Tight or Justified? Wedding Collection

[GemmaWella81]

The resident office collector is going around asking people to put into one of my colleagues wedding collections. I declined to put in and immediately got questioned why and the obligatory catbum face. My justification is that my colleague invited everyone but 3 people (team of 15) on a hen do abroad. Most people invited did end up going away but I was never invited and as a consequence I don't feel they get should get dollar out of me. I have no issue or bitterness other people going, I'm not that close to the person at all and I think it's tight to expect me to contribute when my presence is not wanted.

Anyway, I'm now being made out as the office scrooge and people are deliberately refusing to answer when I ask why should I.

WwYD?

Lazy but OP and her colleague obviously don't particularly like each other. If your reasoning was to be followed then everyone (including bride to be colleague) should invite others on out of work outings to keep the peace and for money for collections if they leave. Leaving is slightly different though as you should do this. In this instance it's for a bloody wedding present! Which bride to be probably wouldn't notice if op had contributed or not unless other colleagues tell her, which of course would be really petty and mean.

I dont ever put in money when I
a) Dislike the person
b) Dont really know the person
c) Am absolutely skint.
d) They have severly pissed me off.

I find there is a collection regularly and i get fed up with it. Unless its someone i really want to give to, i dont.
Don't bother.

I think this is one of those things where it's good form to suck it up and give a donation. Doesn't have to be much, but it's in the name of team spirit and all that. It looks rather pointed if you don't and creates unnecessary aggro.

Are you always such a people pleaser shove?!

This is for a wedding gift too not like the colleague is leaving. Even then....

I don't have much team spirit when it comes to being asked for money for collections or sponsorship. We have regular collections at our large workplace and I only put in if I really know the person well. Otherwise I'd just be contributing to some random person's Pandora charm every five minutes.

I won't put money in if I don't want to.

YANBU.

I'm not a people pleaser. I prefer to avoid unpleasantness if a small amount of cash will see it off. It's super cheap at the price.

I'm completely with you. I wouldn't put in either. Yes it does make a difference whether you were invited to hen or not - the bride clearly doesn't consider u close enough to invite so why should she expect money from you? I think it's completely inconsiderate of the office team to treat you differently - there is no rule that says you have to put money in and nor do you have to justify it.

'Kindness, is a strength although you seem to perceive it as a weakness.
It is much more challenging to hold your tongue and speak/give positively toward others, especially those who have mistreated you. Being kind is more challenging but the more honourable action.'

Why thank you, Yoda, but giving can cost money, and a lot of people have precious little to spare. Even people with high incomes can have quite a few outgoings. Pretty unfair to label those who don't contribute unkind. Honour doesn't put food on the table or pay the rent.

This is why I'm glad our office just puts an envelope by the signing in book and everyone is told who/what it is there for and no one is personally asked/pressured to contributing.

I think it's entirely up to you if you put money in a collection like this or not, and you shouldn't have to justify it.

Work place collections are a bit of a minefield.. I don't think you are unreasonable. It can be hard having to put your hard earned cash in time after time. I have had to put in on multiple occasions for colleagues, new house, engagement, wedding baby all for the same people . It soon mounts up.

Yanbu. You've been excluded, you don't owe anything.

I think the distinction between hen and work became blurred when 4/5 of the office was invited to the hen do (and presumably the wedding). Yadnbu.

I would have put a pound in.
I know it is not right.
It has nothing to do with right or wrong.
Or even ability to afford.
But you deserve to feel happy and comfortable.
And not giving has affected you.
You are worth a pound of your own money.
And I give very generously when the collection is for a good friend.

I can't be bothered with office collections, if I want to get someone a gift I do. I really see no need for you to put your hard earned cash into any collection that you don't want to. You aren't close to your colleagues and don't need to be.

You shouldn't be browbeaten into contributing towards a gift for someone who isn't your friend and who you don't get on with as a colleague. There's no reason at all why you should have put any money in.

I totally agree with you, why should you have to give your hard earned money to people who make a point of not including you in things even if its just a couple of quid. Im constantly asked at work to contribute money towards peoples birthdays etc an i always say no, been at that company 9 years an no one has ever got me anything so why should i give for them

Your colleague sounds like a twat and I feel your pain having been the only member of a team of 20 not invited to a colleagues wedding, but personally I'd put in 20p so I could sign the envelope and make sure to use up lots of space on the card writing a huge passive aggressive message of congratulations.

YANBU

Have they ever had a collection for you for any reason?

YANBU. I wouldn't have put in either. They were very rude to ask you why.

No way would I have put in!! YWDNBU

I wouldn't give either
You weren't included in the event or anything else but invited to handover money ? Not about being bitter but it's a gift so no one should comment if u don't want to it's not a binding in your contract ! I choose wisely where all my money goes it's to expensive to give the odd fiver to something ur not involved in or interested in !

Love it !

Actually that's a very good point you make !