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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have a word with the school about birthday treats?

279 replies

BananaPie · 11/02/2016 19:10

Ds is in reception. On their birthday, kids are allowed to bring in treats to dish out to classmates at the end of the day. The other day, ds came out with a piece of cake, a chocolate biscuit and a lolly.

Now, I'm more than happy for ds to have the odd treat, but I do like to choose what and when he has them. That said, it does seem pretty churlish to whip them away when all his classmates are tucking in, and I couldn't quite face the resulting tantrum on the way home. Ds ate them all, but was on a sugar high for the rest of the evening which made bedtime a bit of a nightmare.

Would it be unreasonable to talk to the school about types / amounts of treats allowed? Some people just bring in a box of celebrations or similar and each child takes one, which I have no problem with. Or should I just confiscate as much as possible from him in the playground and deal with the tantrum?

OP posts:
anotherdayanothersquabble · 11/02/2016 20:01

I will go against the majority and say I wish this wasn't a tradition in schools. I am the po faced Mum who hands out sea weed crackers, well not quite, but I do limit the amount of sugar my children have and I don't like the fact that this is over ridden by sweet traditions as school, 30 birthdays, between 10 and 30 birthday parties, numerous cake sales, Christmas chicolates, Easter egg hunt, several baking activities a year which are generally dessert based, rewards for completing star charts, biscuits and haribo at evening school events and sweets as prizes at the Christmas and Sumer fairs (PTA run, I know).

I think it is too much and it doesn't fit well with the healthy eating rhetoric that is driven home in parts of the curriculum. I would like to choose as a family, when and where we have our sugar, not to have that choice limited due to the over use of sugar as a reward / treat in all areas at school. Birthdays can be celebrated in school without the need for treats.

clam · 11/02/2016 20:02

There are 190 school days in a year. And 30 children in the class. Bearing in mind only around half (in my extensive experience) bring in treats on their birthday, it's really not that often.

YABU to expect others to forego giving and receiving treats because you can't handle your own child. Sorry.

pippistrelle · 11/02/2016 20:02

if there is homemade cake, it goes in the bin!!!'

Why? What's the specific problem with homemade cake?

CosmicOwl · 11/02/2016 20:03

I only allow my children to eat sweets very occasionally, at parties for example.They know they are not allowed sweets the rest of the time and politely decline when offered, they are 10, 8 and 5. Sometimes they accept the sweets so as not to appear rude then we put them in a jar at home, when the jar is full they get to buy a toy. We save the sweets to hand out at halloween. My eldest has naturally soft teeth, if we weren't overly careful about what she eats she'd have a mouth full of rotten teeth by now.

CosmicOwl · 11/02/2016 20:04

Agree completely anotherdayanothersquabble

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 11/02/2016 20:06

I do get the cake thing. My friends dsis makes cakes from her house for a "living" and they're tasteless and tacky. I could handle that as a one off until she invited us round and I saw the absolute state of her kitchen ( think Kim and Aggie candidate ) and the dog was asleep on the table next to cakes, always say lm on a diet if she brings a cake Grin

LittleBeautyBelle · 11/02/2016 20:08

I am craving cake now.

LittleBeautyBelle · 11/02/2016 20:09

which is good because I have the flu and haven't eaten hardly anything since Monday afternoon.

Knockmesideways · 11/02/2016 20:10

Our school asks parents to supply things like small boxes of raisins for birthday treats. Though, if a child brings in a pack of wrapped sweets or chews for their birthday they don't kick up a fuss. The only thing they insist on is that there are no nuts in the treats and they do discourage cakes because they normally don't make it as far as the playground without dropping crumbs all over the school.

When DS was in nursery they used to do a cake with candles but since he started school it's been raisins all the way!

DS doesn't like chocolate but if it's what has been brought in he's learned to take the sweet without a fuss, say thank you when the birthday child hands them out on the way out of class, bring it home and make me or dad happy by letting us eat it! If it's a chew or haribo he can knock himself out as far as I am concerned. There's probably a birthday every couple of weeks at school - a lot are holiday birthdays - and I can't tell the difference between a so called sugar rush and an excited boy who's enjoyed celebrating a friend's birthday at school to be honest. He's exactly the same whether he's had a sweet, hidden the chocolate to sneak home to mum and dad or had a normal day at school - an eight year old with a rocket up his backside, talking nineteen to the dozen and leaving a trail of destruction in his wake!

