Tight or Justified? Wedding Collection

[GemmaWella81]

The resident office collector is going around asking people to put into one of my colleagues wedding collections. I declined to put in and immediately got questioned why and the obligatory catbum face. My justification is that my colleague invited everyone but 3 people (team of 15) on a hen do abroad. Most people invited did end up going away but I was never invited and as a consequence I don't feel they get should get dollar out of me. I have no issue or bitterness other people going, I'm not that close to the person at all and I think it's tight to expect me to contribute when my presence is not wanted.

Anyway, I'm now being made out as the office scrooge and people are deliberately refusing to answer when I ask why should I.

WwYD?

If they're already an arsey little clique then you're not losing anything are you? Fuck them and their self righteous shite, it's not like you're suddenly losing 12 friends are you? What did the other two excluded girls do, out of interest?

If you arent close i think just put a couple of quid in. Surely you still wish her well?
its nothing to do with who went on the holiday.

Totally on board with you. She is a colleague not a friend, you don't care you weren't invited and it should work both ways, she shouldn't care that you didn't put in the collection. Although in my experience of an office group like that, they will now probably make your work days hell

She excluded you from her hen and your not even close with her. I certainly wouldn't bother and use the money to buy myself a bottle of wine! I can't stand office politics and bitchyness. Your not being sour at all just honest

I work in a small team (12 people) in a large office. I don't really socialise with them outside of work but spend a lot of time with them at work. So I would absolutely want to wish them well for their wedding or a new baby and contribute to a collection at work even though I would never expect to be invited as a guest. It's the normal thing to do. Other colleagues outside my immediate team I take a view on depending on how well I know them. I think your attitude is a bit strange to be honest. You have said yourself you wouldn't expect to be invited yet seem put out by it.

I think that as you generally give to collections, that by declining to on this ocassion will be perceived as nothing other than a personal slight.

If it were me, I'd have chucked in a couple of pounds and signed the card with best wishes in the same way that I I would for any other work colleague's wedding, baby, retirement, special birthday etc collection.

If however I had a stand against all collections unless I was a particular friend/supporter of the charity/etc then I don't imagine anyone would think twice about non-contributors.

Is the whip round a northern thing perhaps?

No has happened in all the central London offices I've worked in too.

I worked in a start up department of 15 people - which grew to over 100 within the three years I was there. We did collections at the beginning (with envelopes not Dick Turpin style)but not long before I left we agreed to change it from whole office to just immediate colleagues as it was getting to the point we hadn't a clue who half the people were. I was amazed to get what was clearly a whole office collection when I left as not only did we have the new agreement but I also jobshared so worked 3 days a week. It was quite nice though after all the darn collections I'd chipped in for though !

Justified under your circumstances. If I don't like someone, I would sign the card but not put any money in the collection.

You could always put your empty hand in the collection, give the envelope a shake so the coins chink together and it sounds like you contributed, when in fact you did not!!!

You should have done the sleight of hand thing. Ask them to leave the collection with you while you get some money ready, and pretend to put some in, then hand it back.

Years ago I worked in a office with a "office collector". She would count the money in the envelope after each person had contributed, (not right in front of them!) and used to tell me when someone hadn't given what she thought they should. (Very little was expected from me as I was a student.)

I'm leaning towards YANBU.
I've come across work colleagues who bang on about their special occasions, expecting the gift that comes with it from a work collection but tight as f*k when it comes to putting in to anyone else's collection. Sadly I do 'react' to people like this and my donation or lack of reflects this.

I go by the following:

Colleague but not friend - a couple of quid for whatever collection is.
Colleague and friend - minimum £10 ( though this goes up if it is a bigger event for them - marriage or baby).

Whether they have invited me to something or not is irrelevant as they'd always fall into one of the above categories - either just a colleague, or a friend as well. I wouldn't expect just a colleague to invite me to such a personal event, so I wouldn't feel excluded when they didn't invite me either.

I didn't invite any of my colleagues to my hen do or wedding last year. I'd been in the job about 6 months only. They still did a whip round for me, which was completely unexpected but very much appreciated. It was a really lovely gesture on their part :)

It should be voluntary and someone shouldn't go round collecting - they should just say, here's the envelope, put in if you want.

There have been four retirements in the past six months at my current workplace. An email goes out with an invitation to everyone for the party and it mentions that person X "will be collecting contributions" and to "see her", as in. go to her office. Someone else usually comes around with the card so anyone can sign with no pressure to contribute at all. I must be lucky in my workplace.

I didn't put into a retirement collection today because the person retiring is rude & I don't like her!

Sod that! Why would you contribute? Freeloading chancers.

tea the person who is getting married is not a freeloader? They have not arranged their own collection, this has been arranged by colleagues who want to wish them well. It's perfectly normal for works to have collections for birthdays/weddings/babies etc... You surely don't give to get something in return? The lack of invitation to the hen (and I'm assuming wedding?) has nothing to do with the gift

Yanbu - I wouldn't have shelled out for it either.

Wow, collections work very differently here. People contribute if they want to contribute. There is no pressure at all.

The downside of that is that it usually ends up being the person who organises it, forking out entirely! A work friend turned 40 last week, and the bottle of bubbly was paid for by me. Same thing when my manager turned 50 last year.

I do not feel bad/tight for not contributing to the collections of people I barely know.

YANBU, and I'm surprised by the responses you're getting. Especially as you've said you contribute to other collections.

TBH I think you were unreasonable - but mostly because of the reason you gave. Collections are one of those things that are part of office politics, like tea runs. You don't have to join in, but it makes things much more pleasurable for you and your team if you do. In 10yrs plus of collections I put in £5 or more for my friends and immediate team members, £3 for practically everyone else and £1/1.50 for the ones I don't like, but I have to deal with regularly. I think I've only declined on 2 or 3 occasions for new members I haven't ever spoken to, such as when I came back from mat leave and there was a new team on my floor.

Op could you not have just said I've sorted something out myself and then given the girl a cheap card?

However, your claims to 'stand aloof' from them don't paint you in the best possible light, so for that you are a tad U.

Sorry hit post too quick. I meant to say or pretend you've forgotten the card.

I do think the person running the collection was very unreasonable to ask you why not though. Not sure if I would be that bold.

With things like this you need to have a blanket policy of either always giving or never giving, not choose based on who it is because that seems quite mean, really.

trafalgar some offices In London do this yes and you're expected to give whenever and whatever.

YADNBU OP don't feel pressurised. No rules to say you have to get on with your colleagues, be invited on her hen do etc and you certainly shouldn't have to explain yourself to your colleagues! They're the ones being rude here not you.

Despite my better judgment, if I was in that situation then I would have done the same as you. YABU but I would have also been unreasonable.

I think choosing to give or not give based on who it is, is perfectly reasonable. It's a request not a bloody order!