To have no interest whatsoever in joining in school things, like PTAs helping nights out

[LardLizard]

I just don't want to know tbh

Reasons are because I feel a lot of people involved are not 100% genuine
And there's too make fake friendships and bs

So I don't want to join the oat, I don't want to help out on school fetes
No I don't want to go on night out on the town with other school mums

I have my life and an active social life and I don't want to extend that

However guess I feel a bit guilty, esp about not really helping out with school stuff, but I just don't want to know and don't want to get sucked into the policitics of it all

Well if the reality is, that we need help with the disco or it won't go ahead, what else is anyone supposed to say. People don't want to admit that thus label it emotionally blackmailing.

It makes me laugh when people complain about not having events/ paying for extras (such as school trips) but expect others to do all the hard work.

And yet, when the few people who are generally working (at our school) ask for a little bit of help, it is seen as 'emotional blackmail' by the whingeing wanker crew.

Lovely.

I never help, I can barely keep my life together ;)

I would happily just pay £50 at the beginning of term and be done with all the extra faffing about with fundraising activities

I think the bake sales thing might be fun for the kids (though mine don't really need extra cake) but the cakes sell at a loss, giving the cost of the ingedients would be more effective. It's not really mainly about the money, therefore

Herecome - the women that spend time with my DD have part time jobs - they spend some of their free time to help my kid.

In my experience SEN funding is being cut - there are not enough Ed Psychs and Speecth Therapists so they might visit a child once a term, assess and write the program for the child with SEN and the implementation is left to the school who sometimes (because of lack of funding) use volunteers to provide that child with extra help. These volunteers in my experience are mainly women - lots of whom also have jobs.

The government cuts funding but relies on women to provide the help that is still needed FOR FREE.

You have a male PTA chair - fab - statistically how many PTA chairs are male I wonder?

I'm off to my kids school now for a very rare meeting with our new Ed Psych who I am hoping will help us get some funding. When I see one of the volunteers I'll mention that they are having their cake and eating it too.

My kids go to a London state primary and the PTA is active - and fantastic. Lots of money raised, but the events are fun, and not too expensive. Some people do more than others (I am in the middle) and I think the main people are amazing - I am in awe of what they do.

We are away next weekend when there is an event on at the school and I will be genuinely sorry to miss it.

The money raised has hugely changed the school for the better. I also think that having a lot of interested and motivated parents is a good thing in any case.

"I would happily just pay £50 at the beginning of term and be done with all the extra faffing about with fundraising activities"

People always say this. You'll forgive my cynicism when I tell you that in all of the 5 PTAs I have been involved with over the past 15 years, I have always offered this as an option. "Bung us £X and I promise never to contact you again" and IIRC 3 people actually did.

I think slowly the demographic is changing though. There are more stay at home dads now, we have a lot more dads in the playground in recent years. We also have quite a lot of dads who are happy to help with tech stuff, putting things up and down and being the clown etc. I think it's a shame we can't seem to attract more men to committee meetings as it would be great to have their input. In our school the dads seem to head towards governor roles whilst the mums do PFA. It is very frustrating.

What is most frustrating about this thread is that it's clear everyone has different motivations for helping or not helping, all of which are personal to them. Can't we all just be supportive of choices made, and thankful that someone is out there fundraising and organising, without sneering either way. Some of these attitudes are awful.

I am stepping down at the end of this school year because I'm just worn out by the hostility I've encountered as a result of being on the PFA. My job is events organising, and I've been happy to donate my expertise until now. I never realised what a small minded place the playground was and I'm constantly saddened and shocked by the way grown women (and sadly it's usually the women) revert back to their playground bitchy selves. I can see how cliques develop - I now stand with a few parents (there are a couple of dads in there too) who just are bemused by the antics going on. We have been labelled a clique. We're not horrible to anyone, but we don't buy into the bad behaviour. We occasionally socialise as a group - drinks once a term, but mainly it's on an ad hoc basis. Is that a clique? I feel it's more a survival strategy!

