to think DH should pay for holidays, cars, nights out etc...

[Wiggletastic]

when he earns three times as much as me and we split all other bills? I also do 80% of childcare, household chores and organising of everything in our lives (I work the equivalent of 4 days and he works full-time). He has seriously pissed me off stating that I should pay for myself for holidays and he will only pay for him and DD. He has pointed out that I can afford to go for nights out and weekends with my friends so could put this cash towards a holiday instead. I think if I work hard and provide a nice easy life for him and DD, then I'm entitled to have the odd night out.

Doesn't sound like much of a partnership op.

He sounds like he should be holidaying in another home a few miles away, permanently.

I couldn't eat steak while my partner, lover and friend ate baked beans. Your DH can. Says a lot about him.

I am of the opinion that a family's money is just that - for the family.
Each partner should end up with the same amount of spending money, after everything else (bills, savings, pensions, holidays, 'just in case fund', clothes, etc.etc) have been paid.

I don't get this "my money / your money" thing.

Maybe you should charge him for childcare and cleaning then ?

Why are you with him?

Sounds lovely.... If he's so keen on 50/50 then go half a on child care, cooking, cleaning.

Charge him for childcare and cleaning etc.

How old is your DD?

Well ain't he a catch

He's a controlling arse wipe.

This is financial abuse 100%

He sounds vile. And like a bit of a bastard.

I can't believe men like this really exist and that women put up with it.

If you are splitting bills 50/50 then what's he paying for you doing more than 50% of the childcare?

What happened to "with all my worldly goods I thee endow"?

Your arrangement sounds more like a house share and not a marriage...and your house-mate is disrespectful

I did suggest that if he wants to split everything then that should include all childcare, household stuff etc. He said that didn't make sense when I work part time and he wouldn't have time to do it as he works longer hours (out at 8, back by 6). I pointed out that me working part time is so DD can be picked up from school everyday and have time at home and with her friends and that I don't mind doing most household stuff in the extra time I have at home but that he should contribute in other ways i.e. financially. He said that me working part time is not relevant as I enjoy it!!

Do you split all bills rent etc 50/50, despite the fact you contribute more to childcare/housework? If I've got that right, that's bonkers, and not how a family should operate.

I'm flummoxed by this type of post
Why if you are married isn't money joint?

Wiggletastic what does he do with the rest of his money then? Spend it on a hobby? Salt it away so that you can have a nice life when he shuffles off this mortal coil? The latter, I hope.

Your DH is a dick. But you know that.

Is this the tip of the iceberg?

He sounds like a complete tosser.

He should understand that you earn less so you can save on childcare for your dd so he should contribute more financially.

Why are you with him? He sounds horrible.

You could get to live in your own place, not tidy up after his crap , get time to yourself without your DD some weekends, get top up benefits if you need them and then on top of that get him to give you more money than he is paying now and you wouldn't have to look at his ugly face first thing in the morning ever again.

Add up how much the childcare would cost if it was outsourced, along with household cleaning/chores. It might shock him into not being such a tit.

If it doesn't then his tittishness would seem to be too firmly entrenched. Go on holiday with your DD and without him.

I don't understand this either. Unless he has some other life or plans that don't include you, I can't see why he wouldn't share everything with you.

Just to give you an example of how my family works; I work part time, but term time only, so I can do all childcare/housework when dh at work. He earns 10x as much as I do. (To have the life we want - we both play sports - I only have time for 2-3 hours a day paid work). He pays all bills, inc mortgage, all holidays, every time we go out, plus puts £1k in to my account per month. That plus the money I earn, pays food, dc stuff/activities, my stuff.
If I want more, I ask for more.

I hate this kind of meanness. It tells me everything I need to know about a person.

My DP is constantly shoving extra money in my account 'just because', and it's substantial amounts. We're not even married yet!