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AIBU?

To be upset about comments over me not being auntie

215 replies

sazzleish · 02/04/2016 19:59

Ok, so DP's brother and his wife have recently had their first child. I will say in the first instance that I do not get on with the wife but am civil in family situations. I am engaged to DP and we are marrying soon.

Anyway, when the baby was born I organised a gift and card, we were both very excited to meet the baby, it's the first in either of our families. I signed the card Uncle DP and Auntie me. I know I'm not technically his auntie yet but as we are getting married in two months I didn't think it was worth saying anything different.

Today I received a text from baby's mum asking would I please not refer to myself as auntie because I wasn't even married and they don't want child referring to non-blood relatives as auntie and uncle. I was taken aback and really quite upset, I consider him just as much my nephew as if my sister had a child. I don't differentiate between my own aunties and uncles and love them all equally.

So am I being unreasonable or should I just refer to myself as my name in future cards etc?

OP posts:

Report

coffeeisnectar · 02/04/2016 22:17

Have you invited this bitch to your wedding? I'd be backtracking fast! Or say, sorry no babies!! Especially as I'm not 'family'.

She's an immature bitch with a PFB who wants to control everything around her. Unfortunately she's going to alienate everyone and in 10 years time will wonder why no-one wants to see her.

candykane25 · 02/04/2016 22:21

This is how she's starting off motherhood. Sadly I doubt you'll have much of a relationship with this child. And I doubt any children of yours will have a relationship with them.
Cease making any effort. Make this the last time you go to the trouble of buying a present.
Let your DH know that his brother is always welcome at your house and you won't interfere with their sibling relationship.
But otherwise disengage.
You have a lot of happiness ahead with your forthcoming marriage.
Make sure every guest hears beforehand what she said so on your wedding day they'll all know what a cow she is.
Make a big fuss of her husband, she can't stop you doing that.
Block her from your phone.
Block her from your FB.
That way she can't hurt you again or cause further problems.

I've had a nasty inlaw for 20yrs and learnt from experience to distance, distance, distance.

scarednoob · 02/04/2016 22:21

Sounds like she did that to be hurtful. My SIL is a bitchqueen from hell, so I sympathise

sazzleish · 02/04/2016 22:22

Thanks everyone, I feel better now.to answer a few questions, I've not replied, going to leave it. Yes they were invited to wedding but are 'busy'. I've not spoken to brother in law to be specifically but he generally goes along with anything she says.

You've all been a real help, thank you

OP posts:

Assquatch · 02/04/2016 22:24

10 years on I still cannot be auntie.... I'm not allowed

lem73 · 02/04/2016 22:26

I think candy has given you the best advice. Thank god she can't spoil your wedding day. I'm pretty sure she's not coming because she's jealous that you will be the centre of attention.

cosytoaster · 02/04/2016 22:30

Agree with Candy - I'd let your DP sort out cards and presents in the future, if he wants and otherwise I'd just not bother with her at all.

mateysmum · 02/04/2016 22:33

Wow, so they are to busy to go to your wedding... His brother's wedding! Must be something very important. What a prize bitch. I think she has made it clear what she thinks of you. Congrats on not sinking to her level. Retain the moral high ground from a safe distance and see as little as possible of her.

Lindt70Percent · 02/04/2016 22:34

She sounds ridiculous, particularly as you will officially be Auntie Sazzleish in 2 months time! Just laugh it off and take the advice of candykane25.

My Uncle (Mum's brother) has never married my Aunt but they've been together for over 45 years now. She's always been Auntie P to all her nieces and nephews. The fact they've never married is very rarely mentioned. They never married because they'd both been married before and that experience was enough for my Aunt to say she'd never marry again!

Viviennemary · 02/04/2016 22:40

That was unkind and rude of her and totally unnecessary as you had bought the baby a present. I'd take a step back from them and really who would want anything to do with such a horrid person even if they will be future relatives. I'd never allow myself to be called auntie by their children or allow my children to call them auntie or uncle. I'd say first names only thank you.

Jelliebabe1 · 02/04/2016 22:40

What a bitch! Nothing else to say!

