To be upset about comments over me not being auntie

[sazzleish]

Ok, so DP's brother and his wife have recently had their first child. I will say in the first instance that I do not get on with the wife but am civil in family situations. I am engaged to DP and we are marrying soon.

Anyway, when the baby was born I organised a gift and card, we were both very excited to meet the baby, it's the first in either of our families. I signed the card Uncle DP and Auntie me. I know I'm not technically his auntie yet but as we are getting married in two months I didn't think it was worth saying anything different.

Today I received a text from baby's mum asking would I please not refer to myself as auntie because I wasn't even married and they don't want child referring to non-blood relatives as auntie and uncle. I was taken aback and really quite upset, I consider him just as much my nephew as if my sister had a child. I don't differentiate between my own aunties and uncles and love them all equally.

So am I being unreasonable or should I just refer to myself as my name in future cards etc?

[NewLife4Me]

She doesn't seem to like her husband's side of the family and is trying to alienate him from his family.
probably very jealous of you and really not worth bothering about.

As tempting as it is to post something on fb, you are the better person.
Maybe bil will come to his senses one day and see what a controlling self centred bitch she is.

Her family will probably be very much in the picture, and I pity their children tbh.
It will be awful growing up knowing you have a whole side of your family who your mother won't entertain.

[mudandmayhem01]

My best friend is always called auntie sally by my dc, its a mark of love and respect. Something this woman obviously doesn't understand!

[YakTriangle]

'I apologise for having offended you by sending X a present. I won't make that mistake again.'
Bitchbag.

[USERNAME213]

But why did she feel the need to text about it? Fine, she was clearly unhappy about you calling yourself that but why not just be quiet?

She clearly has wider issues with you.

[NameChange30]

Look, she clearly wants to isolate your BIL from his entire family - she has already succeeded with the parents, and she is well on the way to driving a wedge between the brothers too. So actually this isn't really about you (although it must be very hurtful). She is a crazy bitch and the problem is with her, not you. It's a good thing they're not going to your wedding. I think you should completely disengage - unfollow (and maybe unfriend) her on Facebook. Don't contact her directly or respond if she contacts you. Let your DP organise cards, presents and meeting up with them if he wants to. Support him to keep the relationship with his brother going (as much as crazy bitch SIL with allow) but apart from that don't get involved.

Also... under no circumstances should you or your DP send any kind of reply, message or card saying "sorry" "apologies" or "I apologise"... You have NOTHING to apologise for! You sent them a lovely card and present FFS! You are excited about the baby and happy for them! The only apology that's needed here is from SIL to you, not that she will apologise, of course. So the best thing for you to do is ignore it.

[ZanyMobster]

She is just plain nasty but your DH ought to say something IMO.

My brothers gf was always Auntie and DS1 was 18months when they got married. The DCs godparents are referred to as Aunties and Uncles and also some of our other close friends.

[PlaymobilPirate]

I'd text back 'OK, in my family only real aunties buy presents, it's a tradition. .. hope you understand' x

[Pinkheart5915]

It was rude they way she texted and said this, but I suspect this is due to you two not really getting on.
It is really there choice if they want the child to refer to you as Auntie. I've never known any body to take such a strong view on it.
I call my aunties by there name unless it's a card then I write auntie whoever.
My ds when ever my brother and my sister in law we always say to ds auntie her name has come to see you.

In future cards just put your name, but I wouldn't apologise for sending auntie me in the congrats birth card along with the presents you done a nice thing.

[BitchPeas]

Text back:

😂 Gosh, you are fucking hilare my love. See you soon, hugs and kisses to my little DN from Aunty xxx

Will wind her up into a frenzy

[badg3r]

Sign all future cards from uncle and not-auntie sazzle

[nocabbageinmyeye]

My brother kept saying "aunty x" about me to my nephew, i love my nephew but it made me want to scratch my eyes out being called aunty x so I said can I not just be x please. Same with my kids, they don't call anyone aunty/uncle. When I had dd2 my bil went through a phase of calling himself uncle x, he stopped thankfully but I would have had to say something if he didn't, not because he was married to sil but because I just cannot abide aunty/uncle. Maybe she is just trying to minimse the use because she doesn't like it either?

