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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have no interest whatsoever in joining in school things, like PTAs helping nights out

182 replies

LardLizard · 05/05/2016 22:51

I just don't want to know tbh

Reasons are because I feel a lot of people involved are not 100% genuine
And there's too make fake friendships and bs

So I don't want to join the oat, I don't want to help out on school fetes
No I don't want to go on night out on the town with other school mums

I have my life and an active social life and I don't want to extend that

However guess I feel a bit guilty, esp about not really helping out with school stuff, but I just don't want to know and don't want to get sucked into the policitics of it all

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 05/05/2016 22:53

Er, ok then.Hmm

SpinnakerInTheEther · 05/05/2016 22:54

No, you are not being unreasonable. Volunteering is voluntary. Your spare time is your own.

MaryPopped · 05/05/2016 22:55

either join in or don't. No need to judge those who want to build community for your DC. sheesh.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 05/05/2016 22:56

This is really not an AIBU.

Why do people turn everything tiny little thing into an AIBU question now?

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. I did it at my kids last school, the parents are ignorant, cliquey pillocks at the school we're at now, so I don't bother. I don't lose any sleep over it.

MardleBum · 05/05/2016 22:57

So don't help then. You'll be in the vast majority.

M not sure what fake friendship is by the way, or why you should feel that people who help out are not 100% genuine, whatever that means.

BirthdayBetty · 05/05/2016 22:58

It's not compulsory Hmm

EmeraldEars · 05/05/2016 22:58

Then don't?

Celticlassie · 05/05/2016 22:58

The problem is when everyone decides they can't be arsed, and then nothing gets done.

dementedpixie · 05/05/2016 22:59

Lots of people think like you which is why we are lucky if 10 people actually come to the pta meetings which is fucking pitiful out of about 300 kids at the school

Original poster
LardLizard · 05/05/2016 23:00

Must admit these lyrics spring into my kind when asked for certain things....

No
I don't want your number (no)
I don't want to give you mine and (no)
I don't want to meet you nowhere (no)
I don't want none of your time and (no)

Of course I don't say it though, I just say no I'm busy/not interested

OP posts:
janethegirl2 · 05/05/2016 23:01

If you don't want to, just don't. Either give a good excuse or say you can't be arsed. I never did as I couldn't be doing with all the local politics ie who likes who etc.

TendonQueen · 05/05/2016 23:01

In my experience, people who don't want to get involved don't let it stop them from moaning about there being no school events (because of lack of volunteers), the events that do happen not being run to their liking (despite them not having said anything about what that would be beforehand), and about the lack of classroom IT / other equipment (often paid for by PTA-organised events in these days of budget cuts). Steer clear of all that and there's less of a problem.

Also, the 'politics of it all' mainly come from the people not involved, in the form of them moaning about the above via email / social media / phone calls to the head / playground gossip. Again, in my experience, the people organising stuff just get on and do it.

Littlefish · 05/05/2016 23:01

Are you happy for your child to benefit from the funds raised by the PTA which go towards school resources? If so, then I think you are being a bit unreasonable about not getting involved with fund raising events.

You're not being unreasonable about not wanting to go out on nights out with the other mums though.

MaryPopped · 05/05/2016 23:02

Sorry, YANBU for not joining in. YABU for judging those who do.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 05/05/2016 23:06

My kids are in different primary schools. I help out lots at one and not so much at the other (some help so don't look like a totally crap mum).

I've met up with both PTAs and felt more useful to one.

Can't imagine going in with your attitude though.

MidniteScribbler · 05/05/2016 23:08

No one has to find BFFs for life at the PTA, but don't do nothing then sit back and complain when your school doesn't have some of the little extras you expect. If it weren't for our PTA, we'd have half as many ipads as we do, there would be no footy day, several camps wouldn't happen as they are subsidised by them. The preps wouldn't have their own playground, and the music room would be practically empty.

There are plenty of other ways of helping at school. Offer to cover the new books for the school library once a month. Sew costumes for school plays. Everyone has SOMETHING they can contribute. One parent comes down on weekends every so often and has planted several new garden beds and maintains them. An electrician dad helped out by fixing lighting in the hall. Think of what you can do to support your children's education, then do that. But there's no reason to be on the next version of the real housewives on the PTA. Just do something.

Stillunexpected · 05/05/2016 23:09

Join in or not as you wish, but don't judge those who do take part - and do try to be nice to them at school fairs, cake sales etc., rather than being like the vast majority of parents who don't take part or volunteer (fair enough) but then feel free to complain about lack of social events, playground equipment, musical instruments or all the other things the PTA fundraising is paying for - not big, not clever.

DelphiniumBlue · 05/05/2016 23:11

Actually I think YABU. I met some really nice people when I joined the PTA at my son's primary school, and we are still friends now even though DC are now grown-up.
I agree with TendonQueen and DementedPixie, I found that the people who were doing the stuff just got on and did it, although other, uninvolved, people moaned about cliques.
I also think you are being unreasonable to make sweeping generalisations about people being not genuine - if they are genuinely giving up their time for the benefit of all the pupils, what more do you want?
If you don't want to get involved, then don't, but why be unkind about the people who do want to help and be proactive in their community?

Lemonblast · 05/05/2016 23:11

No obligation whatsoever.
As long as you don't moan and bitch about any fundraising activities they DO organise.

CodyKing · 05/05/2016 23:13

It's a bit sad to exclude a chance of new friendships because - well you're too busy -

School moms can be a great at times you're stuck - they keep an eye on your kids on trips and can be a bay able source of information.

There are so few volunteers doing all the work

My friend organises the school disco for 300 children - that's the disco - invites - food drink - setting up - collecting the money - entertainment etc - then look out for any issues with the children - and all she gets is abuse -

Imagine it was a birthday party - how rude would be be to complain to your host? She get Oh there's only fizzy pop - oh why can't it be on a Tuesday DS has cubs - Why are the prizes chocolate? I thought this was a healthy school!!!' Rude Rude Rude!!^^

Only1scoop · 05/05/2016 23:13

What's the AIBU?

arethereanyleftatall · 05/05/2016 23:14

Yabu.
This gets my goat actually. Fine not to go on mums nights out etc, your choice. But to not help out in school fund raisers, to the benefit of your dc, and to expect others to do it instead, is bang out of order.
It's always the same ones doing everything at my dc school (yes, me).

pieceofpurplesky · 05/05/2016 23:16

PTAs raise money for books/computers/play equipment etc. If your children are happy to not use these then fine - but I would imagine that they do and enjoy them. Would it really kill you to spend an hour of your precious time in your oh so happy life to actually help raise funds for your kids and others?

bibbitybobbityyhat · 05/05/2016 23:18

That's fine. Your posts do make you sound a wee bit insecure and odd though tbh.

momtothree · 05/05/2016 23:19

Would it really kill you to spend an hour of your precious time

And set a good example to your children about mucking in?

My kids help out at events - it's really good for them to feel part of something - making things out of nothing - take money and giving change - being kind to little ones etc