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AIBU?

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Original poster

To invite 1 identical twin & not the other

216 replies

IceBoleyn · 12/07/2016 16:53

I have identical twin boys, 9 years old and at pick up today, a Mum I don't really know was handing out party invites to parents, she handed me one invite & I don't know why but I just assumed that it would be for both boys.

I got home and the invite was addressed to only one child, I thought perhaps it was an error and texted the number to ask if the invite was just for DS1 and the unexpected reply was yes. Confused

My DTs are in the same class and from their replies barely know the child, so I'm not even sure why one received an invite at all. The party is at a swimming pool with a float etc but their's no way that I'm letting one go & not the other. Am I the only one that finds it really odd and slightly rude that she'd only invite the one .

In my honest opinion DS2 would have been the clever choice Wink

OP posts:
SeaCabbage · 12/07/2016 17:41

I find it more strange that your boys are saying that they barely know the child doing the inviting.

(But I do agree that it's perfectly ok to invite only one twin.)

LellyMcKelly · 12/07/2016 17:43

If one twin is a friend, and one not, then that's perfectly acceptable. They are not one person.

123rd · 12/07/2016 17:43

How odd to think they should automatically both get invited. It would probably pee me off if everyone saw my twins as a package.

user1467101855 · 12/07/2016 17:43

I think it's rude because if their was a set of siblings in the same year/class, I would invite them

And if they were a year apart? You haven't said why them being in the same class makes any difference.

And you haven't said why its rude not to treat twins as a set. If anything I think its rude the other way around.

RandomMess · 12/07/2016 17:44

I don't get why you think it is rude?

It is rude and cruel to leave out only a few DC from a whole class party type thing.

SeemsLegit · 12/07/2016 17:46

If your ds2 is very shy and your ds1 overshadows him it's probably time to stop letting them spend 95% of their time together. Ds2 probably relies on his brother to help get him through awkward situations and it won't help him in the long run. I say this as a twin!

Original poster
IceBoleyn · 12/07/2016 17:46

I don't think she's being unreasonable, just slightly rude but I can see how at their age, parties would have to be smaller. It would make sense if either of my DTs were close to the birthday boy but they barely know him.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/07/2016 17:50

She not rude at all.

But it is fairly rude to expect your kids to come as a set.

They're individual people and should be allowed to be so, including going to separate parties etc.

Hulababy · 12/07/2016 17:51

Definitely not rude.

Most parents of twins prefer their children to be seen as individuals - desperate presents and cards, a separate invitation each, etc.
You say that although your children do most things together it is easy to see them as individuals.

So now someone HAS seen and treated them as individuals. Isn't that a good thing in the bigger picture?

It really isn't that much different to any other two siblings where one gets an exciting party invitation and the other doesn't. Do something 1:1 with child 2 and let child 1 go to the party.

Tbh you will probably find this will happen more and more as they get older. Definitely by 9y they should understand and accept it.

Definitely not rude.

Original poster
IceBoleyn · 12/07/2016 17:53

Alright, I shall have to accept that it wasn't a rude thing to do. I shall accept the invite for DS1 & do something nice with DS2 on the same day.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 12/07/2016 17:53

i think the op is getting a hard time here

obviously hasnt happened previously and the twins dont even talk to this person so thats prob why shes asking

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 12/07/2016 17:58

It would make sense if either of my DTs were close to the birthday boy but they barely know him

Not all kids have a bestie/gang at school, but still want a party with some school mates. Maybe your DS dosn't consider him a mate compaired to his other school friends, but the birthday boy might be a bit short on friend in that particular class and maybe your DS is kind to him or doesn't join in with bullying so as far as the birthday boy is concerned, they're friends? Or as close to one as he's got?

mouldycheesefan · 12/07/2016 17:58

I have twins,they been going to different parties since they were 5. They are individuals with their own friends, activities and interests. They don't come as a pair.
I am glad to see you will let the invited child go. You must start to allow them to be independent of eachother.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 12/07/2016 18:02

that was the case with one of my DDs before they re-shuffled the classes in primary, she usually makes friends easily but didn't find her place in that class.