You could always give the other parents ideas by adopting our school's preference when it's your DC's birthday OP. Give him a bag with individual boxes of raisins in it. One of the girls in DS's class has a couple of apple trees in her garden and she brought in apples for everyone last birthday - straight from the garden, no expense for mum and dad! Kids love to be the first to do something different and DS and his friends loved the idea. So use some imagination when it's your DC's birthday and you may encourage other parents to follow your lead.

Katenka · 11/02/2016 20:12

Yabu to speak to the school. I would be pissed off of the school banned something because one parent feels bad making their child wait.

I take ds' off him, and he has them when I say. The same as when he gets a party bag at a party.

Galena · 11/02/2016 20:13

DD comes out clutching her sweets/cake/whatever and says 'Can I have it on the way home, please?' to which the answer is generally 'No, but you can have it after tea.'

She's happy, I'm happy. If she had lots of things I'd tell her to choose one for today and put the others away for another day.

vjg13 · 11/02/2016 20:15

Raisins are as bad for children's teeth as fruit gums, concentrated sugar that sticks.

Marniasmum · 11/02/2016 20:17

Another parent who can't say no to her special little snowflake!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 11/02/2016 20:17

Yeo DD school banned like trays after a parent complained - just think about it

FreshHorizons · 11/02/2016 20:23

Yes, it would be unreasonable. Deal with it, there was no need to let him have it all at once.

steff13 · 11/02/2016 20:24

If sugar highs are a myth, I have no idea what causes ds to behave like a different child after chocolate!

Caffeine?

Dd reacts very badly after a slush, she had one bought by a friend in the park and literally changed. Sil took her to soft play with dn and bought them both one without realising and dd again completely changed. She's the same with haribo. Who knows?

Artificial dyes?

Who knows?

ProfGrammaticus · 11/02/2016 20:27

Your rules, your job to impose them. I never had a problem saying "you can have it after dinner" if they came out with a lot of stuff.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 11/02/2016 20:29

Our school has banned it. Frankly the healthy eating message is lost on kids if everyone hands out crap. I wouldn't let my kids have the lot and they could scream until they vomited, but I wouldn't take any notice.

SpotOn · 11/02/2016 20:31

My DDs primary have just banned birthday sweets (yay!) She's in Y6 so I'm not too fussed about the sweets but when DS1 was in reception the constant stream of lollies drove me mad.

Do say something to the school. There are other ways birthdays can be celebrated.

MidniteScribbler · 11/02/2016 20:39

Some people are so determined to suck all the fun out of life.

HelsBels3000 · 11/02/2016 20:41

What a load of killjoys Hmm
If we banned everything that parents complained about we would have no outdoor play, no pudding for school dinner, no dinner ladies, no T.As, no reading levels, no after school club booking forms, no parents evening, no medicine policy etc etc etc - and thats just in the last fortnight.

starry0ne · 11/02/2016 20:41

It isn't banned at our school and never much of a thing...My DS birthday is sometimes over Easter sometimes in school..He has worked oout how many people will be sang happy birthday at the same time and how he can get it sang the most times..It doesn't have to be banned or be a thing..

Incidentally.. I don't particulary remember school but do remember him coming out of beavers at 8 o'clock with Lollies and Haribo's.. They were promtly took out of his hand and told not for that time of night and later ate them..

Original poster
BananaPie · 11/02/2016 20:42

Another parent who can't say no to her special little snowflake!

Lovely! And would you say that to me in real life? I suspect not.

OP posts:
SquidgeyMidgey · 11/02/2016 20:45

The primary school I work in dishes said stuff out at hometime and it's the parents' decision then. The crap food vs tantrum dilemma is just one of the joys of being a parent.

BoGrainger · 11/02/2016 20:52

Sorry but I can just imagine the children's faces in my yr2 class if someone brought in 30 apples as a treat! Grin
And as for those boxes of raisins being the perfect alternative to Haribos, who wants those? You may as well produce a cube of cheese or a cherry tomato for the same amount of excitement. (Cue someone saying well MY child would PREFER a tomato. Yeah right).

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