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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thoroughly disappointed with my 40th birthday present?

223 replies

SpoiltUngratefulWretch · 26/04/2016 15:28

Have name changed for this for obvious reasons. Blush

I know IABU really but I just need to vent.

A silver Pandora Bracelet with a few starter charms on it. It has cost about £200. I don't like Pandora bracelets, I never have. I mean I don't hate them, they are fine if you like that sort of thing, but I don't. They are now ubiquitous to the point of being a bit naff and If I'd wanted one I'd have got it 10 years ago, when they were all the rage. Confused

Family members clubbed together at the suggestion of my mum because a couple of women in my family have them and never seem to wear them anyway so my mum assumed I would like one too, without asking me or DH for opinions or other ideas, of which I had several.

I am notoriously difficult to buy for so a surprise thing to wear was always going to be risky. It's not that I missed out on a better present - I really don't care about that, I am just frustrated and embarrassed that they have spent so much money on something I have no interest in and it could so easily have been avoided. It makes me feel guilty knowing they will be expecting to see me wear it.

At the moment it looks pretty dull with just three fairly plain charms and I object to the amount money that needs to be spent to fill the bracelet to the point that it starts to look less dull. It's throwing good money after bad. It will cost hundreds and hundreds of pounds that I have no intention of spending.

And this is the worst bit. My mother said she will always know what to get me for Christmas and birthdays from now on and she can suggest to my DH and my kids that they can buy me more charms, so that's them investing around between 50 to 75 quid a time in this bloody thing that i don't want, every Christmas and birthday for the next few years. Sad

And the only way I can halt it is by being honest, hurting her feelings and annoying my siblings by seeming ungrateful.

It's a dilemma. If I don't wear it she will ask why and feel hurt. If I do wear it they will think I love it and keep buying me charms. I can't win!

OP posts:
Justputyourshoesonnow · 26/04/2016 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiggywinkler · 26/04/2016 15:31

Could you perhaps be allergic to the metal?

Ever so odd, never happened before, have to exchange it for one that doesn't irritate, such a terrible shame etc.

Drinksforeveryone · 26/04/2016 15:32

Aaargh!!

Say you lost it?

Develop an allergy to whatever metal it is made of.?

CodyKing · 26/04/2016 15:33

Just don't wear it - tell DH no charms -

Tell DM your saving it as an heirloom

Lazyafternoon · 26/04/2016 15:33

I'd be honest, but break it gently. Perhaps check if you can return it beforehand too. Thank them for really kind thought, but it's just not your sort of thing. It''ll only get worse if your mum plans on all your presents being charms for the wretched thing!

averylongtimeago · 26/04/2016 15:34

I got anti wrinkle cream for my 50th.....so could be worse...

PPie10 · 26/04/2016 15:34

Yanbu to be disappointed. I too would rather be honest, you could get a refund and buy something lovely for that price.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 26/04/2016 15:35

Oh I know the feeling. Even if you know you're being ungrateful, it's still how you feel!

FIL does this - well, a bit different. Buys expensive presents if he hears a whisper of a word of interest. I'd rather he just be a nice person and not give me any Xmas/bday gifts! Then you eek obliged to use it/keep it out on the counter/buy the expensive coffee pods etc. Gah!

Lasaraleen · 26/04/2016 15:36

If you are notoriously difficult to buy for, I suspect your family has bought you one so they never have to think about what to get for you again. They'll be buying charms for the next 20 years...

Chlobee87 · 26/04/2016 15:36

It's not ungrateful OP, you can't help it if you don't like something. And wearing it when you see them doesn't address the issue of them continuing to spend money on something you don't like. It's not as though it's pennies.

I think Tiggywinkler has a good idea. I'd be tempted to go with that. Saves face for everybody and hopefully prevents them wasting more money down the line.

KeepingitReal2 · 26/04/2016 15:36

Be grateful you got something got nothing from my family

RaeSkywalker · 26/04/2016 15:36

I'd wear it when I saw my family, and tell DH and DCs no charms.

I get where you're coming from r.e the money, but I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.

redhat · 26/04/2016 15:36

Your mum bought it. She bought it with love trying to buy something she thought you'd like. In my book that means you have to suck it up and wear it when she's around.

My mum is staying tonight. I shall be wearing the size 14 PJs she bought me for Christmas even though I'm a size 8 !

MrsNuckyT · 26/04/2016 15:36

Just be honest. Thank you SOOOO much for the lovely thought, but I've been fretting and have decided to be honest that this just isn't me! I just don't think I'll wear it enough to be worthwhile and I'd much rather have [insert name of something less expensive] and that you all keep the rest of the money.

Or something.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 26/04/2016 15:36

Disclaimer - no offence to Swarovski lovers - it's just not my cup of tea.

I feel your pain. My mum bought me two Swarovski necklaces and a pair of earrings last year. They really aren't me, very showy. I wear them occasionally when I see her. This year for Mother's Day my 13-year -old son bought me another hideous Swarovski necklace. He spent his precious pocket money on it, I feel awful.

Don't know what to do to stem the tide! I'll be drowning in the stuff before I know if!

KittensandKnitting · 26/04/2016 15:36

I think you know you should be grateful, they obviously thought you would like it but the reality is you don't like it. So I think you need to be honest with them if you really dislike it that much and can't learn to love it...

Not an easy conversation though, don't think I could do it.

HappyFatty · 26/04/2016 15:38

Honesty is the best policy here OP. I don't think you're being ungrateful either. When will people realise buying surprise gifts for people is for the benefit of the buyer NOT the receiver! Just tell your Mum that is was so sweet to want to buy something special for you but that it's really not something you'd wear and it's certainly not something you'd want adding to. Believe me it'll come out and it's better now than 5 years down the line when even more has been spent on it as then not only will they have hurt feelings (which they will, but that is not your fault) but you'll have lied to them (which will have been your fault) Good Luck!

LeaLeander · 26/04/2016 15:38

Be honest and return it. Otherwise your resentment will fester every time you look at it.

that's too much money to let it lie in a drawer.

LemonBreeland · 26/04/2016 15:38

I think you need to be honest. If it was just the bracelet then you could suck it up, but the fact that you are never going to get a Christmas or Birthday present you like or want for the forseeable future because of it, I think you need to say something.

VenusRising · 26/04/2016 15:39

I got pneumonia for my 40th, so I think you're lucky.

Return the bracket and buy yourself a trip to Venice or somewhere nice.

witsender · 26/04/2016 15:39

Just wear it but comment on how much you like it plain, and what a shame it would be to stack it full of charms.

Voteforpedr0 · 26/04/2016 15:39

Just to save anymore awkwardness for future gifts, I would just say you don't like it but appreciate the thought and generosity.

Original poster
SpoiltUngratefulWretch · 26/04/2016 15:40

Grin at Venus!

OP posts:
Original poster
SpoiltUngratefulWretch · 26/04/2016 15:41

witsender that is genius, thank you.

OP posts:
GeorgeTheThird · 26/04/2016 15:46

They'll still buy charms. You could swap them on and off, after all.