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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you miss a really important 'social' or 'sporting' engagement to see your child....

206 replies

Vagabond · 19/05/2016 16:22

I play in a Friday morning sporting competition which is quite competitive and serious and which is played in teams and for which we all pay money to participate in. Most players (not all) are mums.

Recently, in the last few years, there has been a real increase in mums being invited with a few days notice to attend Friday morning school assembly to watch their child win a 'merit' award. (primary school). Some of these awards are for "being determined" "being friendly" or "trying hard".

I might be a total cow but I think if you've committed to a team event, a school assembly for such trivial and meaningless awards shouldn't take priority over the team you committed to.

I'm seeing lots of messages on our group FB page saying "my precious Blakey is getting an award for friendliness and I couldn't bear not to see his sweet little face...... sorry to let you all down but these are the moments I can't bear to miss".

MN Jury..... ?

OP posts:
Lazyafternoon · 19/05/2016 16:27

YABVU

It's an opportunity to see your kids in school. It's a rare opportunity to be invited into the environment where they spend most of there waking hours. It's not necessarily about being there to see them get an award (as you say the meaning of the award is irrelevant - every child will get an award for something!), it's about being there for an important moment in your childs life.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 19/05/2016 16:29

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Mrsmorton · 19/05/2016 16:31

YANBU

BaboonBottom · 19/05/2016 16:31

I'd go to the assembly if possible, might not be much to you but to the child it's a big deal. They do notice if their parents not there and others are.

EatShitDerek · 19/05/2016 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UptownFunk00 · 19/05/2016 16:32

Imho it depends how often these sporting competitions are. Every other week? Missing one fair enough.

Every year? I'd feel like I was letting the team down, yes.

But YABU to state what other parents should/should not do but YANBU in relation to yourself.

AChickenCalledKorma · 19/05/2016 16:32

Yes. I sing in a choir and there are times when I pull out of events because my family is more important. I try to choose events when I won't totally be letting people down. But sometimes you have to choose and if it's very important to my child that I'm there, I may choose them.

storybrooke · 19/05/2016 16:32

Wow. Yabvvu Hmm

andintothefire · 19/05/2016 16:33

I don't think you are being particularly unreasonable. The mothers are letting the rest of the team down, and they should only do so if they have good reason. Some school events are undoubtedly important (eg carol concerts, school plays) but I sort of agree that merit awards at weekly assemblies are a bit OTT.

Though actually I think it is the schools being unreasonable and very unfair to working parents (and children of working parents) by giving out awards at such an inconvenient time. Why can't they just do it once a term and give parents enough notice to take time off work / other commitments without letting people down?

AChickenCalledKorma · 19/05/2016 16:33

Maybe you need a big enough team that there is flexibility for people to drop out.

DelphiBlue · 19/05/2016 16:33

Oh dear you sound mean! Presumably you were a child once OP? Don't you remember how important these things are to you when you're a kid?

NeedACleverNN · 19/05/2016 16:34

I think it's the parents choice.

I would much rather see my child being presented an award. My dh couldn't care less and would make a big fuss of it at home instead and attend his hobby if he had one

SirChenjin · 19/05/2016 16:35

Yes of course I'd go if I could. I take time off work for these things - try and think of it that way. They might not be important to you - but they are important to the child. All about the priorities.

JasperDamerel · 19/05/2016 16:35

This is missing an event which happens every week for a one-off in school? YABU.

If it's an even that happens a couple of times a year, then it's not such a big deal.

Arfarfanarf · 19/05/2016 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgeOfEarthquakes · 19/05/2016 16:36

Gosh that's very aggressive Procrastinator. I agree with you actually OP. And not just because I find achievers assembly as boring as fuck.

I will go if I am able, but if I have a prior commitment - be it work or something else then I won't. I make a big fuss if my child at home instead. So far no lasting damage appears to have been done.

Sallystyle · 19/05/2016 16:37

YANBU

I have missed a few of these for various reasons throughout the years. Some of the times I could have gone but put something else first. I have also been to more than I've not been to.

I just congratulate them and they get to decide what they want for tea as a celebration and have ice-cream after. They are more than fine about it.

It's an opportunity to see your kids in school. It's a rare opportunity to be invited into the environment where they spend most of there waking hours.

Rare? Not in my school. I always get invited for something. Assemblies, attendance rewards, start of the week awards, 20 minutes reading in the afternoons and the list goes on. I get to spend plenty of time in their environment even if I do miss the odd assembly.

JasperDamerel · 19/05/2016 16:37

My last sentence made no sense. I meant that if it's an occasional event, then missing it is a bigger deal and you are possibly reasonable.

AnnPerkins · 19/05/2016 16:39

YANBU.

andintothefire · 19/05/2016 16:39

Don't you remember how important these things are to you when you're a kid?

My schools definitely didn't give out awards at weekly assemblies which parents were expected or even invited to attend! I remember getting awards either in school assemblies (with no parents present) or once a year at a speech day which was held with plenty of notice.

The more I think about it, the more cross I am with the schools for doing this. There will be lots of children whose parents simply won't be able to attend. Personally I agree with ESD's approach.

DickCheese · 19/05/2016 16:41

I'm assuming it's voluntary and as such I would say they're perfectly entitled to do that.

Original poster
Vagabond · 19/05/2016 16:42

Jeez, I get told to FUCK OFF over this? Procrastinator.... please feel welcome to have an opinion but to tell someone else to fuck off!! Are you serious?! I hate to sound like my mother but, how dare you say that to someone who is asking a question? What are you even thinking! That is insane.

I welcome opinions, which is why I asked the question.

To be told to fuck off? This is a mums forum, right? Procrastinator....you must be so proud of yourself. What a great mum you must be.

My opinion is that these MONTHLY assemblies are a tyranny for mums and that the children get their pride and happiness from their peers - which is the way of life. Not with mummy sitting clapping in the front row every time they get a piece of paper for 'being friendly'

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 19/05/2016 16:42

YANBU

Witchend · 19/05/2016 16:44

Totally agree with Jasper. Missing something that happens every week to go to something that happens twice a year is perfectly reasonable.

In fact I play in a sports team and I had a similar position (all the others pretty much have adult children) and I asked if they'd mind if I went to it, and they all said to go and they would do the sane even now for their adult children.
And actually I'm not that insistent I would go, but the children really want me there (oldest is 15yo so they don't grow out of it) so I go because of that.

As one of them said.. They'd have taken time off work for that sort if thing so of course they'd miss one match out of 52.

KatharinaRosalie · 19/05/2016 16:44

Depends. So is that every Friday? And what happens if someone pulls out, can the others still compete, or do you need to cancel? Does 'commited to event' mean you have to put your name down or something, and they pull out after this?