Tight or Justified? Wedding Collection

[GemmaWella81]

The resident office collector is going around asking people to put into one of my colleagues wedding collections. I declined to put in and immediately got questioned why and the obligatory catbum face. My justification is that my colleague invited everyone but 3 people (team of 15) on a hen do abroad. Most people invited did end up going away but I was never invited and as a consequence I don't feel they get should get dollar out of me. I have no issue or bitterness other people going, I'm not that close to the person at all and I think it's tight to expect me to contribute when my presence is not wanted.

Anyway, I'm now being made out as the office scrooge and people are deliberately refusing to answer when I ask why should I.

WwYD?

YANBU and She was rude to question your lack of contribution. If you don't know them well or are in any way friendly with them you shouldnt feel obliged and she was cheeky to even ask tbh. Why should working in close proximity to someone you have nothing in common with/no relationship mean you give money?
I must be considered tight as I think the '£2 everyone chucks in for peace sake' could buy my sons Ninjago magazine or a coffee for me on the way home or maybe I'm just skint I am choosey and generous.

YANBU. if it was a massive office with say half invited and uninvited then fair enough for you to contribute but to only not invite 3 people seems like exclusion to me.

I struggle a lot with this - working with adults in the UK often feels like been with teenagers.

I'm sure she cannot be close to all the 12 invited and people should consider people's emotions rather than just thinking about themselves when alienating those who are not 'part of the group'.
It sounds like a sad place to work tbh unless you are a really argumentative type or maybe a senior manager they didn't want to go away with.

I hate these collections. It's almost expected. It gets expensive. Tell them to piss off.

YANBU. I worked in an overall large department. When the collection envelopes came through my office, I'd write the name of the department on the envelope and refused to allow inclusion of the individual names of the staff donating. Interestingly, other offices began to follow suit.
One of my staff was a devout JW and obviously declined to be included in Christmas, birthdays etc. Another was a struggling single parent with limited cash to spare. The overall large department had hundreds of staff working there. These envelopes passing from office to office were a regular occurrence.
The whole present buying/receiving business is bloody divisive and whilst I'm very happy for staff to mingle outside of the office, inside work, we're all on the same team.

Where I work the collections are done on a fairly anonymous basis. Cards are sometimes passed around for signing, but when it's a bigger occasion and a collection is being taken, the whole thing is put into a big envelope and left on a secretarys desk. You can then either chose to ignore, sign the card and / or put some money in without being watched over. So there isn't any business of catsbums faces about your choice of money or lack of! I would find it embarrassing to have to put money in with somebody watching me, as you might not want to contribute or you only have a £10 note and it sounds really tight to ask for change!,

If it's someone I really dislike I don't sign the card nor put into the collection. If its someone im ok with ill stick in a pound or two. I see why you felt you didn't want to contribute however for the sake of looking like a miser would it not be easier to stic a pound in or two and shut everyone up?

YANBU! Collections are voluntary and there should be no pressure whatsoever to contribute or even state whether you have contributed! It sounds like you work with a bunch of bullies. Stick to your guns but try not to make a big deal about it otherwise you could feel very alienated which would be horrible for you. Good luck! :)

Really surprised at some of the replies here! It's not obligatory to contribute to any office collection. I wouldn't give anything towards a gift to someone I wasn't particularly friendly with.

I completely agree with you. I wasn't expecting all the other answers not to, and a lot of them are a bit harsh xx.

I agree with you actually, although it doesn't sound as if you're a particularly friendly person. Being aloof reads as 'looks down nose at' to me. But if you're not bothered about fitting in, that's not really a problem. It will stop you being invited to stuff though.

I'd have chucked a couple of quid in I think.

Where I work we all receive a group text that there's a card to sign and a collection envelope in the secretary's desk. She sends out a second reminder on the last day. No one has to contribute and no one knows who put in how much. Obviously you don't sign the card if you haven't though.

There are times when a collection comes round and I think who? So I don't put in. It should be your choice whether or not you put in. Some people in my workplace have 6 holidays a year, designer clothes, new cars. There are weeks I'm lucky if I can put food on the table so some times I don't have the money to put in and I don't expect to be judged for it. I think it's your decision and it should be respected either way

A collection for somebody's wedding? Never heard of it. Is it for an office gift?

I used to contribute to all he's things regardless. Every birthday, baby, wedding, leaving etc. Then I had a baby and there was no collection, no card, nothing.

I no longer contribute as I assume i must be universally disliked already (for no reason I am aware of). I will sign a card if it crosses my desk, but my hand doesn't go in my pocket. I will buy something individually for the colleagues I consider friends but not for the general populous.

Betty it was quite the done thing in one of my last jobs (PA in architects) to contribute to all the weddings, new baby etc. we all bought a nice gift for all these occasions.

It wouldn't have been frowned upon if you didn't give but as it was a nice office then everyone did give, there was a sort of expectation.

Sara what I do if I don't have change and have a big note is either take change myself (never been a problem when I or someone else does this) or I say to them can I come back later when I do have change. Often cards and collections are sometimes left to be passed round and dealt with but left so you can contribute and write in card at your leisure.

I would've grudgingly put a few quid in just to avoid being back stabbed and called tight, but I'd have felt cowardly and annoyed with myself. You stood your ground which is brave. In my office things are often very last minute so the collection is the wrong way round - a present is bought first, usually by a friend of the person, then the cost is divided up and we are all asked to pay the same (so no sneaking whatever loose change you have into the envelope!). I do resent being told to pay a set amount when often am not close to the person getting the gift! It should be what you want or can afford to contribute then buy the present with what's in the collection.

Don't feel you have to contribute if you don't want to. I have no difficulty saying no. I like to choose my own charities and have my own friends. Doesn't sound like you are losing much in terms of friendships anyway.
If the current atmosphere is cool and you can live with that well and good. However if you think it is in your best long term interest to go with the flow and donate a token amount you can console yourself with the thought that had you been invited to the hen do it would have cost considerably more.

Not read all the replies, but what has being invited to the hen do or not got to do with if you put into the collection?!
Surely if you're only colleagues and not close friends you wouldn't have gone to the hen night anyway?!
I'd have treated the collection like I would have done with any birthday or leaving collection. Put a token amount of money in.
Not think "actually, I won't put in as they haven't invited me to their birthday party.."