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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about comments over me not being auntie

215 replies

sazzleish · 02/04/2016 19:59

Ok, so DP's brother and his wife have recently had their first child. I will say in the first instance that I do not get on with the wife but am civil in family situations. I am engaged to DP and we are marrying soon.

Anyway, when the baby was born I organised a gift and card, we were both very excited to meet the baby, it's the first in either of our families. I signed the card Uncle DP and Auntie me. I know I'm not technically his auntie yet but as we are getting married in two months I didn't think it was worth saying anything different.

Today I received a text from baby's mum asking would I please not refer to myself as auntie because I wasn't even married and they don't want child referring to non-blood relatives as auntie and uncle. I was taken aback and really quite upset, I consider him just as much my nephew as if my sister had a child. I don't differentiate between my own aunties and uncles and love them all equally.

So am I being unreasonable or should I just refer to myself as my name in future cards etc?

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 02/04/2016 20:12

Wow, she sounds batshit. I love RudeElf's suggestion. Make that baby love you just to upset it's wanky Mum.

Helmetbymidnight · 02/04/2016 20:12

She's nuts, ignore.

candykane25 · 02/04/2016 20:12

In that case they can't call her brother uncle. Uncles live with aunties. Married or not. If your not the auntie, he can't be the uncle can he. So insist niece/nephew call you and DP by first names only. If they complain, say when you have children you would think it strange if she is Auntie X but her husband isn't Uncle (not blood relative) so to keep it simple they will be known by first names only. After all, it's her rule that caused the situation. And smile.

She is a cow. Tell everyone you know and then some. Tell strangers in cafes. People in bus stops. Let everyone know what a nasty cow she is.

Heyheyheygoodbye · 02/04/2016 20:13

Wtf this is bizarre. But then I was raised to call every woman my DM's age 'Auntie' so maybe my view is skewed Grin I am Auntie to my BFF's kids though, and never mind being related!

I cannot imagine getting to a place in my head where I would think it ok to write that text she sent to you. How horrible.

Birthgeek · 02/04/2016 20:13

Did you reply yet?

"Oh dear. I'm so very deeply sorry to have offended you. What would you like me to refer to myself as, in reference to baby after X date (wedding)? Will I be considered part of the family then, or not? Or should I simply use my name? Don't want to repeat my mistake, lol"

Arkhamasylum · 02/04/2016 20:15

That's horrible, OP.

I would be tempted to apologise profusely, then tell them they will want to send your present back since YOU bought it and not the baby's blood-matched uncle. That wouldn't help, though.

I'd just take it on the chin and keep it in mind for the future.

Liara · 02/04/2016 20:15

Well, she is being a bit of a twat, but I must admit having people refer to themselves as auntie and uncle is a pretty naff thing to do.

It is up to the parents whether they want to refer to relatives by their 'titles'. In my family we use people's names to refer to them, and both my children and me find it fairly offputting people calling themselves auntie, uncle or whatever. It feels like they are trying to stake a claim on the dc, before they have even done anything for them. For the record, the members of my family who refer to themselves by name are very, very involved in the dc's lives. Those of dh's, who are more of the 'auntie, uncle' variety rarely lift a finger and have virtually no relationship.

I bite my tongue and don't say anything, though. I just think it.

sepa · 02/04/2016 20:15

What a bitch. I'm not married to DP and I am auntie to 'his' niece and nephew. We have a child together (after the niece and nephew) and unmarried DP to OH sister is my child's uncle. His mum has a new partner (following His fathers death) who we refer to as grandad. His mum is not married to this guy.
I think the more 'family' the better. Who wouldn't?

When you have kids do the same back!

AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 02/04/2016 20:15

Definitely agree with Rudeelf then she will have to confront you in public and you can eye roll her out of it.

ChasingPavements · 02/04/2016 20:15

She's a bitch who is using her new born baby to score points, which makes her an even bigger bitch.

I'm sure that her baby won't be referring to anyone as anything for a good year or two yet, so I am sure that it was completely unnecessary of her to have done anything other than to graciously thank you for your card and gift.

