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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a word with the school about birthday treats?

279 replies

BananaPie · 11/02/2016 19:10

Ds is in reception. On their birthday, kids are allowed to bring in treats to dish out to classmates at the end of the day. The other day, ds came out with a piece of cake, a chocolate biscuit and a lolly.

Now, I'm more than happy for ds to have the odd treat, but I do like to choose what and when he has them. That said, it does seem pretty churlish to whip them away when all his classmates are tucking in, and I couldn't quite face the resulting tantrum on the way home. Ds ate them all, but was on a sugar high for the rest of the evening which made bedtime a bit of a nightmare.

Would it be unreasonable to talk to the school about types / amounts of treats allowed? Some people just bring in a box of celebrations or similar and each child takes one, which I have no problem with. Or should I just confiscate as much as possible from him in the playground and deal with the tantrum?

OP posts:
Buxtonstill · 11/02/2016 19:36

Assuming 30 kids in the class, this won't normally happen more than once a week? I would take the treats and tell him they can be enjoyed over a few days. If he throws a tantrum tell him the consequence is they will be thrown away. And carry it through. If he starts to throw a tantrum next time, remind him what happens when he does. Promise me, it works.

Lurkedforever1 · 11/02/2016 19:38

Yabu. It's not up to school to forbid treats so you can avoid ever saying no to your ds. Nor is it up to every other parent & child to pander to someone elses dodgy view of a normal diet. A normal, healthy diet includes eating everything in moderation.

Fwiw, the kids and teens I know who have no self control when it comes to sweets and crap, are the ones who never got chance to learn, because their parents were too strict about them.

QuietWhenReading · 11/02/2016 19:38

I wouldn't expect a reception age child to be having tantrums about personally however why not just out in a rule that says he can have one treat only in future.

If he tantrums so be it. It won't do him any harm.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 11/02/2016 19:40

Very unreasonable to ask the school to deal with because you don't want to manage a tantrum. It's very easy to say you can have one thing now and save the rest for later. If he tantrums so be it that's just parenting

silverduck · 11/02/2016 19:41

Well, our school has banned it, and I'm glad to be honest.

I diluted the impact by asking my dc to share with their siblings. They also knew to ask before they tucked in and didn't mind me saying no. They know different kids have different rules, they also know they get some stuff at other times that other kids don't get, swings and roundabouts. In your case I would have let him have one of them and put the others out of sight until another time. You could have a tin at home for him so he knows they go in there and he doesn't lose them.

Moomazoo · 11/02/2016 19:42

My DD 4 and DS 8 come home in the bus. They know to give treats to me and they can have them after dinner! No stresses. If there is more than one then they can have it tomorrow and if there is homemade cake, it goes in the bin!!!'

IloveAntbuthateDec · 11/02/2016 19:43

If you don't want your child to have treats then you should be the one to take them off him and give them when you see fit. Why should every child in the class have to go without birthday treats because your child tantrums??

expatinscotland · 11/02/2016 19:44

Another joyless buzzkill who wants the school to parent rather than do it herself and spoil it for everyone else.

YABU.

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 11/02/2016 19:47

Our school used to allow a birthday cake with candles when ds was there ( he's 12 ) and the birthday child was sang to and made a fuss of.
Invariably there were complaints and now the policy is this "30 small bags of haribo" for the class to have one each.
Dd reacts terrible to haribo and I told the teacher this and was there anything else suitable-no.
Dd is 5 on Sunday and the school broke up today. Unfortunately dd is unwell so missed school this week but I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't sent haribo in ( would they have acknowledged dd birthday ) seems wrong to dictate the exact brand of sweets.

MsJamieFraser · 11/02/2016 19:47

Yabu, ds2 cant have treats due to multiple allergies, we have a treat box just for him full of things he can have and also a few pick a mix toys, as he is very limited in his diet.

A mother complained that my child getting a bouncy ball was unfair on her kid Hmm

Houseworkavoider · 11/02/2016 19:47

I would throw a tantrum if someone took chocolate away from me! I clearly have never met any of you lot with the non-strop throwing, reception aged children.

Op, it won't be every day. I would just suck it up tbh.
A parent complained about an ice cream van being parked and open for business at our schools sports day. The general consensus is that she's a bit of a nob for complaining. You could tell the class teacher that you don't want your Dc to have the sweets.

LittleBeautyBelle · 11/02/2016 19:49

Best to have let him have one of the treats now, one tomorrow, then the next day as a pp said, the lollipop at the weekend, etc.

If you complain to the school, it will just end up being awkward. Imagine a child coming in with treats and the teacher refusing part of it because it's too much or not the right kind. It does seem reasonable though for the school to put out a guideline at the beginning of the year about the need to limit birthday treats to one per child. Maybe you can communicate this to the school without fingering any of the parents, as I'm sure they meant well.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 11/02/2016 19:50

Aren't sugar highs a myth?

CooPie10 · 11/02/2016 19:50

Yabu and precious. Don't spoil it for everyone else.

SuburbanRhonda · 11/02/2016 19:51

So a tantrum on the way home was worse than a nightmare bedtime?

You should have chosen the tantrum. It won't be the last Smile

passmethewineplease · 11/02/2016 19:53

YABU.

Just leave him too it. Does he have a healthy the rest of time? If so, let it go!

Backingvocals · 11/02/2016 19:54

I'd like it to be banned too. When I was at school there was a cake every month and a birthday assembly for all the birthday children that month. So it was special and happened once a year.

Now DS brings home cake /packets of sweets most weeks. Fine. Except that he can't have anything sweet in his packed lunch on school orders and he got one of those letters in reception about being overweight (by 400g!) so I am quite careful about sweet stuff. It's all a bit mixed message imho.

listsandbudgets · 11/02/2016 19:54

Dd's school say only birthday treats allowed are individually wrapped chocolates no larger than fun size bar. Seems to work

user7755 · 11/02/2016 19:54

Are you Gillian McKeith? Hmm

A bit of a treat now and then won't hurt (unless he has a medical condition which you haven't told us about till page 2)

Ah, but I have just realised that he is reception and the issue is that you are not able to take charge of what he eats when. Perhaps it's more of an issue about transitions than a healthy eating issue.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 11/02/2016 19:55

I have also read sugar highs are a myth but....agree its so not fair on the other dc to change this because of your son and your whims on treats for bdays.

the joy when my dc come home with some sweets...

user7755 · 11/02/2016 19:55

KingJoffrey - I believe so

Original poster
BananaPie · 11/02/2016 19:56

Fair enough, I'll suck it up. Still seems like a lot to me though.

If sugar highs are a myth, I have no idea what causes ds to behave like a different child after chocolate!

OP posts:
user7755 · 11/02/2016 19:59

IIRC it was a perception issue, i.e. parents expected to see it, so did. A bit like the placebo effect.

passmethewineplease · 11/02/2016 20:01

Why don't you tell him to save a treat for after tea if you don't like it all being consumed in one go?

Surely he doesn't come out with three lots of treats often though?

DD just has a little pack of haribo or a lolly.

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 11/02/2016 20:01

Dd reacts very badly after a slush, she had one bought by a friend in the park and literally changed.
Sil took her to soft play with dn and bought them both one without realising and dd again completely changed. She's the same with haribo. Who knows?

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