Would you miss a really important 'social' or 'sporting' engagement to see your child....

[Vagabond]

I play in a Friday morning sporting competition which is quite competitive and serious and which is played in teams and for which we all pay money to participate in. Most players (not all) are mums.

Recently, in the last few years, there has been a real increase in mums being invited with a few days notice to attend Friday morning school assembly to watch their child win a 'merit' award. (primary school). Some of these awards are for "being determined" "being friendly" or "trying hard".

I might be a total cow but I think if you've committed to a team event, a school assembly for such trivial and meaningless awards shouldn't take priority over the team you committed to.

I'm seeing lots of messages on our group FB page saying "my precious Blakey is getting an award for friendliness and I couldn't bear not to see his sweet little face...... sorry to let you all down but these are the moments I can't bear to miss".

MN Jury..... ?

Yanbu. Love our school an annual parents assembly per class where the kids perform and you are given literally months notice. The other assemblies even where star of the weeks awarded strictly no parents kids only.

So matter of degree I would bin off almost anything to attend that annual one but yes if monthly am with you op.

I am involved in a sport at quite a high level and would never miss training or a competition for anything, especially some daft assembly.

It's about commitment imo. You commit to being part of a high level team, then you need to step up and do it.

If you want a hobby to relieve the boredom of being a SAHM, then you choose a more appropriate activity where your attendance isn't important.

Commitment to sport trumps commitment to having a dc? Completely fine if you don't want to go but don't imply the rest of us are bored sahms.

My parents never came to school events. We didn't have merit assembly's but they didn't come to plays, field trips or anything like that because they both worked.

I understood. Maybe I had the occasional moment of wishing they could come but I never got leads in plays or solos in concerts so there wasn't anything for them to really see. I certainly wasnt mortified or devastated or any of the other emotive terms mentioned up thread.

Aren't parents supposed to teach kids that belonging to a team is a commitment, one you don't bounce for a better offer? Ditching your team to see little Boopsie win an award for best smile sounds like poor planning and modelling that teams don't matter. Boopsie can show off her award after school.

I think this is all part and parcel of the increasingly 1950s style assumption that women are endlessly free for childcare and don't work or have other commitments. How many men ditch work or their team sport to go into school?

At my kids' school there's generally a rush as soon as the assembly finishes from all the parents who have taken a flexitime late start to work so that they can get to work as soon as possible. And other parents swap shifts at work to make it. So it's not just a room of people with nothing better to do. There are generally a couple of soldiers in uniform watching their kids get awards, which suggests that you feel your club should be stricter in prioritising attendance than the army.

I have three kids at home at the moment and if I went to every little school thing I simply couldn't hold down a job, and as I am chief breadwinner this is pretty important. Events need to be arranged so it's reasonably straightforward to balancing the competing demands of multiple children and working, and there needs to be plenty of notice. People only have so much annual leave. I don't like this gender divide either, schools needs to make sure they are including mothers and fathers in the equation.

I missed ONE assembly and it is regularly dredged up. She is 19

Seriously she doesn't even remember the ones I went to!

Boffin but thats a separate issue, and I completely agree with you. But the OP isnt talking about work, she is talking about a hobby and that makes it totally different.

If you're a working mum, would you take time out of work to attend an assembly for your child to win a "friendly child of the week" award? No.

Actually, yes, I would and have. Just last week as it happens. OK, so I don't go to everything (because, like BoffinMum above, I'm our family's main breadwinner) but we try to make sure that somebody goes to most things.

If your sporting commitment is very important to you then fine. But you don't get to decide what other people's level of commitment must be.

Presumably if they are taking part in a sporting event they aren't working that day. So yes I absolutely would prioritise my child for whatever reason over something that might mean a lot to you but is probably a nice way to spend free time for many of the mums. The work thing is completely separate you can't just opt in and out as you please.

In dds' school it's a real mix of mums and dads as most of us work so take flexitime as and when we can. I have 3 dc and dh and I share the assembly type things, as do most families I know.

But parenting is a commitment too, the OP keeps on about how seriously she takes her sport but clearly her team mates don't agree because they are taking time to go to the assemblies.

I'm with you Yellow.

It's golf isn't OP?

The idea that I'd miss an event for my DC for a game of golf is hysterically.

My kids school don't do these kind of assemblies but I have taken time of work (unpaid) to see school plays, school church services and sports days, precisely because they are important to my DC. (Their father does too)

People place priority on different things though. I got lots of stick at work for missing a black tie dinner at work because it was the same date as parents night.

Apparently free bar trumps educational progress report everytime...

I work part time. I'm lucky that it's a choice and not dictated by finances, but I've taken a career and financial hit in order to spend more time with my children. My oldest starts nursery in September so I'm not there yet but I would ditch other plans (within reason) to be at a school event for him, because that's the whole point of my choosing to work part time.

I think you need to talk to the mums about it. Maybe the team sport is more important to you than to them and you need different people on your team in order to play to the level that you want to reach?

I can't answer this because I don't believe sporting engagements could ever be "really important".

you clearly don't play sport. Our competition is very important to us. It's not a glorified coffee morning.

Get a grip, OP. It's only a game. Sport really isn't important. DCs are.

OP still hasnt said whether she has children

I assume if these are Mums who can play sport every Friday, then they are probably Stay at Home Mums. Surely one of the reasons women choose to stay at home whle their childen are young is so that they can be involved in school life and share these little celebrations. You sound a bit mean Vagabond.

OP, YABU. They are indeed moments to treasure and it means a lot to most children to have their parents there to see it.

Working parents do juggle time off to see these things (sometimes just one out of two parents) but I don't think the working parent comparison is necessary here as the people that the OP is complaining about clearly do not work on that particular day as they are free to participate in this golf ladder sport each week.

OP seems to be speaking for the whole of women kind. I had no idea that all women thought exactly the same way about things and we're all in the same situation.

YABVU OP.
you might find your hobby important, good for you, other people will put their children before everything else.

But working parents do go. We make a big effort to ensure one of us can be there for these things because it matters to our kids. There are loads of people in various suits and uniforms who make a quick getaway. My boss does it too, and his boss. The only parents who can never get to their kids' school things ime tend to be teachers.

Yabu to mock awards for 'soft' things like friendliness. It is good for kids to achieve and be recognised and some children are never going to get awards for the classic area of sporting/academic success