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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thoroughly disappointed with my 40th birthday present?

223 replies

SpoiltUngratefulWretch · 26/04/2016 15:28

Have name changed for this for obvious reasons. Blush

I know IABU really but I just need to vent.

A silver Pandora Bracelet with a few starter charms on it. It has cost about £200. I don't like Pandora bracelets, I never have. I mean I don't hate them, they are fine if you like that sort of thing, but I don't. They are now ubiquitous to the point of being a bit naff and If I'd wanted one I'd have got it 10 years ago, when they were all the rage. Confused

Family members clubbed together at the suggestion of my mum because a couple of women in my family have them and never seem to wear them anyway so my mum assumed I would like one too, without asking me or DH for opinions or other ideas, of which I had several.

I am notoriously difficult to buy for so a surprise thing to wear was always going to be risky. It's not that I missed out on a better present - I really don't care about that, I am just frustrated and embarrassed that they have spent so much money on something I have no interest in and it could so easily have been avoided. It makes me feel guilty knowing they will be expecting to see me wear it.

At the moment it looks pretty dull with just three fairly plain charms and I object to the amount money that needs to be spent to fill the bracelet to the point that it starts to look less dull. It's throwing good money after bad. It will cost hundreds and hundreds of pounds that I have no intention of spending.

And this is the worst bit. My mother said she will always know what to get me for Christmas and birthdays from now on and she can suggest to my DH and my kids that they can buy me more charms, so that's them investing around between 50 to 75 quid a time in this bloody thing that i don't want, every Christmas and birthday for the next few years. Sad

And the only way I can halt it is by being honest, hurting her feelings and annoying my siblings by seeming ungrateful.

It's a dilemma. If I don't wear it she will ask why and feel hurt. If I do wear it they will think I love it and keep buying me charms. I can't win!

OP posts:
ephemeralfairy · 26/04/2016 17:07

YANBU. If I bought something for somebody that they didn't like I'd want them to tell me, so that they could have something they'd get real pleasure from.

Also, if it was someone I was close to I'd be mortified that I'd got it so wrong. Doesn't sound like they put much thought into it at all. I'd be hurt by that.

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 26/04/2016 17:14

i would be honest and tell them i don't like it.

RalphSteadmansEye · 26/04/2016 17:14

You have to say something - Pandora bracelets are horrible. I would be devastated to think my family knew my taste so badly that they bought me one!

Now, if it were a one off, fair enough, just smile. But to receive charms forever more - just, no! What a waste of money.

motherinferior · 26/04/2016 17:16

Return it. Get something lovely with the money. That you actually like.

314inTheSky · 26/04/2016 17:18

U have all of my sympathy. I got one for myvfortieth five years ago and it is in a drawer. Exchange it if at all possible. Or put on a buy sell swap local facebook page??

Pickitup · 26/04/2016 17:19

I think you need to say you have seen something else you prefer and could you exchange it. Otherwise, it's going to fester on and you will be annoyed each birthday / christmas / other gift buying occasion.
Perhaps in advance of saying anything, do a list of things you like and point your mum in the direction of that.

I am in a group of friends who club together and buy nice presents on big birthdays. The first one to have a big birthday got a lovely bag, the second one got a voucher for an experience she had been wanting. When it came to my turn, i got a piece of jewellery that left me feeling a bit "meh", as it's not my cup of tea at all. I do feel slightly disappointed but it's not the same as receiving a gift from family. Yours also has the added thing that it will be added to and questions will be asked as to why you arent wearing it etc.

MrsJayy · 26/04/2016 17:22

I got a swarkofski (spelling) pendant from my mum and sister for my 40th i dont like jewellery soo i wear it at christmas and if we are going to a family thing so they can see it. Tbh just accept it graciously and wear it when you see them and tell your dh no charms. Or develop an allergy

kelda · 26/04/2016 17:26

I really wouldn't say anything. It is s thoughtful gift and they would be upset if they knew you don't like it. Do suggest that you prefer it plain.

Do you have a female relative who can wear it in a few years? Then you can play up how special it is, a real piece of family jewellery.

Housewife2010 · 26/04/2016 17:29

My best friend (at the time) gave me a book voucher for my 30th. She didn't get me a separate card either - just wrote in the one that came with the voucher. I hadn't wanted any special fuss as I was feeling mortified at bring so old ( wish I was that age now!) but something more personal like all her previous presents would have been far nicer!

CubicZirconiaBossyBabe · 26/04/2016 17:54

I hear ya OP

And unfortunately, in this case, you have to say something because it'll snowball as you say with charms forever more every birthday and christmas.

