'Ladies first'

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A male colleague said this to a female colleague today and I instinctively bristled.

FC: On you go
MC: No, no, you go. Ladies first. [stands back, FC passes]

Me (internal monologue) - errrr, aaaahhhhhh.

MC is generally lovely, FC was oblivious and thinking about other stuff. Neither even noticed the exchange. AIBU for being a bit bothered?

It immediately conjured up for me a young lady in stilettos, tightish, short dress (so takes little steps in a 'feminine' way), and a not tall and a non-eloquent man trying to do his best.
Then the lady (or transgender MtF) can't complain as she is dressing in a v female way.
If I consider a 6ft more mature lady in flatties and a trouser suit I imagine it is said in a jokey manner. Or if the lady is in a more senior role.
If it is a man trying to demean the lady then it's him who has the issues. A raised eyebrow could be the reaction.
What's to stop any lady reaching the door first saying 'Gents first' would anyone care or comment, I woudlnt' think so.

Imv the use of woman instead of lady is an Americanism. Do they use gentleman/gents over there, I think they do, so perhaps feminists have removed lady from the vocab, but gent remains (not in the case of toilets where it's W orM)

I do not consider lady and Americanism. It's from OLD ENGLISH.

Funny I just drove past this and thought of MN. Do you have this advert in the UK?

And as an aside, isn't it the most revolting looking sandwich ever!

I don't like the implications of 'chivalry' because it's not a game I'm allowed to play, being exclusively courtesy from men to women

Exactly! Because holding doors is a nice thing to do right? But when I do it for men it leads to so much awkwardness.

I think I will give it another go at work and see what happens. As a social experiment

He has lovely manners. I always thank such a nice man a real gentleman nd give them a smile.

Oh get over yourself. It's basic manners. Would you complain on a sinking ship if someone said women and children first and refuse your place in a lifeboat. this sort of over the top complaining/first world problem is what gives women's rights a bad name. The poor guy was just being polite. Hopefully he lets the door slam in your face next time

"I dislike the word woman because it means wife of a man wo man."

My understanding is that it does actually mean "female human"..in those Olde Englishy Germanic days.

"Wifman" meant female human and "werman" male human.

So man by itself meant human (I've also heard its roots were in "thinking".) Which is why Werwolf means man-wolf.

So far so equal. But then werman dropped the wer and became simply "man" (and colonised generic humankind too) whilst wifman mutated to both woman (all dandy) and wife (not so dandy?).

Feel free to correct if wrong

I'm a feminist but I can't see anything here which intrinsically implies weakness or inferiority on the woman's part.

It's just manners/culture

"Hopefully he lets the door slam in your face next time"

Why why WHY is the choice always between benevolent sexism and hostile sexism?!

The OP isn't being mean. She didn't make any nasty comment to him. She is simply thinking it over with us.

Why are women never allowed to just discuss these things in a peaceful manner without the hyperbolic accusations of over-thinking and under-gratitude?

YABU, the guy was being polite. I have no problem with this, I don't mind being called love or darling either, it's the manner that it's said in that counts. By the way I am referring to both sexes using those terms. What counts is being nice to each other. Turn your attention to the old fashioned fools at Muirfield if you really want an argument.

You should have responded with "No, no, no, shit before the shovel". Seeing as that is quite obviously your opinion of him and his pesky good manners I simply cannot fathom how you could get so worked up about this.

I love a man with manners, send him over here if you don't want him!

It was lovely manners, I would be grateful for anyone holding a door open for me. male or female. Very polite.

My DF always reminds me of the story of his days at Uni and "that feminist brigade" who banged on about equality and then expected the men to hold doors open for them... The saying cake and eat it springs to mind. To him any way.

I hope I can teach my DS to be as polite as your MC. DF still likes to walk on the outside of any ladies/ women/ female of the species he happens to be with. DH does the same and I knew i'd found "the one" when he did that. I do it for DS.

Is a wifwolf a female warewolf?

He's just trying to be a gentleman. Let him get on with it!

betsy where do you live?

I really hope we don't get that advert here Betsy, MN might explode!

I like a bit of chivalry. It works in my favour having blokes open doors and carry heavy shit, I really wish women woudk stop complaining about men just being nice, you have the potential to ruin it for the rest of us!

Whatever the history, I very much doubt that many (any?) men in this day and age hold doors open for women whilst consciously thinking "you're far too weak and inferior to open a door for yourself". I expect most do it without thinking, because they have been brought up to believe it is polite. Probably by their mother.

There are many aspects of life where blatant and deliberate sexism exists, but I don't feel this is one of then.

men being nice and shouldering heavy tasks is NOT sexist - this is the trouble with a lot of current feminist thought. What we fought for in the 1960s /1970s was equality - being able to take out a mortgage, equal pay and rights at work - not this nonsense

I hold the door open for anyone including my cat and he's a right arrogant bastard.

Too much time on hands to be even thinking about this.

I'm in the ME but I'm told this campaign is from the US

Totally agree with Mollie= as a young feminist I struggled to lift heavy tables because I felt I needed to be treated like a man. I would have argued all needed to be equal but actually me lifting a heavy table was not equal to a taller stronger man lifting it!

I think it is great men are taught to be respectful of women BUT we should all be respectful of others. So I would omit 'ladies first' and use 'after you'.

The girl term 'girl' is used by some people in a negative way and it is that use of the word that needs to be challenged not the word 'girl'. Likewise the word 'lady'=

Totally off point but for whoever was talking about American English... it actually seems to use some older uses of words and grammer. Just as the French spoken in Canada is more 'old fashioned' than the French spoken in France (so I am told). I remember hearing Americans use phrased I had heard on Pride and Prejudice! I am pretty sure words like 'male' as opposed to 'post' are older on the use in English. Likewise 'have' as opposed to 'have got' but happy to be proved wrong!

Grief. Sometimes this place is bonkers.

I like it and think its good manners. I also hold doors open for people. Ive not heard ladies first in a long time, except in a jokey manner, I usually hear "after you".
Ive noticed the men at work who do this tend to be polite to everyone, ie opening doors for other men, not just women.