LaytexSales · 02/04/2016 22:41

This woman is a prize bitch and your BIL isn't much better TBH. They're not going to your wedding?? She's acting like nobody ever had a baby before, and trying to create drama. Do not respond, do not engage with this nut job and get on with your own life. Cheery HIYA! When you see her and leave it at that. Totally disengage. She'll have loads of other people to have drama with if that's the way she treats others.

sallyhasleftthebuilding · 02/04/2016 22:42

My Uncle in his late sixties has a new lady friend - we all call her auntie and were all nearly 50 -

Not sure what she makes of it TBH!!

But that's families -

Reply "You're welcome glad you like the gift - no need to thank us!"

Jelliebabe1 · 02/04/2016 22:42

In fact I wish I had someone who wanted to be my kiddies aunts uncles etc! It's shit not having any

FreshHorizons · 02/04/2016 22:44

She sounds horrible, and horrible people tend to be at their worst over babies, they get a free hand before the child can walk and talk!
I would get DP to drop the uncle and just be first names, and both be first names to the child for evermore. Be friendly to the brother and the child and just be distantly civil to her. Stick to first names with the child- she can't make either of you have titles- although it may take her some years to realise that!

FreshHorizons · 02/04/2016 22:46

New parents often think they can control the child's environment and other people. They simply can't- unless they stay at home and have no contact with anyone.

Samcro · 02/04/2016 22:49

wowser. just read the OP and no more and have to say thanks I now see my SIL in a better light, she got her small children to call me auntie(I told her I was sad not to be one) and 30 odd yrs later my grown up niece still calls me auntie.

gosh your never to be SIL is a prize cow

Valentine2 · 02/04/2016 22:50

Don't give anymore gifts to her family at all. It is downright bitchy of her to know wedding is in two months and still manage to explicitly say this instead of sending a thank you message.

ILikeUranus · 02/04/2016 22:50

I'd call her out on the lie tbh. What have you got to lose? She hates you already and is showing it. I'd refuse to be bullied. My response would be:
"Hi, firstly you're welcome, glad you received it. Secondly, you've just called your dsis's bf 'uncle' on FB so the blood relative thing is clearly not true. In 8 weeks I will be baby's aunt by marriage so I'll be signing any future cards and gifts 'auntie x'. Let me know if you don't want any cards or gifts from uncle x and auntie x and we'll be happy to oblige".

theelephantknownasnell · 02/04/2016 22:51

My dh family are a bit like this, my db and sil have always referred to my dh as uncle to their children, my dh family decided that I was not an aunt to any of my dh nieces and nephews, there was only 1 nephew when dh and I got together and he was only 1.

I feel it's their way of keeping me on the outside, I think to begin with they didn't think the relationship would last, its now 15 years later and I'm still not considered family.

IoraRua · 02/04/2016 22:52

If you opened the dictionary to the word bitch, this persons picture would probably be there as a description. What a stupid thing to do. Whether she likes it or not, you will be (and essentially are already) the kids aunt.

While I'd personally take great joy in signing all future cards auntie, the best way to deal with someone like this is to ignore - don't acknowledge her at all. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she has won whatever silly little game she's playing.

IslandCanary · 02/04/2016 22:53

YANBU

She is being odd and unkind.

My baby DS has lots of 'aunties' who are not blood relatives but my friends and relatives. I feel honoured if someone refers to themself as 'auntie' it shows they want to play a role in my child's life. And I would automatically refer to my siblings partners as auntie/uncle regardless of whether they are married. It's about showing respect and including people.

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LifeCrossRoad · 02/04/2016 22:56

She's a bitch. Simples.
Especially if her sisters boyfriend is uncle.
My DH isn't my blood relative, but I'd punch anyone who said he wasn't my family. My aunts/neices/nephews that are relatives by marriage are absolutley still my relatives with those titles.

Oooblimey · 02/04/2016 22:58

don't reply to the text, just put your FB status as "so thrilled to be an Auntie! My new niece *insert name is sooo cute! Congratulations DBIL & DSIL xxx

guaranteed to totally piss on her strawberries as she's not going to be such a utter cow where everyone can see!

SnobblyBobbly · 02/04/2016 23:00

WTF? That would be me done with them.

What DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings says is spot on - I'm sure she'll have something to say when you aren't so bothered with christmas/birthday/easter or involve the child in the wedding.

She sounds like a complete arsehole

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