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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Ladies first'

214 replies

AddToBasket · 20/05/2016 22:13

A male colleague said this to a female colleague today and I instinctively bristled.

FC: On you go
MC: No, no, you go. Ladies first. [stands back, FC passes]

Me (internal monologue) - errrr, aaaahhhhhh.

MC is generally lovely, FC was oblivious and thinking about other stuff. Neither even noticed the exchange. AIBU for being a bit bothered?

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 20/05/2016 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doinmummy · 20/05/2016 22:14

I think it's a nice thing to say.

AuntJane · 20/05/2016 22:16

Good manners are such bad form .....

flappingbingowings · 20/05/2016 22:16

Would you prefer it if he just let the door slam in your face?

Ameliablue · 20/05/2016 22:17

Yabu

seeyounearertime · 20/05/2016 22:17

I thought holding a door for a woman was basic good manners? I always hold doors, I had no idea that I have been offending women all these years.

NatashaRomanoff · 20/05/2016 22:17

I really, really wish this sort of shit was all I had to get worked up about.

Sparklingbrook · 20/05/2016 22:18

No bristling here.

passmethewineplease · 20/05/2016 22:18

YABU.

Isn't this just a courteous thing to do?

PurpleDaisies · 20/05/2016 22:19

I thought holding a door for a woman was basic good manners?
Holding the door for anyone is basic good manners.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 20/05/2016 22:19

You are right! It was just 'being polite'. MC was just being nice.

I suppose I'm posting about it because I am conflicted. Pleasantry - but based on gender...

OP posts:
steff13 · 20/05/2016 22:20

I think it's polite. Plus, then I get to go first. :)

KellyElly · 20/05/2016 22:20

I would think it was someone being nice and polite. Nothing else.

wigglesrock · 20/05/2016 22:21

Just to be clear this wasn't said to you, you just overheard it and it's still bothering you.

Original poster
AddToBasket · 20/05/2016 22:21

I really, really wish this sort of shit was all I had to get worked up about.

Hmm Well, if you're so busy with life's problems why are you bothering with this thread?! Grin

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 20/05/2016 22:21

I hate touching door handles so I'd be pleased but that's a whole other issue !!

Thudercatsrule · 20/05/2016 22:21

Id just think he's a gentlemen...99% of the guys where I work would either let it slam in your face or push you out the way!

Aeroflotgirl · 20/05/2016 22:22

Its polite and good manners.

NicknameUsed · 20/05/2016 22:22

Are you always this easily offended?

I really CBA to get worked up about this, so YABU.

KellyElly · 20/05/2016 22:23

I would think it was someone being nice and polite. Nothing else.

ABCAlwaysBeCunting · 20/05/2016 22:24

In the lifts at work, 99.9% of the male occupants will let the female ones out first. I am a feminist, but in all honesty, this is a battle I'm not interested in fighting. I say thank you and exit. The same with doors being held open for me. I consider it basic courtesy and to throw it back at them is rude.

buckingfrolicks · 20/05/2016 22:25

It's sexist from when "ladies" weren't thought to be capable of opening a door. It's the word lady that pisses me off. Lady is an old fashioned distinction between women who laboured (working class) and women who did not labour (mc and above).

NicknameUsed · 20/05/2016 22:25

I knew someone would be along to say it better than I did.

Thank you ABC Smile

Original poster
AddToBasket · 20/05/2016 22:26

Obviously, I am not 'worked up about this'/offended! Grin I'm just, y'know, thinking about it.

The bit I'm 'bothered about' is the 'ladies first' comment. I think I said in my OP that MC was being pleasant.

Not overly keen on 'ladies' (a bit Muirfield-esque) to start.

OP posts:
gingerboy1912 · 20/05/2016 22:27

Yabu he was just being polite and ladies first is just a phrase used in the uk a bit like age before beauty which is a jokey one. I don't think it still has its original meaning anymore. As a fit mobile person I would automatically open a door and let any older, younger, pregnant, disabled people through first as well as my peers, my parents, or grandparents through the door first just out of politeness and social conditioning.