerskittles91 · 12/07/2016 16:55

Thats just rude! Confused
So she knows you have twins and only invited 1? why on earth would anyone do that? I wouldn't send one and not the other..

FuzzyOwl · 12/07/2016 16:57

I think YABU. They are not conjoined and presumably have different personalities. Just because they think they barely know the child whose birthday it is, doesn't mean that the child doesn't have a preference in the same way any siblings will have individual friends.

NataliaOsipova · 12/07/2016 16:57

That is odd. I take the point about the different people, but it's odd if they are in the same class.

chitofftheshovel · 12/07/2016 16:57

I'm a twin and would have loved to have gone to a party without my sibling. How do your guys feel about one going and not the other?

LittleMissBossyBoots · 12/07/2016 16:58

I think it's very mean.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 12/07/2016 16:58

Party mum is not being unreasonable. Unless you have conjoined twins.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/07/2016 16:59

Actually I find it odd that you expect your twins to be treated as one person rather than as the two individuals they are. I went to school with identical twins, they were very different personalities and I got on better with one over the other.

twinkletoedelephant · 12/07/2016 16:59

I am surprised this is the first time if your boys are 9?

My twins often get invited to different parties it's just something they have got use to. They don't need to come as a pair all the time. I tend to do something fun with the other one who wasn't invited.
Maybe it's a number thing and mum said to birthday child you can have 20 people start writing names.....

Rainbunny · 12/07/2016 17:01

If the twin who is invited is closer friends with the party child then I get it but in your post you say neither of your sons really knows the child, so it does sound very odd to me and yes quite rude (in the absence of a specific friendship with the birthday child).

Pengweng · 12/07/2016 17:02

If they are in the same class and not even close friends with the birthday kid then I would find it weird but maybe he has spoken of one but not the other. My frat girls will be in different classes next year but to be honest they have completely different friends now so i wouldn't be surprised if one got invited and one didn't. The same way that they wouldn't want to invite the same kids to their party. There would be very little overlap.

KayJBee · 12/07/2016 17:02

Why wouldn't you let the invited one go just because his sibling is not invited? Have they never done anything separately? If not, maybe now would be a good opportunity to start being individuals rather than 'the twins'.

Surely they have different friends/interests/personalities so are likely to be friends with different children.
I would be a little sad for the uninvited twin but use it as a good lesson in being individual and while the party was going take him for some 1 on 1 time which as a twin is often quite a rarity.

PatriciaHolm · 12/07/2016 17:04

If the birthday child wants twin 1 and not twin 2, then presumably that is what the mother had done.

I can't see why your twins cant have separate friends and be invited to separate parties?

Witchend · 12/07/2016 17:07

I have known two sets of identical twins whose dm favoured one of them. In both sets the favoured one was a spoilt brat who thought the world owed them.
The other was a delightful young lady who thought of others, worked hard and was a pleasure to have around.

I would have had every sympathy with someone inviting the nice one and not the favoured one. Unfortunately the dms in both case wouldn't have let that happen.

DowntonDiva · 12/07/2016 17:07

I agree they're individuals so you can assume. But does seem very mean. Can't see myself doing it to friends with 2 or more children. X invited but not y Hmm

completecliche · 12/07/2016 17:09

YABU
Most parents of twin are full of angst about them being treated as separate individuals. We welcome them being invited to parties alone.

NavyandWhite · 12/07/2016 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChicRock · 12/07/2016 17:11

Do they never do anything separately? Are they not encouraged to pursue their own hobbies and interests and have their own friends?

Now is an ideal time to go with the idea that they don't always have to come as a pair.

Pandsbear · 12/07/2016 17:11

No, my twins (now 10) have often had their own invites since they were about 7 and starting having some slightly different friends.
I did find it hard when they were younger (so Reception/yr 1) as they didn't quite understand why one had the invite and not the other but by 7 they were fine. It tends to even out in the end. Actually I like having just the one of them to myself while the other is out having fun with their friends.

If you feel really strongly then just say he is aleady busy that day. But I think if the invited one wants to go then he should. It does them good to do things apart from each other.
It will happen more and more as they get older.

NavyandWhite · 12/07/2016 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CocktailQueen · 12/07/2016 17:11

Yabvu

They are separate people. Why wouldn't you want one to Ho to a party eithout the other? How long are you going yo for this? When they're 18, will you still be turning down invites that don't include them both?

FuriousFate · 12/07/2016 17:12

Just because they're twins, they don't have to do everything together! What a strange attitude you seem to have towards your children, OP. Do you dress them identically as well?

FWIW, I have siblings who are twins. My DP treated them as individuals. That's normal behaviour...

user1467101855 · 12/07/2016 17:13

their's no way that I'm letting one go & not the other. Am I the only one that finds it really odd and slightly rude that she'd only invite the one

Are they only allowed to move around the world as a set? They are individuals, they will have different friends, different interests etc. Unless of course you force them to be "The Twins" to everyone.
It's not odd, its not rude, its totally normal. And what does them being identical have to do with it?

JacquesHammer · 12/07/2016 17:13

9 year old twins in my DD's class. Frequently invited to separate parties, parents of twins fully support this.

For them they enjoy that invitations are not automatically given, also they use the time to spend individual time with the other twin.

2nds · 12/07/2016 17:14

Why would DS2 be 'The clever choice'? Is he your favourite?