Actually I have never once, ever, whinged or bitched about the PTA to anyone involved or to anyone else involved with the school in any way. I have never complained that things aren't how I would like them to be / how I would do them. I know that if I want a say, I'd have to get involved and I won't so fair's fair. I have no problem with people doing it if they want to.

I've never helped unless there has been a desperate plea, aren't there usually lots of parents lining up to be involved.
This was always the case at my dc schools.

I wouldn't go on nights out, or help out at fetes, but will gladly attend if there's nothing else going on.

I think you should attend some events as the dc like to go sometimes.

This has made interesting reading. I agree with those saying it's a feminist issue in that it tends to be mothers rather than fathers subjected to this.

I also think the whole structure of schools is a feminist issue because they work on the assumption that there is always a parent who is either around in the day time to attend events, help out, parents evenings (which are actually always in the afternoon...) or who has plenty of time to assist with quite involved home-based craft projects, baking, etc. I think this is based on the fact that a significant proportion of mothers in primary-age children will be SAHM, PT workers, or those whose job is very much secondary so will take time off for school event. Schools haven't yet caught up with the times, partly because they lack the resources to make up for the absence of that support thanks to successive governments slashing their funding.

For someone like me who has to jump through hoops to take time off and did that for many years as a single parent who was also the breadwinner, it's been very hard to fulfil both roles. I have to say, though, that my DC's school never made me feel bad about it, the pressure was mostly from myself as a result of societal expectations.

I'm not on the PTA. I would say no if asked because I cannot commit to anything. If I make this a priority I am effectively putting my own wellbeing and a work/family balance at the bottom of the pile (rolling shift work encompassing 70-odd hours a week). However, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate and support what the PTA does, so I throw money at it to salve my conscience instead. I am well aware that without the PTA people, just like those who run the extra-curricular activities my DC attend on a volunteer basis (subs cover costs, not wages), my children wouldn't have half the opportunities they have, and for that I am truly, truly grateful.

I also think the whole structure of schools is a feminist issue

Absolutely agree, especially primary school. I've been shocked by the difference between having children at nursery, when I was free to work a full day, and school where I seem to be expected to provide my time when required and £££££ worth of free labour.

I'm lucky to be self-employed so I do have flexible hours and can do pickups, but that makes people think I'm a SAHP and that I have all the time in the world

When ds was secondary (an international school), the sense of entitlement from some parents was astounding. I used to run an activity once a month on a Friday night for the year 7-9s, which required a couple of parents to front up and drink coffee, but just to be there for the adult/student ratio.

I cancelled at short notice on a couple of occasions as the promised help decided not to materialise the day before. That got the message through. I also got very hacked off when the activity didn't start til 1930 and finished at 2200, and yet parents dropped off their off spring at 1845 (as you're always there early), and didn't pick them up til gone 2300 at times (was at a dinner party), which meant I had to wait with the kids, as I couldn't sod off and leave them (well, I could have done, but would have got rocks for it).

I don't want to get sucked into the politics of it all

me neither, my new style is I let the secretary know I'm available for events & I turn up to help at the event if they ask (they usually ask). Where I serve tea or sell books or whatever. I don't go to planning meetings (which is where the political tedium happens).

As long as I don't dislike the other members, that system works quite well.

I also don't want to get sucked into being secretary or chair... fell into that trap a few times, eek.

This thread has been a real eye opener . I have no idea what the PTA does at my daughters school (she's in reception). I work full time, and study and don't do pick ups or drop offs. So far the knowledge I have from her school has been :

• 2 texts asking me to come to meetings at 10 on a school day - am at work. The first text I didn't even understand what it was, as its not called PTA here.
• apparently they organised a disco at Christmas, but I received no information on it, and when I finally heard about it it was sold out. Apparently you had to buy tickets from a particular mum - no idea who this is

That's it. I suspect there are other things going on we never hear about. I'd happily turn up to an event at the weekend or evening, but so far the message seems to be that whatever is going on is not aimed at me or my daughter.

