Would you miss a really important 'social' or 'sporting' engagement to see your child....

[Vagabond]

I play in a Friday morning sporting competition which is quite competitive and serious and which is played in teams and for which we all pay money to participate in. Most players (not all) are mums.

Recently, in the last few years, there has been a real increase in mums being invited with a few days notice to attend Friday morning school assembly to watch their child win a 'merit' award. (primary school). Some of these awards are for "being determined" "being friendly" or "trying hard".

I might be a total cow but I think if you've committed to a team event, a school assembly for such trivial and meaningless awards shouldn't take priority over the team you committed to.

I'm seeing lots of messages on our group FB page saying "my precious Blakey is getting an award for friendliness and I couldn't bear not to see his sweet little face...... sorry to let you all down but these are the moments I can't bear to miss".

MN Jury..... ?

I have been to everything at my children's school. They always look out for the parents. It says a lot about you if you would prioritise a sporting activity over a school assembly.

I am a sahm and go to all these things because my dc would be really upset if I didn't but tbh it really annoys me that schools do so much of this stuff. It is really hard on those kids whose parents can't get shitloads of time off work for trivial reasons. Parents only need to be in school for parents eve, the nativity play or if they need to speak to the teacher about a specific issue. A child can be just as thrilled with an achievement award without the parents needing to be in assembly.

I would go to the thing for my child. If I didn't I would be all weepy and worrying that they might be the only one who didn't have a parent/someone there to see them get their award.

Infact that makes me think..could someone else go in your place/ Grandmother, dad, anyone just so the kids not alone? If so then I wouldn't feel as harsh blowing it off for a sports match.

I think DH & I would juggle it so that he went to assembly on the morning so I could attend my competition (or visa versa). If I was a single parent... I probably couldn't afford competition fees so situation does not apply. :)

It would depend. A random award might seem trivial to some, but to the child it might mean a lot. I rearranged my scan when my DS2 was getting a "X tried very hard this week" award because for my non-sporty and averagely smart son getting an award from his HT at assembly was a massive deal.

I might miss a sport award for DS1 or an academic one for DD1 because they often win things. So it entirely depends on how important it was to the kid.

I totally agree that assemblies and most of the other shit at school are dull as hell, but yes one of us tries to go to everything and yes we do take time off work!
Back in the day parent's weren't invited and that was fine, but they are now and it really dies matter to my ds but to lots of his friends too.
They are little for such a short time its worth it to us as parents

I think that OP probably plays in a local tennis circuit.. either way, I can understand why it's important to you to get the best turnout for each match, but I can also see why mums priorities differ.

You have put a rather sweeping statement about how boring childcare is. . Some may / may not agree.

What do you do about your own children?

I'd miss anything to attend my child's assembly. They look out for you in the audience.

I think it's the sporting event which is "trivial and meaningless", not celebrating your child's achievements.

Last year they invited parents in to have lunch with their (reception) DCs. There were children there crying because their parents hadn't attended. Now fair enough if they were working - can't be avoided and not everybody can take time off. But if they were just doing some hobby? Not on imo.

It's just some shitola tennis or squash ladder thing or something isn't it, not like your one of the Williams sisters who needs to train and play to keep her game up.

I'm not the sentimental type at all but even I balked at your insensitivity.

Thing is they are all probably ladies that lunch. We are not talking regular SAHM we are talking financially secure possibly even wealthy women who are bored shitless so this type of weekly meet up is everything to them.

Yes I would miss an event to see my child getting an award. I may have committed to the team but my commitment to my child is greater and it is important to them that a parent attend. If I was regularly having to miss the team competition though, I would give the team up, but if it is an irregular occurrence that should be OK.

Wow! Such venom towards the OP! 'Glorified coffee morning', 'ladies who lunch' would you characterise a man's team sport like that?

God forbid she's a flexi or part time worker doing a serious sport. Because all womens activities are pissing little pointless nonsense except for those related to childcare, right?

Not mumsnet at its finest, this thread.

would you characterise a man's team sport like that?

Yes i would. because most of them are a joke.
a bunch of overweight middle aged men playing football for their local boozer on a sunday afternoon.

That very important angling competition... sitting next to a river for 8 hours doing fuck all? yeah... real important, far more important then attending your childs assembly.

then of course you have the "men" who spend days on end walking around a field hitting a small white ball.

I swear just about every "male" pass time is little more than an excuse to check out of family life so they dont have to deal with their children and house work.

but i'm ranting... apologies.

Rhi it's not to do with gender, it's just very unlikely to be high level sport on a weekday, unless they are professional. It sounds like a recreational group which in my eyes is less important than a school assembly.

I am waiting for the drip feed that they're hoping for a place at Rio though.

My schools definitely didn't give out awards at weekly assemblies which parents were expected or even invited to attend! I remember getting awards either in school assemblies (with no parents present) or once a year at a speech day which was held with plenty of notice

This. Parents didn't attend and the annual prizegiving was in the evening.

