Would you miss a really important 'social' or 'sporting' engagement to see your child....

[Vagabond]

I play in a Friday morning sporting competition which is quite competitive and serious and which is played in teams and for which we all pay money to participate in. Most players (not all) are mums.

Recently, in the last few years, there has been a real increase in mums being invited with a few days notice to attend Friday morning school assembly to watch their child win a 'merit' award. (primary school). Some of these awards are for "being determined" "being friendly" or "trying hard".

I might be a total cow but I think if you've committed to a team event, a school assembly for such trivial and meaningless awards shouldn't take priority over the team you committed to.

I'm seeing lots of messages on our group FB page saying "my precious Blakey is getting an award for friendliness and I couldn't bear not to see his sweet little face...... sorry to let you all down but these are the moments I can't bear to miss".

MN Jury..... ?

YABU id not miss that for the world regardless of what was happening (unless there was a complete emergency) my DM missed my p7 leaving ceremony she was working I still expexted her to be there In the crowd and she wasn't It hurt so much and it still hurts now , I wouldn't want my kids to feel that hurt

YANBU. My DSs school has these little award certificates but they dont (thankfully) hold an assembly for them! I find it if Im lucky weeks later in bottom of DSs bag.

Madcapped - you clearly don't play sport. Our competition is very important to us. It's not a glorified coffee morning.

Mardle.... taking time off work to look after children is boring an often unrewarding... having time to do your own thing is vitally important while you're sidelined from work. Women don't generally take time off work to attend assemblies... they do it because child-care is too expensive and working yields no financial gain.

Women are stuck with childcare and the only release they have is their hobbies........
Most women I know with children under 3 cannot afford the work/chidlcare cost balance. So they are stuck.

OP, do you have children?

However, I maintain that the pleasure in receiving these awards comes wholly from their peers. Much like life

Do you speak for every child searching the hall for their Mum and Dad? No, it's your opinion.

I understand why the mothers want to be there.

Surely it depends on the child/parent relationship...how do you know anything about that OP? My daughter would have hated to stand up in front of assembly and not see my husband or I (or a Grandparent if necessary) there, and I certainly remember my parents being there. Most kids don't care a jot whether their peer has got an award for determination they certainly care that their families do...as it should be.

I'm thinking I volunteer in a school where hardly any parents bother to turn up to anything. I'm thinking that pitiful attitudes like some of the ones on here are the reason that some children get barely any attention for what they do in school, and then wonder why their children stop bothering.

I'll also admit I'm tired and crabby, after spending a whole day making sure those children have an amazing day out, because there was a chance the trip wouldn't go ahead because some people think daft things like sporting bollocks and so on are more important than their children. Doing that one very little sleep tends to make you disinclined to sugarcoat your words.

So I'll take back the swearing, but I still think your attitude towards people caring about their children stinks.

My kids' school does this. They have them over several weeks, but each child only gets it once.

OP I think you're being a bit silly to think the kids don't care if their parents are there. You can see the disappointment clear as day on the faces for the kids whose parents aren't there. It can't always be avoided, but a weekday sports activity would be a paltry excuse, and I would judge.

Personally I would go to the assembly, if other parents are going to see their children collect the award then what message does that give your own child if you don't bother to attend?

My father (resident parent) stopped going to my parents evenings and the hurt I felt is still with me today (I left school in 1991).

YABU to dictate what other mums find important. You are also BU to get pissy that they're putting their children first.

I read something recently that said kids won't remember the money and things they have. They'll remember how their parents made them feel and that they were there in the audience in school plays and to cheer when they got awards.

It may be every week but kids grow up so quickly. For them it's important and I'd put that in front of anything else. I've even rearranged work so my daughter can be in a nursery performance and for me to be there to see her in it. She spent the whole time looking for me in the crowd and when she finally spotted me (she was getting quite upset that she couldn't find me) the grin on her face brought tears to my eyes (pregnancy hormones playing a part). Her look told me how important it was to her for me to be there and I would have hated to think I'd disappointed her by not being there whether it was because of work, a social or sporting event or anything out of my control.

However, I maintain that the pleasure in receiving these awards comes wholly from their peers. Much like life

Simply not true, IME.

What's the sport? I'm more sympathetic if it's a rowing 8 and you can't go out at all than if it's football practice and you can still play. Also is it a training or a competition?

Vagabond is your school an Academy? Ours recently converted and the frequency of these questionable merit assemblies increased massively afterwards - we are also now encouraged to buy a photo of our children collecting each said merit after the assemblies (not allowed to take our own photos as we always did pre-conversion).

I'm a teacher and children desperately look for a parent in the audience. Some children are devastated if no family member turns up. It's heartbreaking for them.

I couldn't always go to assemblies for my own children because of work but I always made sure their dad went or a grandparent.

When you're primary age, it's a big deal!

Mmn. This is about the third thread I've seen today and wondered whether the DM is short of material for tomorrow's columns.

I've learned that these "meaningless" assemblies really matter to my dc. When I randomly make it to their Friday afternoon assembly/worship which parents are invited to I see my dc's faces light up. The point is that it's not meaningless to them. In fact, it actually really matters. For that reason they are important to me.

A bit off topic but your sporting club must exclude a lot of working women who are not free every Friday morning (unless they work shifts of course) .

Perhaps if you moved it to a day/time when the majority of working women could make it you'd get a better standard of player and a wider range of participants, to offset the Mums who keep crying off for assemblies?

If no parents were there, children wouldn't be bothered. They would enjoy the recognition of their peers and teachers, and perfectly happily tell their parents when they got home.

The real problem is schools inviting parents at such an inconvenient time, so that children whose parents work (or who like me also think it's a bit silly to go in for a school assembly on a Friday morning when they can say well done at home ) feel they are somehow left out if their parents don't attend. It is predicated on the unreasonable and old-fashioned expectation that there will normally be a parent (a mother?) who is at home even though the children are school age.

However you can't really blame the parents for making the choice to attend, although I agree that in this instance it really depends on how much team mates are being let down.

I'm quite at the notion that a local sporting competition is less trivial than a child receiving an award.

Surely it's easily solved if this is happening so often? Just move the sports thing to another day of the week.

I reckon the OP does synchronised swimming.

I would go to the school. I volunteered at my kids school for five years and saw how disappointed kids were when no-one came to these things for them, watched them look round hopefully when they heard footsteps coming towards the classroom doors.

However, I maintain that the pleasure in receiving these awards comes wholly from their peers. Much like life.

In your opinion OP but obviously not in the opinions of the Mums at this sporting club thing.

Either way, how can it make much difference if the assemblies are only once per month?

I was thinking netball.

If matches are having to be called off because of it then yes, I think they need to re-evaluate whether or not they want to be part of the team. If there are still plenty available to play then I don't think they are being unreasonable.

Friday morning it a pretty unusual time for sports fixtures, I would guess people have other commitments then quite often as well as school. Could it be moved to a weekend?

I really cannot believe that you would prioritize a sporting event (even though it costs you money) which you participate in regularly over seeing your child receive a reward; trivial to you, clearly, but vitally important to them. I am biased of course, because I worked throughout my children's school days and could rarely get the time off and had to miss lots of things.

Shocked.