Beansprout30 · 02/04/2016 20:15

Ooh she's nasty. My brother is not married to his gf but I automatically call her aunty for my baby, I wouldn't think of her as anything less!

SugarplumMary · 02/04/2016 20:15

they don't want child referring to non-blood relatives as auntie and uncle. I was taken aback and really quite upset, I consider him just as much my nephew as if my sister had a child

My own parents do this to my DH - we were married when DN came along in fact had children our selves. DN parents went along as my parents provide lots of free childcare.

DN parents split - very mixed family - step siblings, half siblings, Step GP, uncles/Aunts who are cousins or ex P of blood family, new partners referred to as step mums and their kids as step only to not last a year, friends of other GM called Aunty.

You'd think they'd let it go - but no he still name and I'm Aunty Sugar. We ignore but doesn't help with us feeling close to parents or DN.

Birthgeek · 02/04/2016 20:15

Though she'd probably take that seriously... I'd take RudeElf's advice to call yourself auntie regardless!

TruJay · 02/04/2016 20:16

Aww that's sad, I will never understand why people object to people loving their child. In my opinion you are most certainly the child's auntie as you are due to become his uncle's wife, his life partner, in a matter of weeks.
I agree with disliking it when people call family friends auntie when they're not unless they play a huge part in the child's life, my mil does that to my dc with family friends that my dh and his siblings called auntie/uncle - I don't like that as they are not aunts/uncles.
How lovely of you to show involvement with the new family member like that and you are right to feel upset that it's been thrown back in your face. We've had to practically beg dh's siblings to be involved apparently we never asked them to be aunties so they didn't know they were supposed to be Hmm

PerspicaciaTick · 02/04/2016 20:16

Sign all future correspondence "Lots of love and hugs from Aunty McAuntface"

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 02/04/2016 20:17

Re send a card with Uncle X and Mrs X to be

trinity0097 · 02/04/2016 20:17

I get called Auntie Trinity by a colleague/friend to her baby/toddler - absolutely no blood relation at all!

Weird, it doesn't really matter what you put, continue with writing auntie and uncle!

ElderlyKoreanLady · 02/04/2016 20:17

It's because she doesn't see you as a permanent fixture and also partially because she's a bitch.

I was extremely annoyed when DB left his DW, shacked up with OW the same week and he, OW and my DM all started referring to OW as 'aunty' to my DD immediately. As far as I was concerned, they should have waited until I referred to her as that, and it wouldn't have happened until I knew she wasn't as disposable as his DW. However, DD is small enough to not know about these titles and I'm not a petty arse so I kept my displeasure to myself.

SugarplumMary · 02/04/2016 20:18

OH DN herself refers to DH as Uncle name but my parents have corrected but stopped doing that at least.

All our DC are prefaced with cousin name as well - I think my parents have drilled that in - I just called my cousins when I saw them by their names. Sounds odd to me the cousin name - like Cousin IT in Adams family.

Usually we ignore it all as best we can.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 02/04/2016 20:20

What a fucking horrible thing to do :(
That would hurt me beyond measure.

You'd think that just having had a child she'd be feeling magnanimous and giving and stuff.

And yes, let the actual proper uncle do all the shopping and choosing and buying and card writing.

lateforeverything · 02/04/2016 20:20

She's a bitch who is using her new born baby to score points, which makes her an even bigger bitch.

Spot on ChasingPavements

Silly cow. Yanbu

Arkhamasylum · 02/04/2016 20:22

Yes, you really could passive aggressive the shit out of this by signing things 'Uncle x and Uncle x's wife to be, who thinks you're the cutest baby in the world'.

Your SIL will be really embarrassed about this one day, with any luck.

candykane25 · 02/04/2016 20:23

Love Aunty McAuntface perspic !!! Grin

Arkhamasylum · 02/04/2016 20:23

Cross-post with giraffe!

Original poster
sazzleish · 02/04/2016 20:24

We have been together for 7 years, I've also know DP's DB since I was 11 years old. DP is upset too, but not surprised. To top it off I've just seen a comment on Facebook directed towards her sister and boyfriend calling him uncle.

OP posts:
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