Would you miss a really important 'social' or 'sporting' engagement to see your child....

[Vagabond]

I play in a Friday morning sporting competition which is quite competitive and serious and which is played in teams and for which we all pay money to participate in. Most players (not all) are mums.

Recently, in the last few years, there has been a real increase in mums being invited with a few days notice to attend Friday morning school assembly to watch their child win a 'merit' award. (primary school). Some of these awards are for "being determined" "being friendly" or "trying hard".

I might be a total cow but I think if you've committed to a team event, a school assembly for such trivial and meaningless awards shouldn't take priority over the team you committed to.

I'm seeing lots of messages on our group FB page saying "my precious Blakey is getting an award for friendliness and I couldn't bear not to see his sweet little face...... sorry to let you all down but these are the moments I can't bear to miss".

MN Jury..... ?

I take time out of work to go to my kids assemblies/events.

I allow my team to do the same.

If you're so competitive that your hobby is the be all and end all then good for you, but you cannot expect everyone to think the same way - perhaps you need to find a new team.

Ds's school doesn't invite parents to assemblies but if they did and ds was getting an award I'd be there like a shot. I work ft too but providing I have notice I can arrange things at work so I can attend things like nativity plays and sports days. Ds is always bringing certificates home in his book bag and for once I'd love to see him actually receive one!

Our competition is very important to us.

Well, it is important to you. Clearly some parents there feel that it is less important than seeing their child do an assembly or receive an award.

At my school we don't invite parents to celebrations assemblies, and they didn't at DD's school either - bar the one big one at the end of the year.

However, we do have class assemblies - approximately 3 a year per class, plus a bigger end of year (OR Christmas - not both) show. So that wouldn't have that big an impact We also try to vary which day of the week they are on.

By class assembly - I mean the ones that the children stand at the front and present to the parents.

And yes - I have taken time out of work to attend those for my own daughter when she was smaller.

And yes - they are important to children. I know not all parents can attend, but children do feel happier when they do have someone there for them.

Yabu on so many levels.

'Would working parents give up work to go. No.'
but that's one of the Reasons of becoming a sahp, so that you can go to this stuff. Your argument of childcare costs (for the under 3s) is invalid, because we're talking about school age kids where childcare is free for most of the day.

I think the wohp would have a right to feel pretty pissed off if they've made a joint decision to have a sahp, who then prioritises her hobby over seeing her Dc at school.

I don't think your hobby sounds particularly serious. Its on a work day morning, meaning the vast majority of people who could compete, can't, because they're at work. So, it's a hobby at best.

I think it totally depends on the child. Many may not mind but others will be more sensitive and want the reassurance of a parent there.

I suspect that most parents don't have chance to attend much in school hours due to work. By the time both my dc are in school I will probably need to work full time after several years part time. If I was lucky enough to have a weekday off work, yes I would prioritise seeing my child over my hobby.

Not just unlikely lumpy. This isn't high level.

I am guessing its rowing in which someone dropping out last minute is a pain - however surely its easily sorted by having a rota of people willing to go out. It might mean occasionally you dont have your A crew but its better than not going out at all.

Wondering if the Op's kids are secondary and she's consigned sitting through infants/juniors assemblies to the dark recesses of her mind in a box marked "morning wasted in stuffy school hall, sitting on small chairs positioned too close to other parents, waiting for the 10-15 seconds when my children stands up in front of whole school and then sits back down again". I have a few of those boxes (but they are treasured).

Lumpy and arethere I still reckon it's a bunch of lady golfers.

'Competitive' doesn't equal 'important'.

Yanbu

Of course it could be tennis... But I reckon golf golfers are obsessive

I was thinking tennis but it must be tennis or golf, most other sports world meet at the weekend or evenings wouldn't they? If I was a SAHM I would miss the sport, it can't be high level (county or area) as they wouldn't exclude working people.

YABU for dismissing the categories of awards.
YABU for telling other women what their priorities should be.
YABVU for thinking that children get their self-esteem and happiness from their school peers and not their parents.

YANBU if every parent is expected to attend every assembly every month but in my experience this is never the case.

The SAHMs in my area all do meta fit, Insanity or run marathons. These are women who take their Lycra seriously.

And every one of them would be at an awards assembly.

Mardle.... taking time off work to look after children is boring an often unrewarding... having time to do your own thing is vitally important while you're sidelined from work I agree. But the point is that those things need to fit around the children's needs, otherwise whats the point of taking time off work at all? It's not supposed to be a 5 year long holiday.

Women don't generally take time off work to attend assemblies... they do it because child-care is too expensive and working yields no financial gain. I agree that's why lots of women don't choose to go back to work after children, no argument from me there. But working women can't always take time off for those things. They have no choice in the matter. That's why they get paid to go to work.

Women are stuck with childcare and the only release they have is their hobbies........ Yes, and again, the reason they are not in salaried employment is because they are working at being a SAHM instead. Work is work, duty is duty, commitment is commitment, whether it's in paid employment for a salary, or unpaid work at home and being there for your children, so you don't have to pay someone else to do it.

Few people have the luxury of being able to fanny around playing golf or netball or whatever during the working/school week without being accountable to anyone, or on call for anyone. Hobbies are great but they are for you SPARE time. Time when you are not needed elsewhere because of your job, whether that job is as head of the Bank of England, or SAHM.

YABU..... Very sad that you're choosing for your hobby (as that's what it is) over your kids.

I am involved in a sport at quite a high level and would never miss training or a competition for anything, especially some daft assembly.

But surely you would if your child made it obvious that it was important to him or her for you to be there, zeezeek?

Aren't parents supposed to teach kids that belonging to a team is a commitment, one you don't bounce for a better offer?

I think parents are supposed to teach children that they love them and are proud of them and will support them all they can. And that children winning a one-off award is more important to their parents than missing their weekly golf session.

If the team had any sense, it would organise its events on any day except Friday, anyway. Not only will they regularly clash with this sort of event, but they'll mess up people's plans for long weekends etc.

I'm really curious what OPs hobby is?

If you think of all hobbies as a sort of "Time Filler" i wonder if there are some hobbies that the OP would deem lesser than hers and therefore would happily "Blow it off"?

Say a guy likes fishing, would that be okay to blow off and go to their kids assembly?
how about train spotting? video games? movies?
or is it only sporting hobbies that are important?

but then surely a childs upbringing is far more important than any hobby? A child receiving an award for doing well is something to celebrate, not ignore in favour of pissing about with your buddies on a field.

Do you ever miss the Friday morning thing for your own kids OP?

What if you could only get a doctor's or dentist appointment for them on a Friday morning or their teacher's wanted a meeting with you, what would you do?

Ok, yes, I concede I probably would, but neither of mine really care - they are used to me working during most of the school week and I do my sport on a weekday afternoon - it's an afternoon when the students are off doing sport and my Uni also has some fairly high level staff teams doing the same.

It's absolutely not golf.

I suppose it depends on the child and what they are used to. I don't know. Mine are actually quite proud of my sport and are starting to learn it themselves.

I can't be bothered to fill out my sporting pedigree and that of my family members but it is long and high level.

Here's the thing. If you are representing your country - it matters. If your livelihood depends on the sport - it matters.

Otherwise - it's just a hobby. Great fun and brilliant for your mental and physical health - but just a hobby.

Why do schools organise so many events where they expect parents to show up during the day? Surely it's normal for the majority of parents to work now? It amazes me how many of my colleagues sneak in at nearly lunchtime on Fridays because they've been at assembly again.