My son's current school has one prizegiving a year - which takes place either in the afternoon for the younger ones or the evening for the older ones. Parents werent; invited to assemblies at his primary schools.

I agree it's totally unreasonable for schools to do this because most parents work. Or have other commitments eg playing in a team. I don't think you are being unreasonable OP.

And as a kid, if I knew my mother and father were busy working or were otherwise busy I would have accepted that they would not be in the assembly anyway.

Children notice, they really do.

Ds had his first nativity play in Dec. The school put on two showings on a Tuesday and Wednesday so that all parents had a chance to see it. We planned to go on the Weds, but had failed to convey to ds that we therefore weren't going on the Tuesday - his expectations had been set by other children whose parents were attending on the first day. He assumed we'd be there too.

He came home on the Tuesday and told us he didn't sing, he didn't want to because we weren't there (he'd been practising for weeks!) Then he refused to talk about it!

Made up for it the following day when we saw his proud, beaming face when he searched for and found us in the audience.

On the whole I think if someone is not attending due to a run of the mill thing, that's a bit unreasonable myself. But if it's an annual thing or something particularly special I could understand it.

We have monthly assemblies where they give out certificates for being friendly or whatever. I don't go to all of them. I prioritise the things like open book day, sports day, sporting events, plays, annual awards.

My dc are just used to us sometimes coming and sometimes not. They don't get upset if we're not there for everything. I think it's what you set up as the norm really. When they're 5 it matters more. When they're 10 not so much - they're sometimes even embarrassed that you've come.

Nothing to do with gender rhi.

The only way the sport should be prioritised over the assembly is its professional, ie your job.

This isn't. There is no professional team in the world made up mostly of mums. Plus the op anyway said she pays to participate. Thus, it's a hobby.

OP here. I live in Australia where women regularly play sport in the mornings in leagues, featuring various sports at varying levels. Golf, tennis, netball etc.. We all pay to participate. Some of us represent our State in national competitions. This is vitally important to us.

As far as I know, nobody on Mumsnet claims to speak for all womankind. And I never claimed to do so. Some weird comments on this thread!

Yes, Bogey, I qualify as a mother. For example, I spend an awful lot of time on my eldest DDs sport. I coach her netball team one night a week, watch her play matches on another evening in the week, this is on top of watching her play on Saturdays in a separate league. So I reckon I spend a lot of time coaching, encouraging, ferrying her and watching her play netball. This is our bond and what we love to do. I would not DREAM of missing one her netball league matches for a Saturday afternoon BBQ with friends. I have frequently missed social events to attend her matches. And I couldn't be convinced otherwise -despite having other parents on hand to fetch and carry. I just wouldn't.

The parents I know who attend these primary school assemblies, with their endless merit awards, also spend countless hours on their children's weekend activities. Most of them spend over 6 hours a weekend on surf-life saving, motor-cross, dance, netball, footie, ...it's endless. The school should Have 4 assemblies a year and give it a rest the rest of the time. It's just too much!

Being a mum is great but for god's sake....give parents a break from these endless opportunities for children to celebrate themselves. Talk about raising a bunch of entitled little self-involved emperors.

This of course excludes school plays, awards evenings, Christmas recitals, Harvest festivals etc... of course I went to them. And loved them, shed tears, took video (where allowed).....

In my opinion (because apparently you have to say that so that MNET doesn't believe you are speaking on its behalf) It doesn't make you pious to not recognise that the over-abundance of awards is burdensome and a total drain.

To my kindred mums.....cheers!

OP, would you miss out on your sport to cheer your daughter on in a netball league match? Maybe your teammates think their children are more important than what is, in the final analysis, a leisure activity?

Wow. YABU!!

Depends on the child and the family and the sporting event!!

If the sports event takes place every week or fortnight then what's the problem?! If it is a once a year tournament then yes, fair enough, missing it at short notice would be very poor form.

And how do you know whether this might be the only prize little Johnny ever wins in his entire school career? It might be a huge event for him. How dare you suggest a parent cannot work out whether it is important or not.

Kids notice when their parents don't attend these things. And yes, if it happens every month then I might attend the first one but make my excuses for subsequent ones. However that is my decision not yours!!!

Have you considered that perhaps the sports event is just not that important to some of your players? If you wanted to be involved in something serious then perhaps you ought to change team?

(& yes I play a sport at national level and sometimes have to choose whether to partake or whether to do something with the DCs - but usually with sufficient notice because the sport is only played at weekends when most people have the time to take part)

Depends on how often either happened, but I'd prob go to the match and send DH to school! My daughter told me not to bother going to her awards ceremony last year (year 8) as it was 'boring', so I didn't. I'd always go to a performance, but not if they were getting a random certficate. I think i missed one time when DD played her guitar in music assembly as I had to work. Feel a bit bad about that now, but it was years ago and she hasn't held a grudge.

You wouldn't dream of missing one of your dd's netball matches, but can't understand other parents wanting to watch their child achieve an award for attainment? Smacks of double standards to me tbh.