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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about comments over me not being auntie

215 replies

sazzleish · 02/04/2016 19:59

Ok, so DP's brother and his wife have recently had their first child. I will say in the first instance that I do not get on with the wife but am civil in family situations. I am engaged to DP and we are marrying soon.

Anyway, when the baby was born I organised a gift and card, we were both very excited to meet the baby, it's the first in either of our families. I signed the card Uncle DP and Auntie me. I know I'm not technically his auntie yet but as we are getting married in two months I didn't think it was worth saying anything different.

Today I received a text from baby's mum asking would I please not refer to myself as auntie because I wasn't even married and they don't want child referring to non-blood relatives as auntie and uncle. I was taken aback and really quite upset, I consider him just as much my nephew as if my sister had a child. I don't differentiate between my own aunties and uncles and love them all equally.

So am I being unreasonable or should I just refer to myself as my name in future cards etc?

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 02/04/2016 20:00

I guess ultimately it is their decision but it does seem a bit odd... I think you have to just go with it, as the child gets older you may become aunty anyway

wannadancethenightaway · 02/04/2016 20:01

She is a bitch.

Do not upset yourself.

Danglyweed · 02/04/2016 20:01

What a bitch!!! In future make sure aunties written in capitals. What does your dp say about it?

EatShitDerek · 02/04/2016 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuzzyOwl · 02/04/2016 20:01

YANBU and she sounds incredibly rude. When you have children, I would tell her that she is not to refer to herself as their aunt either but hopefully you will be a bigger person than me and not do that because it is the children that miss out.

Gizlotsmum · 02/04/2016 20:02

Must say we only referred to my sis in laws partner as 'uncle' once they had been together a while

incandescentalright · 02/04/2016 20:03

YANBU, that's awful. And wtf about non-blood relatives not being auntie and uncle, who does that? I would not reply to the message, except with something like this - I was taken aback and really quite upset, I consider him just as much my nephew as if my sister had a child. I don't differentiate between my own aunties and uncles and love them all equally - which I think is such a lovely sentiment. But I think your DP needs to handle this one with his DB. He needs to tell his DB that you are a permanent fixture in his life and that if they want him to be uncle then you will also, as his wife, be auntie. Hopefully they can sort it out between them. But how horrible, I'm not surprised you're upset, and hope you stay in the kid's life as it sounds like he might need some supportive family members with such an unpleasant mother!

squoosh · 02/04/2016 20:03

weird beahviour from future SIL (in case she read's this thread and gets angry at me saying you're sisters in law Wink)

Isn't it irksome that marrying lovely people sometimes mean acquiring awful relatives?

MammaTJ · 02/04/2016 20:04

YANBU, that is plain nasty!

I met DP when his niece and nephew were older and they don't even call him uncle, but in the case of a baby, when you are getting married in 2 months, it is ridiculous and petty!

In my opinion, the more people there are to love a baby, the better it is for them!

My Own DD had a baby not long ago, this baby will call my DP 'Grumpy', she will also call my exH wife, who was the OW Nanna. She has three sets of grandparent, who all adore her. I cannot get upset about people loving the Granddaughter I adore!

RudeElf · 02/04/2016 20:04

Call yourself what you like. Take extra pleasure from the fact it boils her piss every time Grin

huskylover · 02/04/2016 20:05

Bloody hell, she sounds like a total Bitch. What a cheek!

Answer - Don't send any more cards. Let DP send them, just from him. Disengage. Don't go the Christening or anything.

Life is too short to deal with this shit!

Flowers for you and Wine

EverySongbirdSays · 02/04/2016 20:05

I remember my Aunt once telling my DM "she wasn't blood" even though my parents were married for almost 25 yrs.

She is being a twat deliberately especially as you are soon to be married and it's the form that you will be Auntie then.

I would reply with 'what will you be asking your child to call me when I am his uncles wife in 8 weeks time"

FuzzyOwl · 02/04/2016 20:05

^ What RudeElf says. Grin

Hygge · 02/04/2016 20:06

She's a nasty cow.

It's not like you're a brand new girlfriend or anything, you are marrying him in two months.

She'll soon be complaining if you start to favour your side of the family above her child. She's using her child to score a point against you, and that's really petty. Try not to let her get to you.

Permanentlyexhausted · 02/04/2016 20:07

She is being a cow. YOU get to decide what you are called. If you want to refer to yourself as Auntie, then go ahead.

Penfold007 · 02/04/2016 20:07

What has your DP said?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 02/04/2016 20:08

Go along with it, let the BLOOD UNCLE buy all presents and cards etc and deal with all visits and news and Facebook likes and general enquiries and asking after of the baby and see how long it takes her to complain that you're showing no interest in her baby Grin

camtt · 02/04/2016 20:08

ridiculous - by the time the child is able to refer to you as anything you will be a fully married actual auntie. Bet she'd complain if you didn't behave like an auntie when it came to remembering birthdays and Christmas.

Pancakeflipper · 02/04/2016 20:08

What does your DP say about this?

I find it odd and a little bit sad as I had lots of Aunts and Uncles. Even people totally unrelated to us but close friends of my parents and they added a lot to my childhood (and adulthood).

If you decide to not be signing as Aunt - still be brilliant to your nephew and add love to his life. They decide who they like - not the awkward mother.

Griphook · 02/04/2016 20:10

Just text back a breezy, no worries, no offence taken text, and let her think about it a bit too

2plus1plusL1 · 02/04/2016 20:10

My DH's sis (DP at the time) was very clear that only blood family could be known as aunt and uncle -similar situation. I'm not sure if she was trying to make a point as she was always nice to my face. I did judge her and now even though we now have married and have two children together I still don't refer to myself as auntie. I mean it's only me that buys all the birthday, Christmas presents, encourage contact etc. I don't see how marriage make me more of an Aunty than I was.

NewLife4Me · 02/04/2016 20:11

I too would ask how she would like to refer to you as you buy the presents and write cards for your future family in law.
As she isn't blood how would she like you to refer to her.

EatShitDerek · 02/04/2016 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok · 02/04/2016 20:11

Yes, do what RudeElf says!

She's a bitch. She's obviously very insecure and feels threatened by you. Just let it wash over you.

Clobbered · 02/04/2016 20:11

When I was growing up, it was perfectly normal to refer to my parents' friends as Auntie and Uncle whatever, even if we weren't related. I guess that practice has died out now, and seems quite old-fashioned, but it's certainly still the norm within most families I think. Your SIL to be is being horrible, but I'd be interested to know how your DP views this (and whether he is prepared to stick up for you).