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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have no interest whatsoever in joining in school things, like PTAs helping nights out

182 replies

LardLizard · 05/05/2016 22:51

I just don't want to know tbh

Reasons are because I feel a lot of people involved are not 100% genuine
And there's too make fake friendships and bs

So I don't want to join the oat, I don't want to help out on school fetes
No I don't want to go on night out on the town with other school mums

I have my life and an active social life and I don't want to extend that

However guess I feel a bit guilty, esp about not really helping out with school stuff, but I just don't want to know and don't want to get sucked into the policitics of it all

OP posts:
gandalf456 · 06/05/2016 15:19

I work part time and personally I would not choose voluntary work over paid. Lots of events clash with days I am working so usually can't help. I think those that do volunteer do so because they can. Most in our area are from single income families and quite affluent

sue51 · 06/05/2016 15:57

If you don't want to help that's fine. I know that the all weather sports pitch, constant supply of art materials, regular arrivals of new books for the library and the mini bus were bought with funds raised by a resourceful PTA. You also need to have strong personalities with tenacity to go after much needed corporate sponsorship. I gave up afair bit of free time despite working as did many others on the PTA. We also welcomed additional members with open arms.

Blueberry234 · 06/05/2016 16:06

I volunteer for reading but will not join PTA due to a couple of strong characters who 'own' the PTA and I dislike immensely sadly all the reception mums say similar and the PTA are moaning about no new joiners. No remotely ungrateful for the work they do though.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/05/2016 16:00

I think most people would choose paid work over voluntary, gandalf. Which is exactly why the only feelings towards volunteers should be positive ones.

gandalf456 · 07/05/2016 21:10

My post was really in response to the one above mine. Reading between the lines, it seemed to imply that women were missing out because of all these expectations of voluntary work.

It was a thought provoking post, though, in that school life is a female dominated area. Partly choice, possibly, but maybe there are women stepping down from their careers and throwing themselves into these roles because they can't work full time. I know I am part time because I don't get paid enough to afford full time childcare and because of the expectation put on me to run the house and organise the children. I get the impression that volunteering is about personal fulfillment and gives us something extra that isn't provided by Perhaps a part time menial role (like mine ) or no job at all. So, huge tangent but I think I get the feminist argument

Catvsworld · 07/05/2016 22:20

There is a coleration between parental involvement and how well your child dose

PaulAnkaTheDog · 07/05/2016 22:26

Ynbu. I was a working single mum. Not a SAHM with a bank msnager for a husband. I didn't have time to be brown nosing.

Actually laughed at this. I'm a working single mum. I find time to help when I can at my son's school. It's not brown nosing, it's doing my part to support the school he loves so much. Seriously, what a twatty comment!

ShelaghTurner · 07/05/2016 22:34

I don't go out with "school mums" either. I go out and have a fabulous time with a group of funny, intelligent, diverse, interesting women from a range of backgrounds and nationalities who just happen to have kids in dd1's class. Don't do that if you don't want, I couldn't give a toss. But you might just be missing out on some fun with that attitude.

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 07/05/2016 23:13

I tried to join the pta with DD1 in reception. It was very cliquey and me and another newbie were told in a not very friendly tone 'don't worry about coming to meetings we have the events committees planned'. They then told us we could leave now as they wanted to get on with planning the fete!

They send endless texts about events wanting volunteers and how 'disappointing' the donations and volunteers numbers are, but don't seem to want outsiders to come and be more than that so people get put off.

I have volunteered a couple of times at discos as that's something I always attend anyway and can do a stall on my own away from them all, but that's it from me!

369thegoosedrankwine · 07/05/2016 23:46

Do what you like.

I can't stand the ''I don't want to extend my social circle' stuff, the implication being that the only ones who help on the pta are Desperadoes.

I help out as much as I can (not much), I work 4 days In a very demanding job but I am more than happy to help out when I can and I do go out with school mums as I quite like meeting new people. I don't 'need' new friends, I have lots, but this is certainly not a reason not to help out.

pieceofpurplesky · 08/05/2016 11:42

Another full time working single mum here who found time to help my son's school and ultimately my son. Also met diverse, interesting and great people who I still socialise with despite son not being at the school anymore.
Open your eyes OP

derxa · 08/05/2016 12:13

I don't think OP even has children.

justmyview · 08/05/2016 15:16

In my family, there is a long tradition of volunteering, in various roles. I am actively involved in our PTA, more due to civic duty than deriving enjoyment from it

I don't expect people to be grateful. I don't particularly mind if they don't help. I'm happy to respect the fact they may have other caring / volunteering responsiblilities. Our events are well organised and well attended, so we don't have an issue with people moaning

What I don't like is people sneering as if we're mugs for taking it on.