When I see one of the volunteers I'll mention that they are having their cake and eating it too.

My cake comment was in reference to someone complaining that PTA members were mostly women because men don't have the pressure or don't care but they then also complained that the last two heads of PTA were men.

pounding

"I also think the whole structure of schools is a feminist issue because they work on the assumption that there is always a parent who is either around in the day time to attend events, help out, parents evenings (which are actually always in the afternoon...) or who has plenty of time to assist with quite involved home-based craft projects, baking, etc."

It would be a feminist issue if they only expected women to do it. The fact that it could just as easily be the father means it clearly isn't a feminist issue.

"I have to say, though, that my DC's school never made me feel bad about it"

Yet it's still a feminist issue? Sounds like any perceived slight becomes a feminist issue.

My two are at high school now and I sort of miss all the PTA stuff at First School. A lot of it was done in the evenings, sometimes at the pub. And a mix of Mums and Dads/Grandparents.
They would email and ask for help with stuff and those that wanted to did, and those that didn't want to didn't.

I didn't want to be Chair or Treasurer or anything and said that, but no problem wrapping a few boxes at Christmas or setting up/taking down.

Strange thread though.

Herecome, you're missing the point.
At many, many schools there are groups of mothers running the PTA and - whether made explicit or not - the assumption is that it will be mothers who are expected to help out.
Men are simply not subjected to the same rules and expectations as mothers. They are allowed to work and that is often seen as enough.
Women are expected to be full time mothers and to hold jobs and to help with the PTA and to be friends with the other mothers...
That is how it is

I would happily just pay £50 at the beginning of term and be done with all the extra faffing about with fundraising activities

Agreed.

"I would happily just pay £50 at the beginning of term and be done with all the extra faffing about with fundraising activities"

People always say this. You'll forgive my cynicism when I tell you that in all of the 5 PTAs I have been involved with over the past 15 years, I have always offered this as an option. "Bung us £X and I promise never to contact you again" and IIRC 3 people actually did.

£50 would be a bit on the low side IIRC. When I had 2 DC at First School I spent way more than that over a year with Spring Fetes, Christmas Fayres and loads of other fundraisers.

I've often thought the same thing but I'd put it at £300 for the year.

I am kinda on the fence on this one.

While the pta does a great job of fundraising, some of the leaders are pretty scary and not that friendly generally til they want your help. I have had a couple ignore me all year until they want me to help at the summer fete. I think if they are the face of the school they need a certain charisma too. I think this is sometime why pta has a bad rep. Saying that, there's a lot of new blood joining this year who are different.

Also, we all.help the pta by contributing to non uniform days, tombola.prizes even if it is hard to help In person.

I have also been on a handful of.mums nights in the hope of meeting new.people . Many have been a bit cringe - like a bad date. And I've been blanked after even when we've seemingly had a good time with no one speaking out of turn.

I do get op. I am one who does not suit the school environment. I find it unnatural with too many people the same. The only other time I had this was at school myself and didn't get on with it then . When ds is at secondary school, I'll never be in that environment again

I know this thread is about PTA's and I am hijacking shamelessly...

Some schools rely upon parent volunteers to carry on reading groups, help with 1-2-1 or small group work for children than need extra help. Its not just fund raising.

The opportunity to do this is open to all parents. However, proportionately more women than men carry out this unpaid but necessary volunteer work. Just because it is open to all doesnt negate the fact that in practice it has a more significant impact on women than men.
This unpaid support enables the government to cut/not increase spending on education and SEN and reduce services. And by not receiving pay for their efforts these women also miss out on pension contributions etc despite spending half a day/a day per week for all intents and purposes working.

Therefore I think this qualifies as a feminist issue amongst other things. But then I think the amount of unpaid care work women are often expected to provide is also a feminist issue.

Whatever - I am very grateful to the volunteers male or female.

Ok - I feel better now for just getting it off my chest - as you were .