I would be hurt and angry with a pandora bracelet personally because it would just be so un me that I'ld feel upset that people who know me well bought something that I would think anyone who knows me wouldn't chose for me IYKWIM. I'ld rather nothing, or a cheap bunch of flowers, to an expensive gift that shows me that the givers don't really get me as a person.

MrsJayy · 26/04/2016 18:05

Is there another bracelet you prefer the links of Londons are not as chunky as pandora and the charms are a bit more subtle .

acasualobserver · 26/04/2016 18:17

Could you arrange to have your house burgled? Or even do it yourself?

BoatyMcBoat · 26/04/2016 18:18

You can definitely tell your dh you hate it and don't want it, and not to buy you anything for it ever. That's no problem. He can tell your children if you can't. If you're lucky, one of them will make a bit of a gaff and mention in front of your mum that it's not your thing, but at the least he and the kids will not buy any charms for you.

Can you really not tell your sisters? I can see that telling your mum would be harder, but your sisters?

I think I would be selling it/taking it back to the shop for a refund, and then buy myself something I actually wanted. It depends how often you see them all.

oldsilver · 26/04/2016 18:30

My 40th was a bit naff as well: Ann Summers origami set Shock , encyclopedia on family illnesses as if Dr Google isn't scary enough and 200 fags all from DP (no family). He wasn't happy that I was not impressed. He has improved over the years but my 50th is next week and I may have mentioned that my iron is on it's way out...I am a tad worried.

signalred · 26/04/2016 18:34

I'd go with allergy X

oldlaundbooth · 26/04/2016 18:56

I hate Pandora too OP.

It's basically co-op jewelry. Awful stuff.

Tell your relatives and get a refund.

oldlaundbooth · 26/04/2016 18:57

'I don't get this "you have to wear it, it was a gift" bollocks. '

I agree with the General.

You don't have to wear the damn gift.

TealLove · 26/04/2016 19:08

Put it away for your DD on her 16 th

BertieBeats · 26/04/2016 19:15

I think it's quite nice for your family to club around for it ,I usually just get money. Partner got me a pandora bracelet for Christmas, something I'd asked for actually and had said to him "you'll always have something to get me for birthdays and Christmas's now". Come Mothers Day of the year following (he'd bought me charms for Valentines day as well ) I was sick of it, lol. I think because I noticed just how popular it was and do like unique pieces. However ,the kids did get me some charms so have it as more sentimental value now 😊

BennyTheBall · 26/04/2016 19:44

Take it back, before you are lumbered with it and years of having to feign delight at another bloody charm.

I have got 2, full of charms, and I haven't worn them for years.

notquitehuman · 26/04/2016 19:52

Buy a bunch of those fake charms off eBay that fit Pandora bracelets. Oh no! Now your bracelet is full and you can't fit any more charms on it. People will have to find something else to buy you.

Original poster
SpoiltUngratefulWretch · 26/04/2016 21:28

Ok some great ideas here, thank you. I really can't return it or tell them I don't like it, plus I assumed it would not even be possible to return it for a refund so I chucked the gift receipt in a fit of pique.

I am going to go with the 'I prefer it plain' line and have already told DH how I feel, so hopefully he and the DCs won't be adding to it. Luckily I don't live very close to my family or see them weekly or anything so I can get away with not wearing it all the time without them noticing. DD is 16 and a goth/metal head type so she wouldn't be seen dead in it so no point saving it for her.

Perhaps it's something I will just save for when my mum is around and I will have to start thinking ahead of alternative things I might like for Christmas, to head her off at the pass. Grin

A couple of posters have hit the nail on the head about how I feel, it's as if the people who should know me best don't really know me at all.

OP posts:
HemlockStarglimmer · 26/04/2016 21:38

oldsilver - Be worried. I was given a loo seat from my husband for my 50th under very similar circumstances!

Riversiderunner · 26/04/2016 22:19

This thread made me laugh!

I totally get where you are coming from... 'throwing good money after bad' etc.

Sorry I don't have a solution!

vanillaessence04 · 26/04/2016 22:34

Ugh @SpoiltUngratefulWretch my mum did the same. I was so disappointed, too! I have no interest in it and also, although is a few charms it's heavy and aggravates the tendons in my wrist. I'd rather she'd spent the money on vouchers or something and I could've chosen something I really want. FYI so far I found that not wearing it means I've not gotten any more charms. She's not asked me about it but if she did I'd say that it was perfect as is and I didn't want any more charms because of the weight.

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