I8toys · 08/05/2016 15:33

Do what you want but don't judge others for being part of the school community and showing their kids that helping out others is a fantastic thing to do.

I've been on the PTA committee and a school governor. My time is up now and I enjoyed it. Great to be part of something that was worthwhile - we raised funds for a new audio visual sound system for our school hall and we worked hard doing it.

hels71 · 08/05/2016 15:42

My DD's school are always asking for people to be on the PTA, but insist on having meetings during school time...when many of us are working. (despite being asked if they could sometimes be at a different time) I will happily go and spend money at events, and I help man discos...I also heard readers and did some 1:1 intrventions voluntarily before my working hours upped.(I am a teacher) ..but I. like many other parents, can not be on the committee or attend meetings to help with organisation, due to the timings.

ForalltheSaints · 08/05/2016 16:13

Not unreasonable as long as you decline politely and are not rude about those who choose to join, in my opinion.

slinkysaluki · 09/05/2016 04:19

I moved to a different area and didn't know anyone so joined my kids primary school PTA to make friends. I even did a year as PTA chair. It's hard work and always the same few people doing everything and its always parents that never do anything who complain. I resigned after a year as chair as I couldn't cope with the constant critiscm from these parents. I still helped out though volunteer reading etc. I made some good friends too.

MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2016 04:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SharingMichelle · 09/05/2016 04:43

Yeah, totally unreasonable. But don't worry - you're in the vast majority :)

I actually hate the politics and nitpicking too. This will shock you, but my idea of a good time is not planning the umpteenth school fair with accompanying arguments about whether or not it is okay to ask the teachers to vacate the school car park by 3pm. However, it's a good thing to do, and the same old 10 faces will be planning next years fair too, and all the children will enjoy the new music room that we funded.

And I will smile politely as you explain to me that you can't help because you have small children (yep, so do I), or you work (me too), or you already donate your time to something else (yes, I run Brownies too), or it's just "not really your thing".

When my children are older I shall bow out and leave it to the next generation of mugs who will take our place, and I will know I've done my bit.

BettySpaghettiHasLostHerHead · 09/05/2016 05:02

What's the view like from up there Michelle?

I don't get involved with the PTA but I have helped out at the odd Christmas Fair and baked the occasional cake. I have absolutely no interest in getting involved and don't feel the need to provide any excuse. I just don't want to! BUT hats off to those who do (and seem to thrive on it) - I'm suitably grateful and never complain about lack of events Halo.

NicknameUsed · 09/05/2016 07:12

The massive assumptions on here are astounding. I used to be involved in the PTA and it wasn't cliquey or full of political nitpicking. We just wanted to raise funds for the school and got on with it without making a fuss or coercing unwilling parents to help out.

Only1scoop · 09/05/2016 08:13

Dd last school pta was run by a proper Hitler, she was rude and used to comment all the time about lack of support. Ironic When she was the one scaring all the new comers away, used to talk about how she couldn't wait to leave etc....

The society at dd new school appears much more adult and civilised....

I'm still yet to ever go to a meeting though Wink

AlbertHerbertHawkins · 09/05/2016 08:24

I don't take part in any on the PTA stuff (too socially awkward, not my skill set, too shy), however, neither do I complain or bitch about what they do. Am not particularly bothered whether they provide an extra i-pad for the school and really don't care whether or not they organise a footie day, party etc. I feel that I contribute plenty to my children's education, not least via the (hefty) taxes I pay. I work in a hospital, we don't expect 'voluntary contributions', bag packs etc or judge those patients who do not fund raise for us.
It is possible to be the parent who just wants to drop and pick their kids without getting too involved but equally not judge those parents who very laudably do. I just think there needs to be less judgement on both sides.

AlbertHerbertHawkins · 09/05/2016 08:29

Also, both my husband and I work. I feel under pressure to help. He never does
That casual sexism also really grates.

treaclesoda · 09/05/2016 08:30

I'm involved with school PTA. Not because I want to arse lickers, or have a clique of PTA friends but because I want the school to have books. The funding has been cut so badly that the school are struggling to provide things as basic as reading books. The head teacher desperately wants to avoid asking for a specific contribution from each family because he understands that not everyone can afford it, so we raise money to help out. But the people who don't have anything to do with PTA don't actually know that.