to think DH should pay for holidays, cars, nights out etc...

[Wiggletastic]

when he earns three times as much as me and we split all other bills? I also do 80% of childcare, household chores and organising of everything in our lives (I work the equivalent of 4 days and he works full-time). He has seriously pissed me off stating that I should pay for myself for holidays and he will only pay for him and DD. He has pointed out that I can afford to go for nights out and weekends with my friends so could put this cash towards a holiday instead. I think if I work hard and provide a nice easy life for him and DD, then I'm entitled to have the odd night out.

[2rebecca]

People make a big deal about the "foresaking all others" bit of the marriage vows and think an affair is death to a marriage but ignore the "with my worldly goods I thee endow" bit.
If you love someone you should want to share your stuff with them. I couldn't be in a marriage with someone that mean.

[futuremrsstinson]

This is bollocks OP. Even me and my boyfriend (of 3 years granted) shares his money with me. No kids and no immediate plans to have them or to get married.

We have our direct debits set up for rent etc and this is split as evenly as possible. We both decide how much free money we can have in each month and whatever we get to spend is ours to spend and the rest hoes on bills, rent, holiday savings etc. It varies month to month as unexpected things pop up- he sacrifices having some extra money if something unexpected comes up with me (eg last month my car needed 3 new tyres) and I do the same for him.

Sit down with your DH. Work out your outgoings. Set aside some money to save for family holidays. Agree on whats a fair amount of money for personal spends a month (ie things that are for YOU, not for the family) and each of you keep it and spend it how you want. If he wants to spend it on you and your DD- thats his choice. Doesnt mean you should and you certainly shouldnt be guilted into it

[Katarzyna79]

I hope all men aren't like this I am trying to keep a positive outlook but I really am beginning to think the majority of men have this attitude. so what if they come back from work at 6pm? women who work and those who are stay at home mums don't get to put their feet up come 6pm that's when hell begins. the men with your partners attitude will be chilling whilst their wives or g/f are getting dinner ready, feeding kids, bathing. That is not right or fair but a lot of women like me tolerate it for bloody love.

if my husband suggested what your partner did with regards to money that would be a deal breaker for me, bad enough I do everything he would otherwise have to pay for to then tell me, I should pay for luxuries when he earns more, well what kind of partnership is that?

my sis works full time comes home and does everything I do, except she has fewer kids than me and theyre older. but I couldn't imagine doing what I do and working part time, right now I feel like I'm on my last leg. your partner like male figures in my life sounds very ungrateful but hes on another level very selfish to separate money the way he's suggesting. this is going to really test your relationship, it could even ruin it.

[Earlyday]

DH earns almost 3 times what I earn

Both our salaries get paid in full into our joint account. All of the money is our money.

We have no other account other than a joint savings account.

All our direct debits get taken out of our joint account. Whatever is left can be saved or spent as needs be.

At another point in our lives DH was unemployed while I was working - and at that time my salary was our money - DH and me could spent it as we saw fit so long as we had enough to pay for bills and food etc.

[Katarzyna79]

I may be wrong but it is a greed issue, people who have money want more and get big headed and selfish with it. I have 1 bro who earns a lot of money, his new wife is preg after more than 10 years of no kids, she wants to chill out been working all her life. she can afford to easily too on my brothers income its not an issue. he said he was fine. But now shes near the end of pregnancy he's telling her to work. Put new born in care wtf for when they have ample money? it stinks of greed to me. If money was tight i'd understand. Or if she was career minded or depressed and wanted to return to work, but neither applies here.

if you tell him come home bit early sis in law complaining new wife, she wants to spend time with you, oh money doesn't grow on trees I need to work. truth is his work is flexi he can work from home too, and no distractions no kids running around. hes not happy with the money he has, he wants more, and wants his wife to work for more too. that way she pays for her stuff his money is saved, really sad. those sort of folks take their money to their grave with them.


he is very generous with his money when he wants to be, but when he makes comments like the above it really makes me wonder is he really?

your husband sounds greedy and selfish like this sadly, makes me really angry

[SharkBastard]

My husband earns 4x my wage, we have a joint bank account, I deal with bills and savings, we both have full access to the monies. We are a partnership, we don't see ourselves or the other as in charge.

This needs to be addressed, and sharpish.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Your H doesn't seem to value you much op, is this a new thing or has he always been the same?

I earn 2x dh's salary and started a thread a while back because I was concerned I was being financially abusive. In reality my earnings have overtaken dh's in the 12 years we've been together and we'd never reassessed the split of bills. We have separate bank accounts, but we sat down and apportioned all bills according to our earnings, gave ourselves a small allowance each (the same amount) for nights out/ hobbies and everything else now goes into a joint account which all birthday and Christmas presents come from (for both our extended families, his dd and our ds), clothes and school trips etc for ds, family holidays and all 'joint' expenditure.

He does work longer hours in total because he commutes and I mostly work from home, so although I wouldn't say household chores are split exactly 50/50 (purely on a practical level it's easier for me to keep on top of things during my lunchtime when I work from home) he does a lot around the home, including sharing childcare drop offs and pick ups and his flexible working arrangement means he has ds on Mondays after school while I work.

We value each other's contribution and respect each other.

Have you really spoken about everything, listened to each other and tried to re-work your finances along fairer lines or is he completely closed to a discussion? It doesn't sound like a fair split on the face of it and I'm interested to know if you have access to the bank account he's stashing all his money in over and above bills etc. I would be suggesting to him that it becomes a 'household' fund and that you each have the same amount of personal allowance each month. Then it's up to you both how you spend it and there should be no sniping either way.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

And I should have said that after your bills are apportioned and you've given yourselves a personal allowance all money should be pooled into a family/ household fund - his and anything remaining of yours.