But I think signing cards aunty x uncle y is weird so obviously I think differently to op anyway but maybe sil feels similarly to me? That coupled with the fact she doesn't like you (a mutual dislike), if that's the case I could understand it, I wouldn't have phrased it like that but I would have said something (nicely/jokingly)

[SinisterBumFacedCat]

This is bonkers. I grew up with an army of Uncles and Aunties who had no obvious family link, it was mainly a term of affection. Poor kid growing up with wankers like that for parents. You are definitely NBU Op

[AuntJane]

I suggest that you invite DPs brother to your wedding in sight weeks' time, but not his wife. After all, she isn't a blood relative, just a relative through marriage.

[Bogeyface]

My SIL hates my guts, seriously LOATHES me, because I once had the temerity to say "No" to her and no one is allowed to do that. And then, to make matters worse, I didnt back down, apologise, grovel and beg her forgiveness. Her DDs birthday was just after our wedding, that she made a big thing of boycotting which was great for us, and H wrote DNiece's (a poppet, really lovely girl) card from Uncle X and Aunty Bogey. SIL hit the roof, so he has made a point of doing it ever since :o

My cousins DD always refers to me as her Aunty and my kids refer to my cousin as Aunty and its lovely, especially as it is looking increasingly unlikely that my sister will have any children.

[MadisonAvenue]

What a nasty piece of work she is!

I've never been aunty to my husband's nephews, and they're all in their twenties now and I've known each one since the days they were born. I've always been the one who's remembered their birthdays, written their cards and and chosen their Christmas presents over the years. It's quite sad really as my husband is their mother's only sibling and their father is an only child so they have no other aunties. Unfortunately, as time's gone on I've stopped considering them as my nephews because of this.

One of them admonished me on Facebook because I shared a funny picture about mother in laws and he wasn't happy with me for doing that. I reminded him that he, his parents and brothers frequently joke about my mother in law and his reply was that it was okay for them to do it because they're family. That hurt a lot because I've been with my husband for over 30 years now and have been part of the family, or so I thought, for longer than he, his brothers and their father have. Obviously their mother's attitude has been passed onto her kids.

[VerbenaGirl]

YANBU. She's a twat.

[Bogeyface]

And I agree with PP that she is clearly trying alienate her DH from his family. NC with his mother and they are too busy to attend his brothers wedding? Bollocks. She is one of those people who think that only her family is "real" family, and is trying to erase his family from existence.

[Unicow]

Yadnbu it's hurtful when this happens. I have the opposite issue as my wonderful step mum never signs nana on cards although in my eyes she is every bit a nana to my kids (she's been in my life for more than half of it) I still refer to her as nana though.

[fatmomma99]

How horrible!

[meridithssister]

For child's 1st birthday buy a tambourine. 2nd birthday - glitter and paint set. 3rd birthday - drum kit. Revenge is your friend here

[oohlalala]

She sounds delightful. Ignore that petty horrible behaviour, although it might be fun to demote her at your wedding to a smaller further away table as 'non blood relative' surely she shouldn't be at the front

[CinderellaFant]

Oooh get one of those personalised bibs saying 'I love my auntie sazzle this much!!'

[WhoaCadburys]

Oh dear OP, you're going to have fun with her. I can see why you don't get along with her. I have a similarly nutty sister-in-law.

I wouldn't waste time thinking about it - she is clearly barking.

[sykadelic]

My DH doesn't consider himself the "Uncle" of my sisters kids and strangely, neither do I. I know my sister calls him "Uncle DH" to her kids but maybe because we live in a different country it feels different.

I can understand her reticence of having her children bond with someone who may not be around forever, but that doesn't make it any less hurtful. I know you said that you're getting married soon but if you were to divorce/break up, with no children to continue to tie you, you're nothing to the kids. Even with kids you're the cousins mum, not their Aunt anymore (especially if he remarries and then she's the "Aunt" by your definition).

I'd stop buying presents and stop reminding your BF of events.