Tight or Justified? Wedding Collection

[GemmaWella81]

The resident office collector is going around asking people to put into one of my colleagues wedding collections. I declined to put in and immediately got questioned why and the obligatory catbum face. My justification is that my colleague invited everyone but 3 people (team of 15) on a hen do abroad. Most people invited did end up going away but I was never invited and as a consequence I don't feel they get should get dollar out of me. I have no issue or bitterness other people going, I'm not that close to the person at all and I think it's tight to expect me to contribute when my presence is not wanted.

Anyway, I'm now being made out as the office scrooge and people are deliberately refusing to answer when I ask why should I.

WwYD?

Seems a bit sour grapes to me. Surely you could have put a few pounds in? If you are not friendly or close with the person then they didn’t have to invite you to the hen. If no-one in the office had been invited to the hen would you have contributed?

I would have still put in.

You say you aren't close to this person, so why would she invite you? Would you have gone?

Personally I don't like these collections. But I don't pick and choose who I put in based on wether they invited me to something. I just keep it the same for everyone.

Yes, had no one gone on the hen would you still contribute? Do you get on with this collegue?

If the answer to these is yes then I agree, very sour grapes. Just stick a fiver in and be done with it.

It's an office collection I'd pop a couple of pounds in even if I wasn't a guest at hen or wedding.

12 out of 15 invited, and you were one of 3 not invited? I totally understand why you didn't give anything.

If no hen do.....unlikely to contribute anyway, they all hang out together and socialize. Im very much aloof from them as I don't like the clique and let them get on with it. They've no time for me and likewise. I suppose my point is why people expect money when you clearly have no relationship with the person asking. I should be allowed to decline and it be accepted with grace.

Sorry you are being tight, we have all sorts of collections at work and I would give irrespective of whether I'd been invited to the retirement/birthday/wedding party.
I don't think you have done yourself any favours with your colleagues, they won't forget it you know!

So generally speaking then... Even though I was one of the ones singled out to not be invited to anything, I should put in anyway? Ok fair enough....

When I asked my friends and OH they completely agreed and 'Damm right, why should you?'. Interesting the difference of opinion.

YANBU. If your presence wasn't wanted, Why should you hand even a pound of your hard earned money
I wouldn't be giving anything either, in those circumstances.
Plus collections are a gift. They're not a tax

Why have you posted this when you have clearly already made up your mind?

I don't know why you seem so offended about being asked to be honest?

Your obviously not really close but seem really put out not to have been asked on Hen?

When I was office based I would throw a couple of pounds in the collection regardless. Even if just a regular colleague and not a friend as such.

It's a general office collection/card signing chuck a couple of quid in type of thing?

I wouldn't have put any money in. They'd take your money but they don't want you there?

Because Diana... I feel I loose either way...

I give then I'm a mug, if I don't then I'm tight.

I wanted to know what others thought. In conversation people I've confided in have fully backed me, yet written down it reads tight to some people.

I out in for all the usual birthdays, charity, special achievements. I made a particular stand on this one as I was excluded.

In theory I agree with you, Gemma. Just because you work with them doesn't make them a friend or family member who are the people you would normally buy gifts for to celebrate their marriage. I would actually consider myself a fairly generous person, but I don't know if I would put in unless it's a colleague who is also a friend. Agree with PPs that it won't endear you to your colleagues though.

I out?

I put in....

Autocorrect

Boiled....

I'm not offended at being asked...

More annoyed at the automatic assumption I should put in and no consideration how it's all come across to me.

Excluded?! You've said yourself you don't like them and stay out of the way so why do you care that you didn't go to the hen?

If you put in for birthdays etc then you are really just goong to come across as jealous and petty to your team and you'll never be asked to anything ever again!

I wouldn't give anything to a wedding I wasn't part of . I would sign a card or such, but no one should be obligated to give towards an acquaintance for any reason (bar leaving do, if well liked).

I out in for all the usual birthdays, charity, special achievements. I made a particular stand on this one as I was excluded.

Ah, I think that changes things a bit.

I would put in as I would to any colleague's collection. My relationship with them would dictate the amount I'd give. The lack of invitation is irrelevant in this case imo.

Agree

Quite

You've made this a little personal.