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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have a word with the school about birthday treats?

279 replies

BananaPie · 11/02/2016 19:10

Ds is in reception. On their birthday, kids are allowed to bring in treats to dish out to classmates at the end of the day. The other day, ds came out with a piece of cake, a chocolate biscuit and a lolly.

Now, I'm more than happy for ds to have the odd treat, but I do like to choose what and when he has them. That said, it does seem pretty churlish to whip them away when all his classmates are tucking in, and I couldn't quite face the resulting tantrum on the way home. Ds ate them all, but was on a sugar high for the rest of the evening which made bedtime a bit of a nightmare.

Would it be unreasonable to talk to the school about types / amounts of treats allowed? Some people just bring in a box of celebrations or similar and each child takes one, which I have no problem with. Or should I just confiscate as much as possible from him in the playground and deal with the tantrum?

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 11/02/2016 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

araiba · 11/02/2016 19:14

hes a kid, let them eat cake. and sweets. and biscuits.

a treat on a few days out of the year aint gonna kill him

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 11/02/2016 19:14

It's a treat, if you don't want your child to have them then take them off him.

Trying to ban them at school will just make the teachers go Hmm and spoil it for the rest.

Everything in moderation, no food is banned here simply as describing foods as bad can lead to eating issues in later life.

ewbank · 11/02/2016 19:14

I think it would be unreasonable, yes.

You're the parent, take them off him and allow one at home, one after dinner, one to put away until the weekend or whatever.

It's not up to the teacher to police who brings what on their birthday if they're following school rules, and it's certainly not up to them to remember who is allowed what by which parent for all 30 kids, allergies notwithstanding.

It's a treat, it's not every day. If he's hyper then don't let him eat three sugary treats at once!!

MadamDeathstare · 11/02/2016 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 11/02/2016 19:15

Ywbu to say anything. Why spoil it for everyone else?

miraclebabyplease · 11/02/2016 19:15

Yabu. It is heartbreaking to tell children they can'take hand out treats for their birthdays. Limit how much he has in one go and spread out the sugar.

Gobbolino6 · 11/02/2016 19:15

That does sound a lot. Our school does sweets or a small lolly.

That said, I don't think you'll have much luck challenging the tradition. Practically speaking, I assume we're talking about a maximum of 30 treats per year, with some of those being a small sweet. I'd just let it go myself.

lonevoice · 11/02/2016 19:19

Someone has spoiled it for all the children at DD's school by complaining. Shame really because it was very sensibly done and the children with allergies used to get something appropriate bought for them too. Their birthdays go pretty much unnoticed at school now.

glamourousgranny42 · 11/02/2016 19:19

Firstly sugar highs are a myth so whatever issues you had at bedtime wasn't due to the cake. Secondly it won't kill your son to have an odd treat. I'm sure the majority of birthday treats are not so generous. I would have let them eat the cake and maybe the biscuit. The lolly would be saved until later. Compromise will probably avoid a tantrum.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 11/02/2016 19:19

I echo the others, let him have the cake with his friends, biscuit and lolly to be saved for tomorrow and the weekend.

originalmavis · 11/02/2016 19:20

You haven't been through this before then!

It's not every day, kids love it, it teaches them to share and they try different things (unusual Chinese sweets, awful Hershey's, and Arabic unbelievabley sweet pastries in our case).

You just can't be the po-faced mum who solemnly hands our an organic salt free wholegrain rice cake and a toasted seaweed 'treat' to each eagerly outstretched little hand on your child's birthday.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 11/02/2016 19:21

I wouldn't stop the treats, it's just part of the fun being a small child, but as his mum you're well within your rights to not allow him to eat the lot all one afternoon!

Imagine if next time it was someone's birthday and your DS was missed off the sweets/singled out because he wasn't allowed...

My son is in secondary now so this isn't an issue. I remember though he used to love getting birthday sweets. I used to hate it when was given a home made cake though as I'm very funny about food hygiene and like to know exactly how clean kitchens are before eating!

LadyPenelope68 · 11/02/2016 19:21

If you don't want him to have them then take them off him, if he tantrums then you deal with it. You can't expect the school to change just because you don't want to deal with the tantrum.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 11/02/2016 19:22

My ds is in reception and a few weeks ago came home with several treats.
Two children had birthdays on the same day, is that maybe what happened here?

Sirzy · 11/02/2016 19:23

Don't talk to the teacher. It is up to you and the other parents to decide what you let your child eat but don't try to stop 29 others for the sake of 1.

MrsHathaway · 11/02/2016 19:24

Sugar high is generally considered to be a myth.

A family I know collect treats like that which come home from school or parties, and have them at more suitable times. You're then not confiscating it but saving it.

Would it be possible for you to say "ooh how exciting, you can have it after tea, here's an apple to get you home" or something? Mine always declare themselves ravenous coming out of school but they'll as happily eat bread and butter or a piece of cheese or a handful of raw sugarsnap as a biscuit or lolly.

ewbank · 11/02/2016 19:27

Surely the way to see off the tantrum is "you're having it after dinner and any pissing about now means it goes in the bin"? Or am I the only evil mother who does this??

WowOoo · 11/02/2016 19:29

Deal with it yourself and put up with a tantrum.It's not on to impose your rules on the rest of the class. I'm happy my dc is happy when he gets to share the joy of someone else's birthday.

My eldest keeps his birthday sweets for my youngest as he doesn't like sweet stuff. He grew out of it. I'm hoping youngest will grow out of it too.

Maybe it wasn't a sugar high but just a high - both my boys are a bit hyper/wild and desperate for a school break at the moment.

SoupDragon · 11/02/2016 19:29

Or should I just confiscate as much as possible from him in the playground and deal with the tantrum?

This is the only reasonable option.

Justmuddlingalong · 11/02/2016 19:29

Do you let your Ds have anything he wants, so you don't have to endure a tantrum? I suggest you deal with it, the school has enough to do, I would think.

Shutthatdoor · 11/02/2016 19:31

If you don't want him to have them then take them off him, if he tantrums then you deal with it. You can't expect the school to change just because you don't want to deal with the tantrum.

I agree

Pancakeflipper · 11/02/2016 19:32

You need to sort out the tantrumming - how do you handle a party bag?

originalmavis · 11/02/2016 19:32

I guess kids are like dogs. You have to train them so that you can literally take the food from their mouth without as much as a growl.

Only1scoop · 11/02/2016 19:35

Sort out the tantrums.

Just because he's got a handful of treats he doesn't have to gorge them all at once.