Even though she has good friends from outside school/hobbies, she wanted people from school at her party, so invited kids who were just generally friendly even though I knew that she probably wouldn't get invited back by them as she wasn't particularly in any of the friendship groups Sad - it was quite a cliquey class (because of cliquey parents who arranged playdates based on whose parents they liked best)

Shes got good mates now since the year group was re-shuffled and classes mixed up. But at the time she didn't, not from school anyway

staghunter · 12/07/2016 18:04

My boys are 9 and in the same class (one form entry) and have the exact same friendship group. I would find it very odd if only one were invited to a party. They have always both been invited.

In their specific circumstances it would be a snub to only ask one.

Original poster
IceBoleyn · 12/07/2016 18:05

I'd like to make it clear that my kids are seen as individuals, they do hobbies that they like, watch films that they like and go to places that they like, we've just been very lucky that they tend to like the same things, so it's rare when one wants to do something and the other doesn't. They have separate friends and non separate friends but they have never ever only received one invite. It was a strange occurrence & I honestly regret posting this as most of you are just unbelievably patronising and down right rude.

OP posts:
DiddlySqeak · 12/07/2016 18:07

OP, FairPlay for accepting that you are being unreasonable.

Out of interest, have you been known to ask that your twins are treated as individuals, do you even let people refer to them as 'The Twins' ? Wink

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 12/07/2016 18:09

My boys are 9 and in the same class (one form entry) and have the exact same friendship group. I would find it very odd if only one were invited to a party. They have always both been invited.

In their specific circumstances it would be a snub to only ask one.

What even if it was a really expensive birthday outing (like a theme park) that they were allowed to invite one friend to?

I wouldn't feel obliged to invite both twins to a "bring a best friend" thing just because my child was also friends with their sibling

feathermucker · 12/07/2016 18:10

They're separate children with separate identities. I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now to be honest.

You're being really unfair by not letting one go because the other isn't invited.

They need to learn to exist without one another and to form friendships that might not always include the other one. It won't alter their closeness or relationship with each other in any way at all.

They're twins, yes, but they're also just brothers and you wouldn't expect a sibling to be invited because their sibling is.

m0therofdragons · 12/07/2016 18:10

You've made it to 9 before individual invites? Wow my ID twins are just finishing reception and we've had 6 parties in total that one was invited to and not the other. They're individuals with different friends. Yabu to make people feel obliged to invite both. I love that people see mine separately rather than just "the twins". I have an older dc too. They were in your tummy together but not joined at the hip now.

Hulababy · 12/07/2016 18:12

I'd like to make it clear that my kids are seen as individuals

That's good. And all that's happened here is that a classmate has recognised that they are individuals and chosen one - they probably had a limited guest list - to come to the party.

junebirthdaygirl · 12/07/2016 18:14

You say it's your loud outgoing guy who is asked. When kids are asked to pick kids to invite they immediately remember the guy who is outgoing. I have seen kids invite classmates to parties that they never play with and leave out the one genuine friend they have. Its like when their parents ask for a list they're the ones who come to mind. It must be difficult for you to get one on one time with each one so here's a lovely opportunity to treat your other boy while ye wait to pick up. One on one time is probably kids favourite thing. Remind him his turn will come.

Oldraver · 12/07/2016 18:18

I just thought it was rude, to invite 1 twin & not the other,

No, its rude of you to expect both boys to always be invited together.

They are brothers and individuals. If there was a year between them would you still expect the other sibling to be invited ?

Notso · 12/07/2016 18:21

I think you were incredibly rude to text and ask if your other son was invited.

girlinacoma · 12/07/2016 18:21

My twins were always invited to separate parties - that's a good thing surely?

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