'Ladies first'

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A male colleague said this to a female colleague today and I instinctively bristled.

FC: On you go
MC: No, no, you go. Ladies first. [stands back, FC passes]

Me (internal monologue) - errrr, aaaahhhhhh.

MC is generally lovely, FC was oblivious and thinking about other stuff. Neither even noticed the exchange. AIBU for being a bit bothered?

Is it not from a time when gentleman treated ladies in a deferential manner - women were not too weak to open the doors, they were too awesome (and still are) and basically the men were 'waiting on' them. I have an over-inflated sense of importance so happy for anyone to hold a door open for me. I also expect DH to carry things for me. Not cos I can't, just I can't be bothered

ego welcome back.

If it helps, potatoes is all for discrimination, if it means she isn't bothered by things.

ego

I explained that I do have to help my husband with maths.

palmer care to elaborate? Are you really suggesting that holding a door open for a lady is discrimination?

I think it's a bit smarmy when the man says ladies first. It is usually the most sexist men who say it. I'd rather push you through the door first and earn the same thanks.

OBVIOUSLY I don't feel like this when people just say 'after you' or motion you to go ahead. But there is something a bit condescending about 'LAYDEEEEZ first'.

That's great. You do realise that there are people who assume that women can't do things and need help

I do. Happily I'm yet to meet one. I'm not quite sure how I've got through nearly 40 years without coming across them and it does make me a little sceptical when reading the feminist posts here.

I've noticed that women who work in more senior roles and traditionally male dominated sectors don't seem to notice of this day-to-day sexism be it having a door held open for them or something that could actually be sexism. I'm not trolling or 'victim blaming' (though I'm no doubt someone will say I am) but I wonder if it's a feeling of inferiority that makes some ladies look for sexism where none exists. Those who are secure in themselves and their achievements are happy to take a friendly gesture at face value.

palmer going to elaborate or simply insult?

Oh dear, the maths thing. I hope no one, whatever their views on doors and seats, is promulgating this 'maths is hard' thing to their daughters, or their sons.
All that's needed is for maths to be properly taught, by a teacher who understands the concepts, right from the beginning. If anything the early stages of maths are even more important than those of literacy.
I've heard (in the past) head teachers threaten extra maths as a punishment, never extra reading or, for example, extra geography.

herecomes I am afraid I could introduce you to several who work in my male dominated place of work....where I am indeed secure in my own achievements and yet perceive this everyday sexism all the time.

I get comments on what I am wearing, when none of my male colleagues do, I get comments on other aspects of my appearance with none of my male colleagues do, someone one once attempted to 'help' me in a meeting by saying 'let the poor girl speak'...nobody would dream of referring to the men in the meeting as 'poor boy', I have people who apologise for swearing in front of me, when they would just get on with it in front of male colleagues, I have students who don't use my title because they assume I can't be a member of the faculty because of my gender.....I would go on but I'm boring myself...

Starting to understand why someone founded the national association of calling people bitchy names for bikini line waxing on. Every. Single. Thread. Ever.

I work for myself - periodically on projects when I'm well enough. I work a lot with men. I like working with men and the men I contract to do the work like working with me. Not because I'm beautiful or young or skinny (I'm mid 40's and overweight). I have worked with men, who've treated me like I am inferior because of my gender and they sure as hell won't get work from me again. I see being my gender and my femininity as an advantage and use it as such but definitely not in a flirty way. These men have respect for me and I have respect for them.

The population is made up of different genders. Neither one is superior as we are all individuals with our individual talents and foibles. The ladies first argument is, I believe, self effacing. Choosing a particular phrase like this is diluting the message I would want to get across is that we are all human beings and we are all equals.

I'm fairly senior and have been for a while now, I've mostly worked for the public sector so not that male dominated (except for the top usually) but my profession is fairly male dominated and it's not unusual to find myself the only women or one of a very small group in the room at professional events. I've not had too many issues with blatant sexism, and when younger would probably have said that the equality war had been won because I personally hadn't experienced too many problems. Of course I met sexist people, but I thought that was really just their problem, and easy for me to overcome, or I thought it was just older dinosaur types who were all in the process of dying off. Sure there was a fair bit of irritating benevolent sexism, but it's relatively easy to dismiss as unimportant (as seen here).

It wasn't until I had a son and a daughter and saw how very differently they were treated from tiny babies to teens that I opened my eyes.

I don't mind being called a lady. Whether or not I am one is a matter for discussion